About Me

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I'm an artist, educator, militant anti-theist , and I write. I gamble on just about anything. And I like beer...but I love my wife. This blog contains observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while.

Saturday, June 24, 2023

SATURDAY #5295

 One Of My Very Own

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Why do something right away when you can wait for it to give you a panic attack?

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Gen Z will never understand the pain and embarrassment of a group of cowboys outing you for getting your salsa from New York City.

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FUN WITH LANGUAGE


^^A1^^

^^A2^^

^^A3^^

Actually, that may not be a joke.

^^A4^^

^^A5^^

^^A6^^

^^A7^^

That sounds like my wife.

^^A8^^

^^A9^^

Don't expect to find books.

^^A10^^

I was once on stage giving a mural presentation in front of 3000 people. At one point I explained falling and breaking my arm and my leg and couldn't use crutches because of my broken arm and when I got a wheelchair I could only go around in circles. At this point, I squatted into a sitting positioned and mimed turning a wheelchair wheel with one hand all the while spinning around and around. Instead of laughing the crowd moaned - until I told them that it was the funny part and then they laughed.

^^A11^^

^^A12^^

^^A13^^

I once read that you have to feed a cow 100 pounds of grain for each pound of edible flesh. That doesn't seem very efficient to me.

^^A14^^

There are always trailing edge people who want the language to remain unchanged but they always lose. The exact same argument was used when we dumped thee and thou for you and your.
^^A15^^

I had "Trump flees to Russia" but there's still a week remaining.

^^A16^^
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I once caught my 6-year-old grandson staring off into space and asked him if he was okay. He replied,  "Yeah, I was just thinking about truck tires" which was amazing since I had been thinking about them all morning.

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Can you guys just post your therapist's advice in the comments so I don't have to go?

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HUMAN ACTIVITY


It is almost like it chased him.

^^B1^^

I would not be very good at that unless it had a chair and footrest.

^^B2^^

No backstory - which is a real shame.

^^B3^^

^^B4^^

^^B5^^

Speaking of...

^^B6^^

It works!

^^B7^^

^^B8^^

Think of the possibilities: 

Watching Predator in a jungle.

Silence of the Lambs in a basement.

Tusk at the walrus exhibit at the zoo.

^^B9^^
For whatever reason, there is a move afoot to declare shrimp bugs.

 I don't really give a shit about the nomenclature, people have been eating bugs all over the world.

I would think the trick to making it popular in the West is how it is cooked. But anyway, if I can eat cow livers and oysters then I can certainly handle a bug.

^^B10^^

Those sick fucks throw people in jail for generations. That means your children's children will be in jail for your crime. I could imagine stopping the suicide by declaring any surviving family member will go to jail.

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I listened to an interview with a young man who was born and grew up in one of their prison work camps. He said that he had no idea that a world existed outside the walls of the camp.

^^B11^^

I'm assuming that's a gag rug that turns red when water is applied.

^^B12^^

I would think that if they could haul a ladder up there to span the abyss then they could haul up a board to make it a lot safer.

^^B13^^

*This may be too large to load.

Much later I found another clip...

^^B14^^

Those would probably be healthier than the pointy-toed ones.

^^B15^^

Twins named "Most Beautiful in the World".

Who could argue with that?

^^B16^^

"In a remarkable display of humanity, over 200 courageous firefighters from South Africa touched down in Edmonton, Canada, ready to join the battle against a furious wildfire."

^^B17^^

The Games Boys Play

^^B18^^

Safety First

^^B19^^
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My 6-year-old: Do dragon fart fire?

Me: I don't know.

Her: I thought you had a master's degree.

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What if slugs are just divorced snails?

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WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT


Somebody sat at a computer and wrote that scene.

^^C1^^

^^C2^^

Imagine if all the graffiti people actually learned how to paint.

^^C3^^

I think we found the carpenter who is getting paid by the hour instead of the job.

^^C4^^

Do you think that is collapsible or is it restricted to open roads without overpasses?

^^C5^^

Not only is it a nightmare configuration but worse, it is to be used in dim light.

^^C6^^

^^C7^^

^^C8^^

Air Brakes - literally.

^^C9^^

It seems to me that unless they are perfectly synced then any slower motor would just act like a drag on the others.

^^C10^^

I bet that the last climb is a bitch.

^^C11^^

Bear Buffet?

^^C12^^

After stunting accomplishments like that we still have people like this...

Anyone who knows a human can be given a new heart for God's sake needs to shut the fuck up about scientific doubt.

^^C13^^

My #1 Advisor thinks that this may be the last generation to be able to see the whole Milky Way.

^^C14^^

^^C15^^

^^C16^^

Can't you just smell that?

^^C17^^

I put Dawn in the soap dispenser in the kitchen.

It will remove all grease from your hands and is excellent for cleaning glasses.

^^C18^^


*Actually, we live in the safest time in human history.

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Here are three relatively easy ones:


What does this say?

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8 comments:

Anonymous said...

B-2
You never know until you try

Anonymous said...

Puzzle: Salsa, Chess, Bobby pin
Raul

Ralph Henry said...

Dear Raul,
Two out of three isn't bad. Would you like to try again?
RH

Larry said...

Puzzle time , Bobby pin from King of the hill.....

Ralph Henry said...

Dear Everybody,
What about the first one?
RH

Anonymous said...

Puzzle: 1) 59/59 (perfect score?) That's all I've got.
Raul

Ralph Henry said...

Dear Instagram User,
Did you listen to all of his testimony?
RH

Ralph Henry said...

Dear Instagram User,
I say if she broke the law then lock the bitch up. Even Democrats can't stand her. That's why they stayed at home in '16.
RH

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