I will have to use the white font inside brackets so you don't cheat. Just highlight (double click) and the answer will appear.
I know why this makes perfect sense...
[ There was a movie audition for cats...TRUE ]
Just busy pissing off the whole world...one person at a time.
Here are several common terms in illustrations.
Can you guess what each is trying to communicate?
[ Pot Smoking ]
I knew a cop that was so good he turned more collars than a Chinese dry cleaner.
[ Phone sex ]
[ Cut the Crap ]
Speaking of cutting the crap....let's talk neck ties.
Many men buy ribbons and secure them around their neck every morning. There are precise parameters when it comes to color....not to bright, nor too dull. All the knots must look just like every other knot. They must be the same length and the same width...but some guy no one has every met changes his mind ever ten or so years and everyone must buy either wider or narrower ties....all at once. And no one ever questions this idiocy.
But if you want idiocy, consider the little button on your coat sleeve. They serve no purpose whatsoever, but no well-dressed man would dare venture out of the house with a buttonless sleeve.
"Did you hear about the freak down in accounting?"
"No. What did he do?"
"He doesn't have any little fake buttons on his sleeve."
"Holy shit!"
[ Shoe Horn ]
This is a true headline I read this morning:
ACUPUNCTURE AND MASSAGE BENEFIT SHOW DOG
[ Bi-polar ]
I'm so pissed off at my wife that I told her that when she is of age, I'm putting her in a home.
[ Chocolate Milk Shake ]
Procrastination is like masturbation. It's fun until you realize that you just fucked yourself.
[ A Salt with a deadly weapon ]
If no single high school teach can teach all the students, how could you expect a single student to learn all the subjects?
[ A lesbian vegetarian's worst nightmare ]
And now this just because I found it hilarious....
[ The newest 3-D printer ]
Dear Alcohol,
We had a deal where you would make me funnier, smarter and a better dancer....
I saw the video....
We need to talk....
[ This is another of the great visual ads from our friends at Tabasco. I think these ads (including the one with the bottle shoved up that lady's ass) are for internet viewers only ]
If a guy remembers the color of your eyes after your first date, then you know you have small boobs.
I know someone who can do this...
[ Me ]
Do you know what the plural of cul-de-sac is?
[ culs-de-sac ]
I know what this is...
[ It's what left of a WWI battlefield ]
Why doesn't wine come in cans?
I know what this is...
[ It's the first airplane taking off from the first aircraft carrier ]
Congratulations on giving your daughter a name that she won't have to change when she becomes a stripper.
I know exactly what this is...
[ These are earrings made of two resistors and a capasitor. The color bands indicate the strength...that's why people who work on nuclear weapons can't be color blind ]
When I was between wives I picked this girl up at a bar and soon we were naked in bed. She just couldn't keep her hands off my balls and after she massaged them for thirty minutes I said, "You seem to enjoy that."
Then she said, "I still miss mine."
Wanna guess?
[ German physicist Wilheim Rontgen's first x-ray ]
You won't believe this shit...
[ When I was a kid, the shoe salesman would fit you with a pair of shoes, then you would insert your feet in the slot and a continuous x-ray of your foot showed your toes moving and fit so your mom could look down and see ]
This one is actually rather cool...
[ The image on the left is of India on a normal night. On the right is India on the night of Diwali...their biggest holiday ]
These all have the same function...anyone....anyone....?
[ Back when people played records on turntables, the peg in the middle was about as big around as a pencil and fit the 33 1/3's, but the 45's had a huge hole so you had to fit one of these over the peg to secure the smaller record. Why the 45's had a larger hole was never explained to anyone and I still don't know ]
You may think you know....but you don't....
[ DMC is in production of their classic reborn, electric, DMC-12 in Humble, Texas. The Electric DeLorean will have a suprisingly weak top speed of 125 mph with 250 horsepower ]
I know what asapiophobe means.
[ A person who hates or fears the lack of intelligence in others.........that one comes in handy more often than you would think ]
Wreak? Movie scene?
[ The results of a flash flood ]
I know what's wrong with this....
[ That's not a mole...it's a capybara ]
I know what a PEDOFILE is...
[A person who really, really needs to learn how to spell ]
I know who said this...
[ Smokin' Joe Frazier ]
I know what misogyny means...
[ The hatred of women by men ]
I know that the average American gets $15,000 in Social Security. But I also know what the average Greek gets.
[ $30,000 ]
I know why this man is special...
[ His name is Karl Slover and he is 93. He is one of the four surviving Munchkins from the Wizard of Ox ]
This is cool as shit...go ahead...guess...
[ This is a sculpture carved to exactly mimic the Japan earthquake that caused the tsunami ]
Do you know what this man was arrested for?
[ Statutory Rape ]
I know why this is not the least bit weird and it has nothing to do with photoshop...
[ She is taking classes to become a make-up artist for movies and she practices on her boyfriend ]
I know what rule this lady has learned well...
[ Rule 39 ]
MY NEW FAVORITE CARTOONIST....
One of my very own...
WOMEN TAKING OFF THEIR SHIRTS JUST BECAUSE THEY CAN, BY GOD....
3 comments:
That's a neat seismic sculpture. On a tangentially-related note, have you seen Sachiko Kodama's "Morpho Towers" ferrofluid sculptures? They're really neat.
Also, good god, those sacrifices are ghastly. I know a few people who suggest that Islam is going through its "unruly teenage years" like the younger religions once did... it all seems very silly to me. And unfortunate and wasteful.
Also, what happened to your post about my response to your Chaplin vid? I came back to see if you'd responded and alas, the post is gone! It is cached forever thanks to Google but your visitors will miss out!
Damn, old buddy, you are on top of this shit.
I never thought that anyone checked the comments (since there are so few of them), and assumed that that one was just between you and I. I now believe that was a mistake. Sorry.
My daughter read my comment to your comment and crawled up my ass. She said that it had a tone of me fussing at a commenter and that that was the last thing I wanted to do. She was right.
I appreciate your interest...I really do. I like to make people laugh, but I also like to make people think. And now, you make me think. Kudos.
I should say that for the next few days I am going to be very, very busy helping my wife open another store. My posts are anticipated to be sub-par.
Also, if I'm not mistaken I saw a demonstration of ferrofluid on a Ted presentation. And, yes, it's cool as fucking shit.
It's cool; impassioned conversation is worthwhile. You've had me both laughing and thinking... that's why I keep coming back.
Another observation: the name of the town Humble, Texas seems a bit oxymoronic (a terribly easy joke, that).
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