One Of My Very Own
I try to be a good husband, but my wife has a colonoscopy scheduled during the World Cup and I am offering $100 to any of her friends willing to help her out. Any of you people out there need some extra bucks?
Trump puts concerns about Melania to rest.
If that doesn't load now, come back to it later. I laughed out loud. The glasses falling off was pure comedic genius.
FUN WITH LANGUAGE
(Is that true?)
I find that most refreshing.
How fucked up would it be if you jumped into a ball pit and it was just tomatoes painted different colors?
THE GODS WHICH ARE STREET VENDORS
That is called Currywurst and while in Germany I ate it every damn day. And yes that is mayonnaise on the fries, and yes, it is delicious.
When I lived in Germany I would have starved to death if it hadn't been for street vendors.
I wonder if he knows he can just bite down on the top and bottom and pull the meat from the backbone with your teeth.
Tactical dog helmet.
A very valuable asset to a fighting squad.
And even pets need help on hot asphalt.
That reminds me of the cops on New Year's Eve in New York. They make friends with the people in their section and it cuts down on problems dramatically.
Is that really necessary?
My wife calls memes me-mes.
KNOWLEDGE ACQUISITION IS A GOOD THING
I was wrong. The guy wasn't trying to steal stuff out of the backpack. Read on.
Thousands of pieces of priceless artwork hidden for years and not one was "lost."
Mayflies got so bad they showed up on the radar.
Tiny little atoms did this. Makes me think of the Big Bang coming from the exploding Singularity. But just imagine how small you could get with all the space removed from not only every atom but between quarks and every other sub-atomic particle.
Take a cave painter with you; the first muralists.
I once paid my kids to do some chores then on their back to their rooms I mugged them because it's my job to teach them life lessons.
A TALE FROM THE JUNGLES OF VIETNAM
I had a friend who was drafted into the Vietnam War. His test scores were pretty good so they put him on repairing radios on helicopters.
Because he wasn't a true warrior the fighters in his unit looked down on him.
Having had enough he would voluntarily take jobs as door gunner just to prove he had balls.
There was no clear line between civilian and combatant and his unit was losing a lot of men to hostile forces who looked exactly like that farmer you see everywhere.
One time a squad entered a village and right in the middle three of them were blown to shit by a land mine...a land mine that every man, woman, and child in the village knew was there but let the GIs step on anyway.
Imagine what that does to you. Your best friend allowed to be shattered by a village elder who moments before stood there looking you right in the eye. Well, now imagine you are 18 years old.
Sometimes the foot soldiers would crawl atop a tank for a ride back to camp. As one can easily understand, when the army was using the roads, the civilians used a smaller trail some 100 or so yards off in the jungle.
I was told that a young US soldier sat on a tank and using a grenade launcher like the one below lobbed grenades over toward one of those trails.
He continued to do this until he heard someone scream.
That is what happens to some of your children in the hell that is war. Please, do everything you can to keep our nation out of all but the most necessary conflicts.
You never outgrow the urge to push the self-destruct button.
EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED
A driver saw a small "black object" flying through the air while traveling on I-5. When the driver stopped for gas 18 miles later, they saw this stuck in their bumper. Troopers recovered the firearm and turned it over to the Police Department.
So how do you explain THAT to the insurance company?
I'm assuming the game is to keep saying it louder until somebody stops.
A day in the life...
"How was your commute, Oob-ah-click-click-du?"
Why wouldn't she just go right back in the door from which she just came?
My dear sweet mother once asked all of us children a riddle - to wit: If you found yourself outside in public with only a small handkerchief, what would you cover up? After we all offered our two cents worth she said, "My face."
I always enjoy these...
But why did he just happen to be filmed at that exact moment?
People look at my wife with that expression all the time.
*Might Not Be True
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*Might Not Be True