One Of My Very Own
*I don't know what that means. I just thought it would be a weird thing for the bitch to say.
FUN WITH LANGUAGE
I sell my time. And I got very good at discerning how long a project would take. I hardly ever dickered over price. If they didn't have the money I wanted I simply walked away...unless, of course, I really needed the money.
“Listen up, bitches:” engaging, humorous, probably get you fired though.
I will bet you money that that guy has never worn a mask and has no intentions of getting a vaccine...because great minds think alike.
Anyone ever read "The End of Eternity" by Asimov? Reminds me of the barrier in the 100,000th Century.
I know the whole world is fucking falling apart right now but my wife wants everyone to know she just took a massive shit that she felt compelled to watch as it went all the way down the drain.
THINGS I THINK ABOUT OFTEN
"I'm about to get my first Oscar but I see an opportunity to shake The Dudes hand."
Is there anybody who still gives a shit what color he is? I know I don't.
This represents my parents' views.
Rejecting their racism gave me leave to examine everything they had ever taught me about right and wrong. And they came up seriously lacking.
And that's why we have sperm banks.
Why it's so hot in here? That AC isn't cooling at all...
Working with saws and sanders in my studio requires weekly cleaning of the filters.
I know most of you men missed the public art in the background. I really love stuff like that. That one reminds me of this...
BTW: Do you think those massive boulders have a large metal rod running up through them?
Captain Telegram is a real character in my hometown. He had various services for rent like emceeing birthday parties, placing a hundred plastic pink flamingos in someone's yard, singing telegrams, etc. He hung out in my bar and was a genuinely funny guy.
One day he bought a hot air balloon and I asked him how he learned to fly it. He said he had no idea how to fly it but "How hard could it be?" His first flight ended in a crash landing in some guy's backyard.
A man from Manchester began spray-painting penises around potholes to encourage the city to repair them.
I once heard a group of futurists discussing signs of the coming dysfunction of governments. They concluded that the number of unrepaired potholes was a perfect sign of a city government on the brink.
Intercepting packages between my wife and Amazon is my quarantine cardio.
WHAT IT IS IS UNEXPECTED
"IT'S NOT WASHING OFF!!"
I think the dog was trying to save his human.
Adds a whole new meaning to "Petting Zoo".
Governor Cuomo landed a new job already?
How could that fish see the bait through that murky water?
I once needed to photograph a black and white cow from the side as a model for some art. I drove around a farm area until I found a herd, stopped on the side of the road, and aimed my camera. Instantly the whole herd trotted over to the fence and stared at me - none showing me a profile.
I deduced that the farmer drives bales of hay out into the field and the cows that it was lunchtime.
That might be what is going on in that clip.
I've done shit like that all my life. I once attended a party at the home of a man who used to be in the Marines. I secreted dozens of little rubber army men all around his house. He told me that six months afterward he and his wife were still finding them.
The unexpected part was that nothing bad happened even though it was expected.
I often wonder what percentage of my viewers get the gags. This one is rather subtle.
This fool is trying to tear a mask in half for a room full of maskholes. My new favorite term for such people is "Spreadneck".
Oh, look, another embarrassment...
If you are clever enough you don't have to work very hard.
People Who Know How To Pose With Sculptures - Part 2
In the South, we make roads by spraying tar on gravel. In the summer the tar literally boils and forms bubbles.
Youngsters walk around barefooted and pop the bubbles with their big toes.
The human-like behavior is wonderful!
Did you notice that that one bolt is sticking out?
I'm thinking it is to secure the housing that has been removed.
Little Arabian Horse, Prancing Around
That thing cost more than my entire net worth.
What a wonderful question.
What a delightful smile.
Back to the furniture store that I began telling you about a couple of days ago.
This is the last image I shared with you. Note the drawn column on the right.
I decided to do something completely different with this rather small (comparatively) wall. I used a Greek motif.
Everything but the black background was done with graffiti pencils.
For details like this, I cut a stencil.
I think it was the perfect solution to that area.