FOLIO OLIO: NAUGHTY BITS

Whenever a bird shits on my car, I eat a plate of scrambled eggs on my front porch just to let them know what I'm capable of.

Jeeeez!

Have you ever cried at a really good Doritos commercial?

You ever wanted to shake things up?

The next time you meet someone, say, "I like your sleeves."

You're young, so shut the fuck up and enjoy life.

Show off!!! (and what do you think the woman on the left is saying?)

You can't out-exercise a bad diet.

Oh, my, we have a lot in common....

Every time I hear that dirty word "Exercise", I wash my mouth out with Doritos.

I regret nothing.

Can you tie a knot?

I cannot.

So you can knot?

No, I cannot knot.

Not knot?

Who's there?

Changing the world one orgasm at a time.

Do me a favor?

Does it involve me getting off my ass?

Yes.

Then, no.

Pole dancing just got real, ya'll....

Do you know how much it pisses me off when someone asked me if I've tried turning it off and back on?

I see what you did there, Uncle Tom....

So I thought it would be fun to sign up to a Christian dating site. I gave as my occupation Gynecologist. I just got an email from the site and I'm now "Bachelor of the Month".

Communism: Making everyone equally poor since 1917.

Are you happy to see me or is that a beer bottle in your shorts?

SAID TO BE TRUE: Decades of research consistently shows that brainstorming groups think of far fewer ideas than the same number of people who work alone and later pool their ideas.

Oh, my, oh, my, oh, my.....

You think in the MacDonald's in Syria they serve dictatortots instead of french fries?

What do gay bears and the World Series have in common?

No Cubs.
(sorry, Kent)

Let's just agree that everyone has the right to believe in anything they want, and everyone else has the right to find it fucking ridiculously hilarious.

So, why is this in a post about naughty bits?

Cause that bitch has balls of fucking steel!

If I had one of those cars with the huge speakers, I would play ice cream truck music and laugh at the disappointment on the faces of all the children.

You never realize what you have until it's gone.

For example, toilet paper.

Welcome to DontGiveAFuckVille.

Population: Me.

Maybe it's just me....

I think we should legalize marijuana in this country, just so potheads have nothing to talk about ever again.

60% of the time it works every time.

A picture was worth a thousand words until they invented photoshop.

Maybe your dick is so small because you took 3/4 of it and shoved it into your personality.

TRUE: Tonight at the American Legion, I had already stood to leave when a very old vet came in and informed us that because of letting gays in the military, two queers cornered a sergeant in the shower and one of them slid a finger up his ass.

I left before hearing the rest of the story, but when I got home and called my bartender and asked him if the old guy was still there. He said that he was and I asked him to ask the old fart if the sergeant enjoyed it.

It was good for a laugh.

This is fucking hilarious!!!!!....LOOK AT THE GIRL IN THE BACKGROUND!!!!!!