THURSDAY'S FALDERAL #1791

Yeah, this is the way people in my neighborhood are beginning to feel...

Yesterday I picked up the phone and a young woman identified herself and said she was calling from The State newspaper. I immediately said, "Where the heck is my letter to the editor!" She laughed and said she just called to say it would accompany a special section that will address the gang problem. 

New Yorkers...you gotta love New Yorkers...

On the exact same spot that the real Banksy's were sold cheap, a guy set up his own display of fake Banksy's and even advertised them as fake and STILL sold out!

Got this from an old friend at the start of the World Series...

I've know the guy for 20 years and didn't know he was also a Boston fan...go figure. I have money bet on the games....Boston straight up. Wish me luck.

Described, in the finest euphemisms available to the Whackyweedia collective, as a "faith-based political theorist."

I wonder if any of those NASA guys left their semen on the moon. And if not, why not?

Protecting the city from evil...

 Well, somebody really dropped the ball this time.

"You ladies aren't from this neck of the woods, are you?"

"Oh, sorry. No pun intended. I'll be more careful neck time....I mean, next time."

Beautiful...

There are almost 400 billion trees in the Amazon River basin, close to the number of stars in the Milky Way galaxy.

Living in a college town, I have seen a lot of Asian drivers. This MUST be an Asian driver...

 Did you notice the other driver very wisely getting out of her way?

I've seen enough horror movies to know not to go near these things...

"Always" and "never" are two words you should always remember never to use.

When I was a kid, I didn't get a "time out". I got what was called "time's up", and then I got my ass beat.

CAR POOL done wrong...

For Halloween you should go as the person you claim to be on Facebook.

Now pay fucking attention and take it slow...

 That employs the same technique as this...

"Let's face it, Boris..."

The first rule of real leadership: Everything is your fault.
In fact, if one of my mural crew fucks up, it's because I didn't adequately explain my expectations....I mean that.

Halloween costume on a budget...

Magnificent example of OCD done right...

You are okay. You really are. Anyone who says differently is selling something.

 HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

My wife must be from Yemen...

Who knew?

So when is this 'old enough to know better' suppose to kick in?

You would be amazed at how many people have gotten their dick stuck in a toaster.

Subtle, this....

"I'll just flip this here omelette....aaaaaaand I'm having scrambled eggs."

Topless women in the city, because...why the hell not...

Have you ever been physically removed from an Olive Garden for eating too many breadsticks?

What I imagine Obamacare will look like...

Seriously, look at how they fucked up the online registration, then tell me you want these same people to be in charge of your health care? 

Speaking of health care...

I'll have one of what he had....make it a double.

Don't say you weren't warned...

A HEAD. Get it?

Is there ANYTHING that some people won't buy?

This morning my wife left the bathroom smelling like meatloaf. I was actually rather proud of her.
But the dog puked.

Cosco shopping makes you ask questions like no other place....like, "will I live long enough to use all of these paper towels."

My grandpa made a fortune selling file folders to the mafia.  He was in VERY organized crime.

In honor of October the Fetish Month, I present this motherfucker...

And...

If we all think "One Nation, Indivisible" is a good idea, then we need 53 states....a good solid prime number.

....and a broken cheek bone....

I would never consider selling my wife....unless, of course, it was by the pound.

How.......clever...

Shit you don't see every fucking day...

GODDAMN, YA'LL!!!!

That was difficult to watch.....fifteen times.

Guy photographs assembled people from above...

There were several examples, but because of the alignment I peg this one in China.

I like it...

If a woman ever pulls out a knife on you during an argument, just pull out some bread and mayo. Her woman instincts will kick in and she'll make you a sandwich.

 Victim or Kill Bill character?

What can be done with just paint...

I just read an ad for a charity haunted house. If I pay $40 to walk through a haunted house, it better fucking kill my ass....and I should enjoy every terrifying moment of it!

People have been doing this shit for a long, long time...

Cool car, though. That thing looks like so much fun to take out in the middle of nowhere.

I got a lot of free time. I mainly use it to nap and cry.

Old Halloween idea...

I took an IQ test. The result was negative.