SCIENCE AND PEOPLE STUFF

There is a god!!!!

I walked into one of my local watering holes and found a paper advertising tent on the table. DUCK WINGS!!!!

You can't image how good they were.

I promptly stole this advertisement and have it situated so that I look at it about a thousand times a day.

TRUE: My next door neighbor "adopted" five stray kittens...meaning he throws some food out for them. Then two of the five got pregnant and the neighborhood is awash with the foul beasts. I bought a Super Soaker that shoots for 30 feet and have been stalking them every time they trespass my property line. I'm like some ninja assassin; creeping around corners and shooting out windows. It's great fun. 

This is the official poster of Israel's Holocaust Remembrance Day.

Powerful, that.

Yes, there are still some of these people still walking among us....

And yes, there are still some of these people walking among us....

I went to the doctor last week and he asked me to take off my clothes. Then he took one look at me and asked, "Is there a history of physical activity in your family?"

Oh, well.....

So, Dick Clark dies in the year we aren't supposed to have a New Year Eve. Well played, Mayans. Well played.


Excellent article on the legalization of drugs by Leonard Pitts concerning our "War on Drugs". In 1914 one-point-three percent of Americans were addicted to illegal drugs (I'm assuming opium). Today, the percentage of Americans addicted to illegal drugs is......wait for it......one-point-three. The cost? One trillion plus........go fucking figure.

You think that when the Dali Lama was a boy he ever got mad at his parents and said, "I wish I had never been reborn!"

Is it just me, or would everybody be embarrassed to do this?

I went to my local Taboo Adult Superstore for a butt plug, but left when they wouldn't let me try one out. I mean, how was I to know what size to buy?

  
CIVIC 2012: What do I care if they look in my anus; I've got nothing to hide.

This is how I felt exchanging the lost tooth with the money under my daughters' pillow....

I'm being told that I should be more concerned about what Mitt Romney does with his money than what Obama does with mine.

If you don't remember why this is funny, it's okay....it really, really is.....

Rule No. 1 for new graduates: Resume is not spelled R-E-S-U-M-A-Y.

I wonder if the girls on "16 and Pregnant" will come back for "32 and a grandma"?

TRUE: Stars in the universe far outnumber all sounds and words ever uttered by all humans who ever lived.
- NdeGT

Why do ceiling fans come with speed Useless, Useless and Wind Tunnel?

I wasn't on Facebook long, but at least I got to see what everyone's bathroom looks like.

The best way to get rid of a telemarketer is to ask them what they are wearing.....write that shit down, folks.

The upside of Alzheimer's is that you forget to give a fuck.

Camouflage: Redneck

 Level: Alabama

Why do the Ninja Turtles wear masks? Think about it.

This is almost as bad as I looked the first time I shot my Mossberg 500....

When something good happens to me, I wait two weeks to tell anyone......because I like using the word "fortnight".

???????????

Am I the only one who gives a lot of people the finger when I walk down the street with my hands in my pockets?

What do you call a Mexican without a lawnmower?
Unemployed.

I wish I had met this guy......

Hysteria is only possible with an audience.

"No big deal of the day": A boulder was dislodged and rolled down a hill on Mars. Then the tracks disappeared.

But, of course, Mars has an atmosphere with winds and that's what happened....so quit bugging me about it....

This is America, folks! What are we waiting on?!? Let's lower our educational standards even more and speed up the decline of Western Civilization even faster!

How baby planes are made....

 Also, if a 747 can carry a fucking space shuttle, then fuck you and your overweight luggage fees!

Well, this has bad ending written all over it....

I told my wife, "I just ate a fish taco, and it reminded me of you."
She said, "I just microwaved a pizza and it was done in 20 seconds and I thought of you."

Why you should never be the first to fall asleep in prison...

My wife wants me to take my coffee from home to save money. If she really wants me to save money she'd give me sex at home.

And not a single fuck was given all day...

I'm not saying Cher is a Nazi.

In a perfect world no one would speak until 10 am.

TRUE: I still get upset thinking about the library of Alexandria.

Crossword puzzle clue: Word to Virginia
_ _ _
[ YES ]

Ouch.....FUCKING OUCH!!!!!!

How the fuck do they know these new lightbulbs will last for 40 years if they have just been invented?......well????

The box said Instant Oatmeal. Is one minute what you would call "instant"? I think not.

"Oh, nein you didn't!"....

 Do you think that black women know how comical they look when they do that?

Patron Saint of Transvestites.....

Lightning doesn't strike twice in the same place?

Think again. 

Oh, look, a hole in Juan......

That wasn't just plain terrible...it was fancy terrible.....terrible with raisins in it.

Becoming a vegetarian is a huge missed steak.

 Oh, yeah, we all ought to tolerate each other's insane belief in invisible beings......ask that poor tourist's husband about that.

If you don't know what 4/20 was, you can skip the next two....

 4/20.....eleven pm.......

TOON GODDAMNIT!

Believe it or not (but it's TRUE), during my computer problems the only file that was completely erased was my "One of my very own"; and you have no idea how much time it took to pull it together. Anyway, I had to reconstruct this file using my wizard powers, but....BUT can not long remember what I have and what I have not shared with you. Therefore, fuck it...I'll do the best I can....

KIND OF ARTY WOMEN.....