About Me

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I'm an artist, educator, militant anti-theist , and I write. I gamble on just about anything. And I like beer...but I love my wife. This blog contains observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while.

Sunday, July 18, 2021

SUNDAY #4589

 One Of My Very Own


EMAIL: ralh.henry.at.folio.olio@gmail.com




That answers the are old question:

"Do androids count electric sheep?"

*That is not funny but I had to look through a hundred comments to find the answer and after all that, I refused to discard it.


*viewer contribution



My rental unit has a sewage pump to send the shit uphill to my house where it joins my sewage line. The plumber said that NOTHING but pee, shit, and toilet paper could be flushed not even gum. It's been 30 years and the pump has never malfunctioned.


Apparently, when you're really good a something you get your own parking spot.


What does this tell you about heaven?

It tells me that heaven is full of people with missing limbs and such. If your eye won't magically grow back then neither will your legs or arms or anything else.




*Yeah, I respond like that sometimes.



Every cop show: Damn, this serial killer is crafty, very smart, and sneaky.

Every true-crime podcast: Despite dozens of complaints from neighbors, it took over a year for police to investigate the source of the foul odor.



On July 4, 2021, as a result of shelling by Russian militants, the chief of the medical unit of the 93rd Kholodny Yar Brigade of Ukrainian Armed Forces, Captain Yuriy  Pysmennyi with the call sign "Feofan" was killed.


Can you spot the girl who bet the rent on a horse other than #6?


This is the newest fad.

Who gets pleasure out of copying a gag they saw on the internet? Can't you even think up your own gags?






Revenge of the Grasshopper, aka Keep it Chill


Have you ever painted yourself into a corner?


A: The trampoline guy.

B: The guy-meets-dashboard guy.

C: The Keep It Chill sissy boy.

D: The guy weaker than a Pride Flag?

E: The roof builder.

I choose the roof guy. He's being filmed and I think it's a tutorial for primitive construction.


I am truly impressed. Bravo, sir.


Thank you film making people.



Did I just see what I think I saw?


There was an argument in the subway.

You won't believe what caused the altercation. I hate to send you elsewhere but believe me, it will be well worth your time.



Interviewer: “Do you have any hobbies?”

Moosehead on the wall: “Ventriloquism”.



Las Vegas 1947


I ran across a photo essay of curved stairs and I culled the best to share with you.

Look at that wall! That is breathtakingly beautiful. Did you notice the same motif is depicted in the tile floor?

I have a thing for stairs. When I toured Mount Vernon they had a person stationed at one set of stairs to tell every person to watch their head as there was a low overhang.

I just stood there staring at that cross-board knowing that countless Founding Fathers had hit their head on it.


On the road out of Reykjavik

I hate cold weather.


Don't give up on this too quickly.

What are the chances?


Get it?


The majestic migration of the wilder beast - crossing a river

Did you notice the little ones having to swim for it over on the left?

Why would they split up into two routes like that?


A guy built his own unusual mini-cabin in the middle of the woods.



He had not one but two poles to hide behind!


This is a pitot tube.

It's a speedometer.


Dealing with road congestion by taking things into your own hands...


Each one of these red hot blobs is future glass bottles.

While working in the United Technology Plant, I spent a lot of time with a guy who designed industrial machinery like that. He said he had much more in common with artists than he did with engineers.

Anyway, here's what happens to the blobs...


Speaking of engineering...

And he ends up overlooking the party.



That is a pencil sketch done in the 1970s of Andy. He was a community treasure.

He immigrated from Lebanon and was quoted in a newspaper article about his degree: "In Lebanon, you only went to college if you were very rich or very smart...and I was not very rich."

He greeted each and every customer with "My friend" or "My dear" and he made it sound sincere each and every time.

The first time I met him a half-century ago I asked for corned beef on rye with Swiss cheese and he said, "No corned beef. Pastrami. You'll love it." And I did and have eaten one a week ever since (except for staythefuckathome, of course.)

He sponsored more youth activity than anyone in town as the pictures document.

He has a one-gallon jar right next to the register where you can take out small change if you need it or deposit small change if you so desire.

Early on he taped a piece of paper around the jar and people could write on it. Countless more paper was added over the years.

I once noticed that there was a buffalo nickel sitting right on top.

I put in a normal nickel and took the Buffalo Nickel with me...and I still have it.

This is Andy, Jr. I taught him in elementary school and he was an excellent student. And since the death of his father, he now greets each customer with a My friend or My dear.

I will never forget the last words Andy said to me.

He was slicing meat at the end of the counter and I walked around and asked, "What's the best part about working for yourself?"

