TUESDAY #1768

Perhaps you've heard tell of Krokodil, an injectable street-drug popular in Russia that causes your skin to go green and scaly and eventually to rot off all the way to the bone at injection sites, and gives its habitual users permanent slurred speech and jerky motions, earning it the nickname of the "zombie drug?" Phoenix poison-control centers now report that they are treating krokodil users, suggesting that the practice of using the drug recreationally is has begun to spread to American shores. A Google Image search for "krokodil" will supply you with ample nightmare fuel for years to come.

Many consumers already distrust food imports from China, but the U.S. Department of Agriculture nonetheless announced recently (and “quietly,” according to NPR) that it would exempt four Chinese companies altogether from USDA inspections of their processed-chicken exports. The changes are part of the Department’s money-saving streamlining.

Big penises are kind of like a Hummer limo. It looks cool, but if you can't park it anywhere what's the point?

Most women won't remember how big your dick is. But they will always remember how big of a dick you were!

How come I never learned that you can destroy a magnet just by heating it?

Venus of Willendorf...

There is speculation that she is a fertility goddess.
I say bullshit. It was a masturbation aid....pure porn...and I'm sure it works just fine, thank you very much.
But I don't feel comfortable telling you how I know that.

Hubba-hubba.

Is meth vegan?

Another One Of My Very Own made it to a major humor site...

Their olive oil is no longer virgin, but I am no longer welcome at that restaurant.

Mermaids hate misogyny.

This needs to be revisited from time to time...

 ....not that revisited...

In my ongoing quest to drive people insane, the next time you give a cashier a hundred dollar bill, whisper, "Don't rub it too hard.....yet."

Kerouac?

I have never seen Breaking Bad.

Earth from above...

No children were harmed in the making of this clip...

People often forget that kindness is free.
(I like that)

This was an ad lib...

Are you ready for the justice for polygamists argument that are sure to follow gay marriage legalization? I say go for it. Why the fuck would I care how many wives or husbands you have? I mean, shit, half the men in the bible had more than one wife.

If you only read the books that everyone else is reading, you can only think what everyone else is thinking.

Mother was distracted and toddler made his way to ocean. Dog saw this and laid in front of the boy to keep it safe...

Let's see a cat do that.

"Don't be such a cunt all the time."
- Ghandi, 1929

What a wonderful song...

I had a teacher one time, Mr. Williams, who was great. The only thing he did I hated was this: When he gave a true/false test, he subtracted your misses from your correct answers and used that number as your score. Here was his reasoning.
Theoretically, you could guess at every answer and get a score 50%, since, like flipping a coin, you should get half of the correct. Since (back then) 60 was passing, just by guessing you were within 10% of passing without knowing anything. To the extreme, if you guess at all the answers and get a 50% and know nothing, then you deserve a 0......50 minus 50. 

Japanese scientists have grown teeth from stem cells coaxed out of urine.

I contend that America's drug problem is not the street drugs that get so much attention...

We Americans pop pills for ANYTHING that distresses us.
What message does that give your children?

Ever notice that if companies can't make money off of it then it's illegal?

And don't just take my word for it. Read this:

Pity the British establishment. Like their American counterparts, they keep insisting -- against all evidence -- that they're winning the war on drugs, that drugs are an unimaginable scourge and far worse than tobacco or booze, and that the real problem is that we're not jailing enough addicts for long enough. Despite this, well-informed, respected people continue to publicly state that the war on drugs is a public health, economic, and legal disaster. Last time, it was UK Drugs Czar David Nutt, who called banning marijuana and psychedelics "the worst case of scientific censorship since the Catholic Church banned the works of Copernicus and Galileo"

NEWS FLASH: O.J. Simpson did not steal prison cookies.

What a few moments of silence in a table discussion? Just declare "I'm sexually attracted to owls." Then get up and go to the bathroom.

 Now that is some slow fucking luggage.

Ya'll don't know the feeling when you're standing in a bar or other crowded place, knowing you have the most handsome beard in the room and all the sudden a guy comes in and out handsomes your beard and stands right next to you like a wolf declaring his dominance.

Why weren't these redesigned to hold smart phones?

Headline: Gay, Mentally Challenged Biracial Male Cheerleader Claims Discrimination

Never watch the game on an empty stomach.

We, for whatever reason, have chosen to live in a society with lots and lots of laws. It’s as if we are playing a board game where we borrow money, buy a house, open a business, make mistakes, etc, but we don’t know all the rules. We know some of the rules, but when the shit hits the fan we call in a pro…the guy or gal who has actually read the whole fucking rulebook. In real life these people we call lawyers, and I think they are unjustifiably vilified. Remember, for every person that is fucked by a lawyer, there’s another person who is very pleased with the outcome.

I have a theory about marijuana...

I think most people really don't give a shit about marijuana. Those ardently opposed have been told that mostly blacks and Mexicans like it and they don't like blacks and Mexicans.

It's called a "Man" hole for a reason, asshole...

Starbucks is banning smoking within 25 feet of it's stores. It's tricky, since every Starbucks is 25 feet from another Starbucks.
Seriously, I would love for a coffee peddler to accost me on a public sidewalk and demand I follow his rules.

The fear of being boring is a great motivator.

If you ever do something stupid...like put the cereal in the fridge and the milk in the pantry...just remember, there are many Americans who think the world is 2013 years old...seriously.

If you don't like my post that's fine, I get that.
But you're wrong and I hate you.

AND THEN THERE'S THIS...
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