About Me

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I'm an artist, educator, militant anti-theist , and I write. I gamble on just about anything. And I like beer...but I love my wife. This blog contains observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while.

Saturday, August 28, 2021


 One Of My Very Own







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I got this in my email.

When I click on View Photos I got this.

It's a picture of the toy box I made my grandson photographed right off the computer screen during a zoom meeting. 

So, how did Google know it had anything to do with me?



Me: Turns out there IS a wrong way to enjoy a Reese’s. HAHAHA.

Proctologist: Hold still, please.



Nailed it!


Banksy and The Great British Spraycation 2021

Yeah, he's good...not the skateboarder but the guy who laid those bricks!




Something lifted onto the roof of a skyscraper in South Korea.

It's an M167 VADS Air defense artillery positioned on top of skyscrapers in Seoul.

In the case of war, his life expectancy is measured in seconds.


A mom made her kid a snake costume.


I'm pretty proud of the work I've been able to get done in my studio. Amazon has helped a lot.


My wife and I are officially back on staythefuckathome.



That guy on the stage looks like my dear friend, Mel.


Did you notice how fat those critters are? That human probably does that more than once a day.



Prosecutor: What exactly were you doing on May 26, 2016?

Me: According to my blog, I was sitting in my truck eating in a Wendy’s parking lot.



I've worked on enough movie sets to know that all that scenery is just plastic doodads hot glued to something made of cardboard.




I've only seen that type of door twice and both times it was wrecked.


A 25-year-old father carried his 2-year-old daughter into an elephant enclosure at the San Diego Zoo.

"Hello, Child Protective Services..."


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4 dentists: [coming out of the woods]

A guy who saw them go in: Hey weren’t there five of you?

4 dentists: [in agreement] No.



How wonderful.



When the zombies arrive I now know where I'm heading.


4000 year old - Copper - Antenna Sword found in India. The hilt of the sword was made of wood with copper wire woven over it.


Get it?


The Four Seasons

Would it bother you if this was just Photoshopped? It would bother me.


Guess what this is...

Hint: A utensil mostly used by men.


That guy takes his grilling seriously.


As I understand it, there are so few deaths from air travel that it's just not worth it.



Never trust anyone who spells gonorrhea right on the first try.


Almost all of my negative comments boil down to me being a fool for taking my doctor's advice. Think about that for a minute.



Is there something like a test you have to take to prove you are a conservative these days? I think there should be. I offer my questions that should be included:

1. Do you think all vaccines are evil?

2. Do you believe all liberals are atheists and should die?

3. Have you ever considered taking horse medicine to cure covid?

4. Did you say you were waiting for full approval for the vaccine but now still refuse to take it?

5. Are you totally ignorant of how statistics work?


6. Do you consistently refuse to accept numbers you don't like?

7. Do you think Fox News is the only reliable news source?

8. Do you consider this a viable alternative to simply taking your doctor's advice?


9. Do you consider this next statement liberal hogwash?

^^D  1-9^^


"Monkey see, monkey do" illustrated.


Not Russia...China








I found that fascinating.









This bank used to have an open atrium type thing at street level. They had to enclose it with glass because so many bums hung out there. After all, it was cool.

One thing that made it cool was a huge fountain that cascaded down on one side. It was more or less a free-standing hollow wall that filled with water and overflowed over the outside surface.

They soon learned that the painted surface was a maintenance nightmare. At our first meeting to discuss a mural for the face of the fountain they admitted that they were in discussions with another muralist who had impressed them. I asked what kind of paint he was going to use and they didn't know. I said, "The paint peeling off in sheets as large as your hand was two-part epoxy...the best paint you can buy. So...applying more paint is not the answer." When asked what I would recommend I pulled out a few mosaics I had made and told them it would last forever. That's all it took. So I flew off to the American Ocean tile factory in Ocean, NY where I supervised the cutting and placement of the tile.

I hired a professional installer because it had to be PERFECTLY level at the top because of the water flow. They had to bring in a surveyor to mark it off at dead level.

We about shit when the work was all finished and they turned on the water and it fucked up and instead of cascading down it...well, looked like this...

But with very careful adjustment of the pump filling the hollow wall the perfect cascade was achieved and looked like gentle rain on the street.

I chose an old photograph of Columbia that showed the old bank building.

Their building was famous for its very ornate four-faced clock that stood on the corner in front.

I even included the clock in the design.

One of the biggest discussions of the project concerned how many flags to show on top of the State House at the end of the street. At the time it had three - American, South Carolina, and Confederate. I finally ended the discussion by declaring that I was going to put only the two sovereign flags and if they couldn't live with that then I would walk away. They settled on just two flags.

It took months to complete that mosaic and all that time I was in constant communication with one of the most wonderful men I have ever met. His name was O.Stanley Smith and everyone called him...O.Stanley. That's him on the far left in the photo below.

He was a gem of a man who wouldn't allow anyone to make a decision on the mural but him. So I took the elevator up to the seventh floor almost daily. I was told that if I had anything to tell O.Stanley I should bypass all the receptionists and secretaries and just walk into his office. I will never forget the looks of CEOs of powerful companies sitting waiting while I walked straight it. 

Many years later I ran into him at a fundraiser and he hugged me like a long-lost friend. That really touched me.

I named one of my favorite characters in a novel I wrote after him. I'm sure he wouldn't object.



"Almost all of my negative comments boil down to me being a fool for taking my doctor's advice".
No, it's the dogmatic, preaching tone you adopt, and the insanely repetitive nature of what you are saying. The blog has deteriorated from an intelligent multi sided commentary written with wit and taste into a rant. You iterate the well-worn message, giving unwanted moral advice in an annoying and pompously self-righteous way.
Nobody doubts your sincerity, just keep it for the pulpit.

Ralph Henry said...

Dear Mike, Why don't you just skip the Current Events section?
And it seemed so obvious to me but maybe not to everyone, but my blog IS my pulpit.
Stay safe. Mask up. And get a fucking vaccine.

Anonymous said...

The mural - Standard Federal Savings?

Anonymous said...

Ralph, from B10, I really wish my ears were that small. Take care, be safe, and let me know if you need anything. Mel

Ralph Henry said...

Item 1 - Standard Federal yes.
Item 2 - The wife and I were just talking about you and your daughter. Drop us an update. We wish you all nothing but the best.

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