About Me

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I'm an artist, educator, militant anti-theist , and I write. I gamble on just about anything. And I like beer...but I love my wife. This blog contains observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while.

Wednesday, May 26, 2021


One Of My Very Own


EMAIL: ralh.henry.at.folio.olio@gmail.com


The Disaster That Is India



I never realized how much I say "Ooh la la" until they played my 911 call on the local news.



I pride myself on paying attention.

Example #1:

I noticed that the man is not continuing to work on his burning car but since the motor is in the rear he is probably trying to save what he can from the trunk.

Example #2:

I love hard-boiled eggs - especially on salads - but I damn sure get the shells off before I cut them.

^^A 1-3^^

Prior to leaving to paint a mural, I make my crew a very detailed load list. We once arrived on-site with no paint. My crew chief explained that paint wasn't on the load list. I took full responsibility.


A guy made this...

The metal sheath reminded me of an old German bayonet I once owned. The sheath alone could knock a man out.


A car stopped in front of our house and sat there a long time. When my wife went out to see if the guy needed any help he was holding a tea maker EXACTLY like the one she ordered from Amazon. Only this one had a Walmart sticker on it and was addressed to someone my wife didn't know. The driver gave my wife the tea maker anyway.


Me holding the ~8000th tree next to the 1st tree planted as I endeavor to re-wild my property. 

"Re-wild." What a wonderful concept that I strongly endorse.


I have never been adept at correctly gauging the correct amount of anything that pours out of a bottle. I always leave lakes of syrup, salad dressing, etc on my plate.


I look for art on the walls behind the quarantined Zoomer. I have been sorely disappointed.


I had a brother-in-law who divorced my sister because she made more money than he did. We all liked the guy until he pulled that idiocy.


When I arrived even 5 minutes early at my daughters' school to pick them up I could fall asleep and them opening the door would awaken me. 

Of course, that was back when I actually worked for a living.


I had a friend who sat on a caterpillar tractor that was following a laser far out on the horizon. His job was to turn the tractor around at the end of the run then move the laser a certain number of feet over for the return trip. He got fired because he kept falling asleep and plowing over the laser.


I saw this online.

My mother and I had an arrangement whereby if either of us came upon a wooden kitchen implement that we didn't own that we would buy two - one for each of us.

I still have many of them.

This one is for sampling soup after it flows down the handle giving it time to cool.

This one is used to slide oven shelves in and out.


An excellent segue to the next item.


Me: Will the front seat hold a fat wife?

Salesman: Yeah, without any problems.

Me: Damn, she has a lot of those.




That reminds me of how hard it is to come up with new ideas.


But every once in a while someone hits it out of the park...

A brilliant design team I know was asked to come up with a tagline for a concert. They wrote: The hottest thing to hit Columbia since Sherman.

When you've finally talked yourself into dropping a deuce in a public toilet.


Picasso and Bridget Bardot




Do you think people should be allowed to walk around with one of these?

Most people would agree with not only disallowing that but also atomic bombs, fully armed Abrams Tanks, etc. So our discussion is not whether to ban weapons but where to draw the line.


Remember the Tea Party?


Fuck racist losers.


Stupid is as stupid does.



Seeing-Eye Shoes for the Visually Impaired

InnoMake is a shoe designed by the Austrian startup company Tec-Innovation. Each shoe comes equipped with a front-mount light sensor. When it detects an upcoming obstacle, it warns the user with a vibration and a cellphone notification delivered through a Bluetooth connection.


I know a woman accountant who has worked from home her entire career.


Kent, a friend of mine, was the HEADLINES writer for the largest newspaper in my state.

I think he would like these.



My wife sent me this one:


I find shit like that so fucking silly.



Rose: Yes, I was on the Titanic.

Guy: Great. Where's the diamond?

Rose: First I will tell you about this boy...

Guy: No, can you just tell us...

Rose: Best sex of my life. Easily.



No matter his past and future accomplishments he will forever be remembered as the guy who did that.

I'm just fucking ruined.


I blame the lead truck driver for not telling them.


If it works...


How in the hell do you know how to drive a car but not know how a gas pump works?






Situational awareness - always.











Anonymous said...

Puzzle time: teal and steal.

Anonymous said...

A-5 As a crossword expert & wordsmith, it surprises me that you use sheath instead of scabbard.

C-2 That is DeSean Jackson and that was not his only football foible. His showboating has cost him (and the team) dearly.

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