And he looked me right in the eye and said, 

"Hey, asshole, I'm busy here - go bother somebody else with your bullshit questions!"





I always thought it wasn’t necessary to say “Don’t try this at home” yet here we are.



How to Weigh a Koala


A 400-Year-Old Shaman’s Staff Found In Finland

It was carved in the shape of a snake. It is so well preserved because it was found in a bog.



Engineers Built a Cockroach-Inspired Robot That Can't Be Squashed

Some of the best robots are inspired by nature. Now, engineers have developed a small, scurrying bot based on the humble cockroach – with almost as much speed and squashability as its biological equivalent.


The ad read:

"Vintage exercise equipment from grandmother's basement."


It's a treatment based on peptides - short chains of amino acids, linked by peptide bonds, that aren't long enough to be considered full proteins. When applied to artificially created dental lesions in a laboratory setting, the product remineralized tooth enamel, effectively "healing" the lesion.


This is what deicing salt does...

I once had an opportunity to buy a Datsun 240Z for only $500. 

I took it to Cowboy Bob, my trusted mechanic friend, and he said because of the extensive rust he couldn't even put it on the lift because he was afraid it would break in two. I nursed it back to the owner.


Why do people want to paint a picture that looks just like a million other paintings?

But when you think about it, Americans seem to be devoid of any independent thought when it comes to aesthetics. They even buy a wedding ring that looks just like everybody else's. They bury loved ones in caskets that look just like everybody else's and then decorate the grave with almost identical plastic flowers. 

And even something a personal as a tattoo ends up looking exactly like a million other people's.

It's like Americans are incapable of original thought.


U-Haul carrying fireworks explodes in Toledo Ohio

An NHL goalie died when a large firework was tipped over toward him and as he fled he fell and hit his head on the concrete.

Something very similar happened to me. I was sitting in a chair watching my nephews light fireworks on a floating pier. After they lit a large one they ran away thus jarring the pier and tipping the tube. It shot right at my head and I ducked just in time.




A national treasure.





It looks like he didn't even hit the brakes!






This is a mural in a United Technology Factory where they make fuel injectors for heavy equipment. The factory covers 500,000 square feet. Driving from one end to the other I could reach 45mph.

Since it was a construction site we had to get hardhats.

Each color in the designs was painted on its own 3/4" piece of panel cut to the exact shape needed. A completed image was several inches thick with the background painted directly on the wall.

I covered every wall with something to do with their product.

Before we got our final check the murals had to be approved by the CEO of the whole shebang. He walked around nodding then looked at a blowup of an actual injector and said...

"Add another coil to the spring at that injector."

We went immediately to our work area, cut the shape out of scrap wood, painted it, and while it was still wet glued it in place with Elmer's glue.

I made a fucking fortune and immediately went out and bought myself a brand new Alfa Romeo Spider convertible.

I probably should tell you the whole story if you have time. I was painting another mural when two clean-cut-looking guys walked up and introduced themselves as architects for a huge firm based in Greenville, SC. I told them that I didn't paint any designs but my own and they said that the designing was my job. I told them I didn't design without money upfront and they said they would buy me lunch and we could discuss all the details. 

After they explained what they needed we agreed on a $200 a day design fee and that I would require three weeks. I worked very hard on the designs and delivered them to a boardroom full of people...including representatives from United Technologies. They loved them.

Now flash forward twenty years and my new father-in-law is giving me a tour of his company and there on the wall in a cubicle was one of the designs I presented for the mural. I was very excited and my father-in-law insisted I sign it for the guy whose office it was in.

I never knew until that minute that those two clean-cut young architects worked for my future father-in-law.

And lastly, when I took the retainer check from that international conglomerate I had no idea how I was going to do all the shit I told them I was going to do. I had to figure out every step as we plodded along...but it worked famously.

1 comment:

Robin said...

There are eleven of each denomination of coin:

11 x 50p = 5.50
11 x 10p = 1.10
11 x 5p = 0.55
11 x 2p = 0.22

Total = 7.37

The clue here was that the 'target' figure ends in a 7. If this were achieved by 7 x 1p = 0.07 and remembering that the highest denomination is 50p, we would not have enough to reach 7.37, since 7 x 50p = £3.50, and the target is more than twice that.

The only other way to arrive at a 7 is to combine an odd number of 5ps and 2ps to produce figures that end with a 5 and a 2 respectively.

Since with 6 x 12 = 12p we would run into the same problem as above i.e. not enough coins, so 11 x 2p = 0.22p is the next possible choice. Adding 11 x 5p and 11 x 50p leaves us 1.10p short of our target, which conveniently is 11 x 10p.

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