One Of My Very Own...
Let's try that again...
Jimmy Buffet - Trying To Reason With Hurricane Season.
How appropriate.
NEWSY BITS
NEWSY BITS
Oh, hell...
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I've placed my first bet of the year on college football and I have Ohio State to beat Indiana. Wish me luck. It may set the tone for the whole year.
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Of all the footage, this shocked me most.
I-10 near Jefferson County line looks like the ocean.
I had always thought some of these images were shopped, but apparently not.
Southerners are not all stupid. We are just low information.
When the water recedes...
This is Houston. Want to know what this line is for? Food? Water? Housing?
These people are waiting in line to volunteer.
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I wrote this yesterday, and now the tanks are, in fact, on fire.
IF YOU ARE ANYWHERE NEAR THE ARKEMA CHEMICAL PLANT IN CROSBY, TEXAS...LEAVE.
http://www.arkema-americas.com/en/social-
Chemical tanks have lost refrigeration and are at risk of exploding.
Unless of course you can breathe peroxide and are immune to fire.
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If you are a drywaller, you could make some real money in Texas this year.
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Flooding like Houston in India is called Tuesday.
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Do you know how extraordinary it is that less than 50 people died in this epic disaster? It's unfathomable.
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CNN: "Often it's the people with the least that lose the most."
We know what he meant, but it reminds me of the tsunami victim who said, "I had nothing now I have lost everything."
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Comment on FO: "As a young kid trying to find my way out of pentecostalism, Antichrist Superstar was a super influential album for me."
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I'm always skeptical of any other car I see driving around a 3am. Like, I know why I'm out...why are you out?
LANGUAGE
STUPIDITY OR NOT - YOU DECIDE
I almost named this section this...
How wonderful.
This is basically a collection of written language that I didn't know how to organize.
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Many people on the internet hate clickbait. That's when you post something and bait people into going somewhere else for additional information.
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Hahahabananahaha!
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But...
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Balls have to be protected at all times...
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I once told my daughter that if it weren't illegal I would let her eat cereal for every meal.
(some parents don't know it is allowable to do such things)
PEOPLE DOING THINGS
I CAN'T OR WON'T DO.
Breaking News!: Man apparently can lug around neutron star sized testicles.
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"Put me in the game, coach."
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Remembering back when my internet went out and I had to try and use my imagination to jerk off.
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Like a boss.
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Yes, he will let you STAPLE a dollar onto his FLESH!
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Man accidentally shot a nail through his chest and into his heart ... then drove himself to the ER, where open-heart surgery removed the 3 1/2-inch nail and saved his life.
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Notice man who fell in water using the old orangutan shuffle to get away.
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The rules were so very, very confusing...
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You can't spell American Dream without Eric Andre right in the middle.
(give that a moment or two)
THINGS OF INTEREST
Found at a thrift shop...
The whole collection.
These two people spotted a nondescript box at a Florida thrift store's going-out-of-business sale.
They found five NASA flight suits, worth tens of thousands of dollars, and paid just $1.20 for the lot.
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Oh, my.
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See how that was done?
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This incredibly realistic fishing lure.
But I've been told that bass doesn't exactly choose to bite a lure or fish for that matter. They lay in wait and when anything swims in front of them they gulp by reflex, like you blinking when someone moves their hand toward your eyes.
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What if instead of "fascinating", Spock had said "That's wild."
PLACES
Ya'll remember when white people used to work at McDonalds?
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Restaurant in Baku, Azerbaidjan
Can we safely assume that it either a repaired sinkhole or a bomb crater?
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Guy called in to say he couldn't climb that pole.
I showed this to a lineman I know and he was fascinated, noticing the wood chips all around the dog.
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Feeding time for chickens in China.
The guy blew a very loud whistle and here they come. Who knew chicken could fly that well?
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Do they charge extra for the protein?
I showed that to my bartender and she said it was fucking disgusting. I said we must remember that those are probably going straight into the oven. She shot back, "It's just fucking disgusting, so stop making excuses for them!"
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LUCKY SUMBITCH
The evacuation order was probably given hours ago but she wan't finished with her texting.
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Did you know that left handed people have a higher chance of finishing an exam on time than people who died a birth?
PERSONAL COMMENTS
And we voters sit by and do absolutely nothing, and they exempt themselves from everything. That infuriates me. Not so much because that do it, but that you motherfuckers aren't even angry about it!
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A very smart man once said, "A man is what he thinks about all day long."
Why waste it on the past?
Janus, roman god
He looked back and forward at the same time.
I got sick and tired of losing sleep thinking about embarrassing things I have done in my life. One night not to long ago I just decided to let it all go and not think about it anymore. I did this by thinking of some of the shit other people I know have done and realizing that my shit moments were rather tame by comparison. It worked. I never cringe about that stupid shit...all with a sincere decision I made in one night just to stop.
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It was a nap he surely urned.
And your reaction?
Well, good for you Internet Savvy Person.
My father always told me to be a leader, not a follower. He died in a mine field in Vietnam.
That was a joke, of course. After hearing that, more people than not say something like "Oh, I'm so sorry." Then I tell them it was a joke and let them figure it out.
That brings me to funny jokes on the internet. Some folks think that every visual joke on line should be labeled as such, but I disagree. I think their thrill is tricking you into falling for their trickery. I don't really see the harm.
Of course, there are limits. Malicious libel is out of bounds as in manipulating people for your own gain. But jokes are jokes and the punchline need not be broadcast that they are coming.
That man DID NOT die at a crematory. That it wasn't labeled a joke really pissed a lot of people off. I am not one of those people. I wasn't on a news site, I was on a site filled with viewer submissions. What should expect?
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Gene Wilder and Gilda Radner
A true love story.
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Humans do not sneeze when sleeping.
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