THINGS I SAW BEFORE YOU DID

I was having a long conversation about airspeed today.
How does the airplane know how fast it's going if there is a 50 mph headwind or a 50 mph tailwind?
Then I came upon this....

What I do in the privacy of my own shed is none of your bloody business.
(Key Word: Bloody)


For every rule there is someone who will break that rule...

My father invented the toaster strudel.

Send the company $175 with a frontal and profile image and they will put your head on any superhero...

FINALLY!!!


The skeleton glows in the dark...

These are all made of bits of money...

Sometimes I don't know whether I've found a rope or lost my horse.

Today I broke my personal record for most consecutive days lived.

Have you opened your mind today?
Have you ever sat back and contemplated that a portion of your world view is, in fact, wrong.
If not, why not?

You buy the dishes and they provide a room to smash them...

TRUE: Whenever I'm asked how I got my mustache so long, I reply, "Drugs."


I guess it's like robot middle school....

I think that boob jobs should be tax deductible, since they help keep a lot of women gainfully employed.




This looks soooooooo photoshopped....

They say piracy is killing the music industry.
After all, have you ever tried playing a guitar with a hook?

I was once asked "In the event of a fire, what steps would you take?"
"Fucking large ones" was apparently the wrong answer.




Something I've never seen before...

I once asked my wife to pretend she was covered in fur.

Every time I'm introduced to a young woman, I like to say, "You look like one of them Manson girls."




Freaky, this....

Yawning is your body's way of saying "20% battery remaining."


Yes, this is real...

Sometimes I get nervous that I haven't done anything with my life. But then something good comes on TV, and I'm OK.

You realize your childhood is over when you go to sleep on the couch and wake up on the couch.


Fucking brilliant!!!!

Women who seek to equal with men lack ambition.


Never seen this before....

Sorry about your tiny dick.....

I don't have a bucket list, but my fucket list is a mile long.




This is a laundry chute...

A diamond is just a piece of charcoal that handled stress exceptionally well.




This adds a whole new meaning to the word "shot" of whiskey....

Why I love photoshop....

TRUE: I told my friend, Bernie the Jew, about the article that deduced that modern social media makes people narcissistic and he said, "Just walk into their homes! They have no art. They don't have shelves of books. They have only pictures of themselves!!!"
Interesting that.

This is North Korea....and we are afraid of these people?

"LAUNCH?!? I SAID LUNCH!!!!" said Kim Jong-un.

It won't be long, folks....

I find this very depressing...on multiple levels....

Hero or Goat in 10...9...8....

Oh, for the love a Stephen Hawking.....

"Want to drop by the museum?"

TRUE: Today was monthly meeting night at the American Legion, which means a bunch of non-bar goers grace the building. Two very old men walked up to the bar and ordered, then flipped a coin to see who payed.
But neither of them could see clear enough to see if it was heads or tails, so I offered my help.
Afterwards one of them looked at me and said, "Not too long ago in Korea I could spot a Mig five miles away."
I offered to buy their drinks, but they declined.  

TOONS TO AMUSE....

ONE OF MY VERY OWN....

WOMEN THAT MAKE YOU HARD AS FINAL JEOPARDY...