MONDAY #1469

Today, St. Patrick's Day, I visited my favorite bar, which just happens to be an Irish Pub...on St Patrick's day. They had a real Irish band for god's sake!
It was magical. 
The owner and his wife (two of my favorite people in the world) were both working and on staff was their A Team...the best waitstaff and bartenders the world has ever seen.
Having owned two bars and having put myself through undergraduate and graduate school as a bartender, I know of whence I speak. These guys functioned like a well oiled machine. I could but watch in awe.

This is the fake steampunk smoke machine at the Vatican...

I find shit like that hilarious in a hocus-pocus sort of way.
Think about it. The people know....KNOW, the smoke is made with modern chemistry, but they refuse to switch to a modern green light/red light electrical signal.
Now remember, they KNOW it's fake...like the Latin and the incense and the gold shit. They just get off on the pageantry and the "Wow! Just like in the old days" bullshit.
One day they will see the folly, but by then they will be (still) the laughing stock of the civilized world.

And people still ask me why I am so anti-religious.
Remember, I'm not the one that still thinks that severe mental illness is caused by demons taking over your body.

There are teenagers having unprotected sex, yet have protection cases on their cell phones. Let that sink in for a moment.

I like my blow jobs like I like my steaks...well done.
Too bad they are so rare.


I watched a documentary on self-awareness.

They sat baby after baby in front of a large mirror, then they put a spot of blue paint on their noses. Some babies didn't react at all, but other babies looked in the mirror, then reached up to wipe the blue paint off...realizing the baby in the mirror was, in fact, themselves.

My once most trusted advisor is reading all of the books of Game of Thrones. She told me of a later very important development that ruined the entire series for me. I wouldn't dare tell you other fans of this very important development because your feelings are important to me.

My respect for her has suffered a near fatal blow.

Time will only tell if it can be redeemed.

This is the violin that was played on the deck of the Titanic as it (the boat) sank.

Once discovered, it took years to authenticate it, but in the end it was confirmed. I can only assume that it was plucked out of the water by a life boat.
It's worth is almost incalculable. 

This movie has some very, very funny scenes...

"Franks and beans..."
"Don't go near the light..."

I just won an iPhone 5 just for giving out my credit info.


I have no idea if George Bush said this...

But it wouldn't surprise me.
Further, there was a real scandal when the parents of Tillman insisted to know how their son died. They found out it was friendly fire, but simultaneously learned that he was out of position.
There will never be combat without friendly fire accidents, and there is nothing dishonorable about it.

I don't judge people by their appearance...I judge them by the results of their most recent colonoscopy.

One of my very own....sort of...

What I do when I am black out drunk is none of my business.

This is exactly what Crooked Tree was like...

The reason I watch porn is for their exotic locales, intricate storylines, and cliffhangers.

Congratulations to the Catholic Church on demonstrating that even non-European Popes can hate gays.



Repeat?

NOTE: I think the young man will redeem himself. If you are a regular viewer, you know he has matured greatly.

I once got kicked out of a theater for yelling out diving scores during Titanic as the people jumped off the boat.
I had been drinking, so no harm, no foul.


I have seen this done.....with a liquor bottle.

When a whiskey bottle is emptied, you warm it up. The guy that showed it to me just rubbed it between his legs for a few minutes. Then he turned off the lights and put a match to the lip of the bottle. It not only resembled the clip above, but the flame evaporated more liquid and the disk of flame traveled down, then back up, then back down several times.
Try it.

I've had waitstaff tell me that when a customer orders bottled water, they just fill up an empty bottle with tap water and they have never been called on it.
(to remind you, a chemist suggested I use a home filter to get rid of the drugs (all kinds) that are not filtered out of your tap water)

My wife does this. I think she knows how I admire beautiful women's feet...

My mama always told me, "Life is like a box of chocolate; 3 you'll like, and 12 you'll hate, but you'll eat them anyway you fat bastard."


This is a good idea on multiple levels...

My biggest problem with this is that the easiest crops to grow are also the cheapest at the grocery store. You could spend dozens of hours producing food that only costs $20 at the store. No very good time management.
However, keeping the pesticides and herbicides out of your body may make it a very attractive endeavor.

This is a still from a Youtube video. As you can see from the player's ankles, the ball is floating. He first picked it up and threw it into play, but the referee made him kick it out of the corner...

Rules are rules, by god.

This surprised me. 
I don't know why...

Speaking of...

I take their pain very, very personally...

A man does what a man has to do, and a promise is a promise.
Seeing that honorable brave motherfucker, I would have cried like a baby....I mean that.

This is NOT a friend of mine. That is just the way the image arrived to me...

This reminds me of something babies do.

Researchers painted the floor to look like this, only it looked like descending stairs (like down to a basement). The walking toddlers would waddle up to the edge, then get down on all fours and attempt to back down the "stairs".

These make no sense.

They don't work when you hands are slippery. It is very hard to open it when carrying something. And you must have a functioning, health, grasping hand to make it work.
When I first arrived in Germany I instantly saw the brilliance of this design.

You can open it with an elbow, and if flexible enough, your ass.

Remember when we used to actually follow the constitution and only Congress could declare war?

This is called the miracle tree. It survived all that nature could throw at it during the Japanese tsunami...

As I understand it, the scaffold is permanent...for protection.

Have you ever had a country breakfast so good that you could actually hear your arteries clog?


One of my very own...

If Lance Armstrong and Oscar Pistorius have taught us anything, it's not to trust athletes with missing body parts.


Boy, that escalated quickly...

There's nothing worse than gay guys with bad haircuts.


Learned something today...

There is so much wrong with this image, I don't know where to begin...

This woman brings home a little sand from every beach she has ever visited, then does this...

That, boys and girls, is an heirloom.

A bottle opener made of kangaroo ball sack...

There are states where it is illegal to even make a hangman's noose...

I wonder how long after the invention of the fence did someone think of this...

Everybody role plays their own adequacy.
(read that again)

This man is making a political statement...or NOT making it as the case may be. I just don't know what it is...

I think these guys more or less nailed it...

(especially Godfather, Alien and Jaws)

Rothko.

I have sat and stared at one of my paintings for hours...days sometimes. I even had a special "Ponder Chair" I used to figure out what I needed to do. Abandoning a painting is a huge decision. 

Did you notice that nobody honks at the Batmobile?

(see role playing quip above)

This has GOT to be in Mexico...

This is what happens to a stream of water in front of a huge speaker...

THEN THERE'S THIS...

A guy finds a great 40' boat washed onto the shore in front of his house. The registration numbers indicated it came from Japan, washed away during the tsunami. Then the feds got involved and is storing the boat waiting for the rightful owner to claim it. After 7 years it is considered abandoned.