About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Saturday, May 12, 2018

SATURDAY #3425

One Of My Very Own

EMAIL: ralph.henry.at.folio.olio@gmail.com

NEWSY BITS

Who could have seen that coming?
I just hope a few greedy apples don't spoil it for the rest of them.




LANGUAGE THAT MAY OR MAY NOT BE HUMOROUS

Yeah, but who said he was perfect and each of his opinions was correct?
(think slavery)

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*MNBT

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With several other young people around, my bartender asked me, "Do you like Kanye or Taylor Swift more?"
I think he was thinking I never heard of either one of them.
I said, "Swift, although I would have picked Hitler or Kim Jong-un had I been given those options."


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Kale? No thanks. I'll stick to my steak and cupcakes. They help me fill out the wrinkles, so I look younger than I really am.

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THINGS GOING STRAIGHT TO SHIT RIGHT BEFORE YOUR EYES 

Now it's time for...
GUESS WHAT HAPPENS NEXT!
Hint: Both involve something falling out of the sky.
What animal(s) knock her out?
A. An ostrich
B. A cat
C. A dog
D. A bowl full of fish.

How much does the object weigh that falls on this car?
A. 1,000 pounds
B. 10,000 pounds
C. 100,000 pounds
D. 1,000,000 pounds

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Were those cats instructed to attack?
Kind of looks like it to me.

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Options: 
1 - The car made the mistake of honking his horn thus irritating the elephant. 
2 - The elephant thinks the car is mateable.

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He must smell my mammary.

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Do you think it was supposed to break up like that? I don't.

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C. A dog

Hell, I don't know how much it weighs but it's bloody heavy.
That's one lucky son of a bitch.

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What could possibly go wrong?


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Is it difficult to decide who in your Coachella pictures is going to flash the peace sign or does it just happen naturally?

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PEOPLE NOT LIKE YOU AND ME

When you like exercise but you love cocaine.

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I do not like that pretty boy.

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You are so vicious, sweety. 

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Meth, not even once...
And that's why we can't have nice things.

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Shaq is that guy that can make any situation funnier.

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That butt looks really...healthy.

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Do you think that would work?
Even faking it like that looks incredibly dangerous.

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I've only known one man who peed like this.
I asked him why he did it and he just shrugged and said his father did it that way.


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How come the employer doesn’t have to wash their hands?

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THINGS YOU DON'T SEE EVERY DAMN DAY

I'm thinking the fish must swim constantly to keep the water flowing over the gills, but in that tank, they can lay motionless in front of the intake vent and do the same thing.

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That must be exhausting.
Of course, it's photoshopped, but does anybody even care anymore?


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View of Fuckthatshitistan.
So she lugged that chair up that mountain?

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Japanese farmers using ducks rather than harmful chemical pesticides. A win for the environment.
How do you "specially breed" ducks to do that?

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Mummified elder
Because that's the way his daddy did it.

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This looks horrendously dangerous.
But I guess there are very sensitive stop monitors on all the edges. Still.


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The only thing standing between me and total happiness is reality.

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The best friend I've ever had.
Love. The man's name is Love.

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He and the guy with the punching bag shown previously need to hook up some time.

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1 comment:

Anonymous said...

There is a lot of really manly gay ppl

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