THURSDAY #3766

One Of My Very Own

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EMAIL: 

ralh.henry.at.folio.olio@gmail.com

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AMERICA has decided to revive its old friendship with France by giving it a garish plastic megachurch for the middle of its capital city. 

The US has remembered the lovely metal statue that France gave it for New York harbor and decided to return the favor with a huge church by the designers of Disney World.

US Secretary of State Mike Pompeo said: “The best thing is because it’s plastic, we can prefabricate the whole thing off-site. They’ll just wake up in the morning and it’ll be there.

“We’re thinking something like a fairytale castle but with big neon crosses all over it to show it’s a church, and of course the various sponsor’s logos.

“The spire will look just like a 300ft baguette – those dudes love baguettes – and the roof will be retractable so it can host open-air church services and two NFL games per season.

“And just wait until they see the Hall of Animatronic Jesuses, all the way from baby Jesus through Teen Preacher Jesus to his final, climactic battle with the Romans on Golgotha Hill. It’s a real thrill ride.”

President Emmanuel Macron said: “Wow. This is, as we French say, trés merde.”

 How about because the melting point of gold is 1064 degrees and a wood fire burns at around 600 degrees, you superstitious twats?
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Man City/Tottenham score-a-thon. 3-2 in the 20th minute.<>

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YOU CAN'T FIX STUPID

Stupid has no known cure...

^^1^^

Don't put your feet on the dashboard.

Her knees were slammed into her face when an airbag deployed during an accident, causing multiple facial fractures. Surgeons had to remove her forehead.

 https://news.sky.com/story/woman-who-lost-forehead-in-car-crash-issues-warning-for-passengers-11681610
^^2^^

I would like to note that the load was tied down exceedingly well.
^^3^^

This goes far beyond a mere prank.

That SOB needs his ass kicked. 
^^4^^

Loading shells too hot? Just another reason not to trust the guy at the gun show who wants to sell you "special" ammo.
^^5^^


https://www.nytimes.com/2013/12/05/nyregion/unarmed-man-is-charged-with-wounding-bystanders-shot-by-police-near-times-square.html
^^6^^

Anything is a toy if you try hard enough.
^^7^^

Idiots at Work: NASA said India's satellite destruction created so much space junk it now threatens the safety of the International Space Station

NASA Administrator Jim Bridenstine said the satellite shattered into small pieces of space junk that posed an "unacceptable" threat to astronauts and called it a "terrible, terrible thing."

 India said that it deliberately chose to destroy a satellite in low orbit with the goal of keeping the debris from harming the station or other satellites and that the debris would fall back to Earth and disintegrate.
But Bridenstine said pieces were moving above the station and "that kind of activity is not compatible with the future of human spaceflight."
"What we are tracking right now, objects big enough to track - we're talking about 10 cm (4 inches) or bigger -about 60 pieces have been tracked," he said.
He said 24 of those pieces were traveling above the ISS, even though the satellite had been orbiting 185 miles above the Earth, lower than the station, which orbits roughly 250 miles above the Earth.
NASA told the risk of the ISS colliding with debris had increased by 44% in 10 days as a result of the Indian missile.
https://nordic.businessinsider.com/india-anti-satellite-missile-test-space-debris-cloud-2019-3/

^^8^^

I had to watch that three time before I realized it was a monkey.
Did you notice the long-ass leash? 
^^9^^

What Happens Next?

A. He will lose his hat.
B. He will lose his chainsaw.
C. He will lose his arm.
D. He will lose his ability to sire children. 
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D. He will lose his ability to sire children.  
^^10^^

Rather unique "well shit" moment.
^^11^^

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Every year, everybody on Earth collectively experiences more years than the Earth has existed.

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THINGS MOST OF YOU PROBABLY HAVE NEVER SEEN

"Oh, nevermind."
^^12^^

Coral-eating a shrimp.

[verification needed] 
^^13^^

Let us not forget the unlucky Roman whose death in Pompeii is straight out of a Looney Tunes cartoon.

 ^^14^^

Lightning like I've never seen.

 ^^15^^

Why does the kid have a fork?
^^16^^

Could somebody please explain this to me?

 ^^17^^

When you don’t want your sign to be stolen...again.

^^18^^

Me and clocks go way, way back. 
^^19^^

 ^^20^^

 I found that very funny. 
^^21^^

The Chain of Infinity Cube 2.0

 ^^22^^


Amazon blimp pumps out drones.

^^23^^

The Oroville Dam spillway was used for the first time since the near-disaster in 2017.

^^24^^

Mammoth Graves on the Isle of Arran - Scotland.

One would think that would have to be guarded 24/7.
^^25^^

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Before marriage, I would sit at stop lights for hours because I had no one to tell me the light had turned green.

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THINGS THAT MAY NOT BE FACTUAL

^^26^^


^^27^^

I’m probably gonna get banned, but here is a topless photo of Betty White.

 ^^28^^

 ^^29^^

 Finally found a plausible explanation...

 ^^30^^

^^31^^

That kid has been friend zoned into the next generation! In the land of the friend zone, he could get elected president. 
^^32^^

Said to be a landmine.
^^33^^

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You know you are really married when you go to the appliance store and each has your own tape measure.

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QUOTES WORTH READING

 ^^34^^


^^35^^

Said to be true.

^^36^^

^^37^^

 
“Sweet snowflakes that probably never worked a day in their life,” the hotel posted, after announcing a new cocktail, called “The Snowflake.” 
^^38^^

One of my friends went to buy sapphire earrings for his girlfriend's birthday and was told the pair he was looking at cost $2800.
"Hell," he said, "for $2800 I could buy a whole new girlfriend.
NOTE: I have permission to use his story. 
^^39^^

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At breakfast, my wife took the last piece of bacon, but I decided to stay and make it work.

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JUST THE FACTS, MA'AM

 [verifications needed]
^^40 A-G^^

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