FRIDAY #1785

Huge meeting to discuss recent shooting of a USC co-ed in Five Points area.
Mayor was there...Chief of Police...and my wife....

Did you notice that everybody else has a black microphone, but my wife's is silver? What's up with that?

I once wrote Letters To The Editor regularly....now, not so much. I dusted off my opinion pen for this latest entry:

SUBJECT: FIVE POINTS

The Huns are at the gate! The savages are running amok; robbing, raping and murdering at will….and I haven’t even dug into my bag of hyperbole yet!

So what does the best and brightest suggest we do to solve this problem? Close the bars early. Seriously.

I wonder what they would do if there was a spate of bank robberies? Close the banks?

What do you do if the thugs continue their mayhem just prior to the new mandated closing time? Keep closing them earlier and earlier?

No, closing bars as a way of controlling this problem is just giving up and ceding the late night streets to the predators. I would rather just pay them to stop victimizing us…it makes about as much sense. 

Am I the only one who noticed the similarity?

Just heard about an emerging third party called the American Party. Let's see how this works out.

Will posting this send me to hell?

If you drink enough beer, it tastes just like confidence.

Out of food? Try going to the store. Many stores will give you food in exchange for money.

 HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHHA!

Squint your eyes....amazing...

But what are the red things?

I finished a book and my wife asked me who wrote it. I said, "Have you ever heard of Graham Greene?"
She said, "Well, duh! We've all seen Bonanza."


Ah...I think I see the problem, Abdul...

Just the term "Cambrian Explosion" makes my dick get hard...

Have any of you young guys ever hollowed out a large pepper and stuck your dick in it. I've heard it feels just like a vagina.
Let me know how that works out for you.

Worth more than 1000 words...

When it comes to sex, guys are supposed to know what they are doing.
Ladies are expected to stay virgins until marriage.
But homosexuality is bad.
So who are the guys supposed to be having all this sex with?

I was in a group discussion about people who do stupid shit and one guy began his comment by pointed to the guy next to him and saying, "I once saw this slingblade motherfucker..."
I knew by the laughter that he was referring to the movie by same name. That's a put-down that is impossible to recover from.

Grandmothers in their kitchens with their signature dish...

Sorry I couldn't give you the ingredients, but the site didn't give them to me either.

I'm pretty sure these are the ones that had to be moved due to flooding caused by a dam...

 Did you notice the man for scale?

Alcohol and yard work, entertaining neighbors since the 1950's...

Christian Logic 101....

PETS: A TUTORIAL

Canine....

 Feline...

Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.

Silly? Yes...

 Do I give a shit? No.
It's an internet thing.

Architectural porn...

All your dreams can come true if you have the courage to kick a little ass every now and again.

Speaking of stuff coming out of a nozzle...

Did you notice the "I got this" Latino mouth thing prior to being embarrassed in front of her....whole......country.

Found a new website I like a lot...

Yes, but is it art...

Who the fuck knows any more.

I stand behind my decision to avoid salad and other disgusting things.

Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu.  A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone’s relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts.

However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird’s beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.

MTA then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills.

The Ornithological Behaviorist very quickly concluded the cause:   When crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger. They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout “Cah”, not a single one could shout “Truck.”

How long to you think normal people like you and me would have to wait for a picture like that?

This eagle has no wings. I bet he's having the time of his life...

 ...although, wouldn't it be like taking an armless man to a ping pong tournament?

I bet it's cold as shit there...

Attention Walmart shoppers: Please remember to dress for the body you HAVE, not the body you WANT.

 Taking "Rules are rules" to an absurdity...

This tells you everything you need to know about men...

This is the first time I’ve been here since the last time I was here.

It's considered "gay" for a little boy to play with half-naked women dolls; but "straight" for him to play with muscular, loin-cloth clad man doll.


Is this true?

Studies have proven that when a guy walks with a male friend, and they accidentally touch hands, then both of are gay.

 I once heard an interview with a POW who was asked if he hated the men who tortured him. He said, "I had just dropped a 2,000 pound bomb on his house. What would you expect him to do?"

I just realized I haven't played Hokey Pokey in 35 years.
I guess when you get older you just forget what it's all about.

Voted Most Likely To Be Put On The Sexual Offender's List....

If you have the skills to make high-quality animation, would you use it for this?

When people say, "It's better than sex", they clearly aren't having the right kind of sex.


Seriously. Do you think this man shit himself?

I'm willing to set an over/under at full colon evacuation and a mere sock staining trickle.

Very early in life I decided to be my own role model.


Oh, really?

We once got a rare snow and my father suggested we make snow ice cream...snow, vanilla, sugar. I told him my kids weren't going to eat it because there were warning all over the TV telling you not to eat it.

He scoffed at that and asked why they would say something so stupid, since he had eaten tons of snow ice cream. I said, "Back then you had clean air. Now we have polluted air and the ground wasn't covered in lawn chemicals." He seemed to understand that.

This works on heat seeking ground to air missiles only...

...and that is even iffy.

Because I can, that's why...

 I've made sculptures exactly like that.
You bury a modeled piece of Styrofoam in wet sand, then pour in the molten aluminum. 

You spoiled pouting little bitch...

Quick! Buy him another castle.

I like this guy's stuff...

Rosemary Panky was the first girl I ever kissed. Merry Pickens was the first girl I ever loved. And Cheryl Ivey was the first girl I ever….you know. There, I’ve said it.

(I did not misspell Merry...that was her name) 

Oh, here's Merry now...

Midnight. That whispering ghostly hour when the night watchman snores the loudest.


I will bet money that this woman can strike that facial expression on demand...

Over and over and over again.

AND THEN THERE'S THIS...
I have a special post concerning instructions photographers give to models...it will be coming out this afternoon....might be worth a revisit to Folio Olio.