FOLIO OLIO: BEING HUMAN...AND THE CHOICES WE MAKE

TRUE: Two friends of mine scheduled their colonoscopy on the same morning. They divided their prep into ten equal parts in cups and played "beer pong"....first one to leave the game lost.

What I miss college.

I actually took a women to a toga party who insisted wearing panties, bra and slip. Yeah, go figure.

Did you hear about the plastic surgeon who hung himself?
(you might want to read that again)

This man was hit in the eye with a paint ball. The scar tissue grew between his pupil so that he has two "holes".

I know this because the exact same thing happened to me with a BB gun.

Now this image.

Ask my daughter about recoil of a weapon. Never....never hold your eye too close. But it gets worse. That's a semi-automatic revolver and as soon as he pulls the trigger, he's going to lose the eye completely.

TRUE: They painted the water tower next to my favorite bar. We have been watching their progress for weeks, which was difficult since they shrouded it in a huge curtain of a thing. Anyway, they hauled the curtain away and I drove my friend over in my golf cart to take a look.
At the base there was four feet of black grit that they used to sand blast the old paint off. My friend asked how in the world they were going to clean that up and I pointed to a dozen or so workers with shovels and said, "They are called Mexican, Billy."
An hour later, a guy asked me to follow him to his car to look at something. It was a new handgun with a new kind of sight. As I experimented with the sight alignment, I noticed that I was "aiming" directly at the base of the water tower and there wasn't a Mexican in sight.

I mentioned to a friend that George Zimmerman had been charged with second degree murder and he asked, "Who did he kill the first time?"

So the wall is coming down and we will soon be able to do whatever we want to do.

What do you want to do with all this new freedom, Boris?

Are there too many illegal aliens in the United States?
22% Yes
17% No
61% No Comprende

Pathos time, boys and girls....

It's called juxtaposition....

If you don't know why this is funny, it's okay, it really is...

When I was in Labrador, I saw a tent with children playing outside and it was -56 degrees....they looked like this.

The only normal people are the ones you don't know very well.

I am a very, very big fish in my very, very small pond...but the pay is right and, well, I have not other skills....

Tequila is a sneaky bitch. One minute you're dancing like a sexy mofo and the next you're on the ground, pantsless, making out with a shoe.

This is what her dad looked like when he went to pick her up for the prom...

If you don't like our sense of humor please tell us...so we can laugh at you.

I actually doctored the image above. He had some feel good message after that, but I thought it was more absurd just to leave him smirking.

When I'm on line eye brows.

If god didn't want me to writhe on the floor making dying whale noises while rubbing myself with mango, he wouldn't have had them on sale for 50 cents at Bi-Lo.

Me? Oh, I'm just painting this huge bridge with a tiny little brush....