WEDNESDAY #1797

Remember that jerk-off with the imaginary girlfriend?

Brilliant!

Well, I'm all ready...

The NFL is obsessed with players getting brain damage. They are changing all the rules and ruining the game. I say, you can solve the whole problem if the NFL would just start drafting stupid players; that way any brain damage would be all but unnoticeable.


I bet this is very effective...

Army personnel have started using liposuction to help them pass their physical. 


This son of a bitch comes up with this shit EVERY FUCKING DAY!!!

But they were no match for the mighty Soviet Army...

The more things change...

...the more they stay the same...

Halloween must be a tough day for prostitutes.

If anyone ever tells you that you put too much peanut butter on your bread, stop talking to them. You don't need that kind of negativity in your life.

Well, it looks like somebody got overly excited...

There is no "we" in "food".

Kids today get annoyed after illegally downloading music when it turns out to be bad quality.

Confidence is the fucking key to everything.
Confidence is also the key to fucking everything.

My daughter once asked me if she was an accident. I told her no, she was a mistake.

You know, it's a hell of a note when you can't even trust the fucking news...

I wonder what's wrong with that asshole lately....

You think he's picked up on a US conspiracy for his demise?

And the irony was missed by all...

Something I didn't know...

These invasive creatures, spread mostly by anglers dumping their bait, have taken up residence in about half of the million-acre wilderness, by one estimate. And they are re-engineering the forest floor as they go.

Each year, the worms can eat a season’s worth of basswood leaves, depriving the forest floor of “duff,’’ the carpet-like layer of decaying matter that is a critical component of northern American forests.

In a healthy forest, the duff keeps tree roots cool, germinates tree seeds and mushrooms, and provides a home for ovenbirds, salamanders and other small creatures. But with the worms, the earth is bare, a circle of hard-packed dirt 30 feet in diameter. Trees that might fare better here as the climate warms — hardwoods such as red maple and basswood — can’t take root in the packed dirt. Instead, the worms create ideal conditions for invasives such as buckthorn and garlic mustard, plants that evolved with them in Europe.

With the invention of printing on clear sheets, this is an excellent tool for enlarging just about anything...

And because they are now obsolete, they are very cheap.

This man is my hero...

He can say "We just don't know" with more confidence that anyone else on earth.

1642-1649 : Hand brand for use Royalist deserters

Ouch!

Sometimes I feel sad, then I remember Isaac Newton's hair.


Pick up line you don't hear all that often...

"That's what she said."

 Well, I care about MY boner.

They make it look so very, very easy...

"Damnit Jim, I'm a doctor, not a soccer player!" - Norway

By all indications, this is authentic...

Charles Darwin's Son Draws Cute Pictures on the priceless Manuscript of On the Origin of Species

Most of us identify Charles Darwin as the father of modern evolutionary biology, but were you aware that he also fathered ten children with his cousin, Emma Wedgwood?

COUSINS?!
Believe it or not, I had a OOMVO ready to go on this very thing...

This was meant to be an indictment of government efficiency....

But I think not. You got a guy in charge of traffic cones, and a guy in charge of ladders, and a guy involved in making sure everyone is dressed the same, and a guy to bring the tools, and a guy to fix the street light.....and a paramedic in case somebody gets hurt.
What so inefficient about that?

This person should get some sort of reward for best idea of the century...

It's an ice rink type strip running down the bar to keep your drink cold.

If a stork brings white babies, and a crow brings black babies, then what brings no baby?
A swallow.

Viking petting zoo...

Can you imagine...

Can you imagine reading that in...say...Spain, they have a word that only one group can use and other groups can get in real trouble for using...like that fat cook who used it 30 years ago. We would laugh at their ignorance. And in the hypothetical above, imagine the group used that word in just about every sentence.
Nigger, nigger, nigger. There, I've crossed the ridiculous, made-up, line imposed by people I don't know.
Fuck you.
What if retards started calling themselves retards but insisted non-retards couldn't.
Or queers doing the same.
All the truly rich words are slowly being removed from our vocabulary.

They called this "Evandalism"...

When I was a kid, my teacher asked me to give her an example of two pronouns. I said, "Who, me?"

How I look at my wife when she talks me into sitting at a table with stupid people and they say something really, really stupid...

In the name of equality I am encouraged to give up my seat to a woman. I think it's because we insist they wear those ridiculous shoes....and in that one situation we feel guilty.

This took me much longer to get than it should have...

My wife is doing very well with her pole-dancing classes...

This is a picture I took while I was running a 5K for a PETA fundraiser.

 “This is a picture” is the only non-lie in that statement.

This is exactly what the Cherokee Trail looks like...

 I stood on a portion of it. It was tamped down by the millions of feet traveling from the Cherokee homeland of North Carolina to the coast of South Carolina over thousands of years.

You are what you listen to.

Question: Are you an artist just because you spray something on a wall?

 Granted (and I've had this discussion many times) you may be a BAD artist, but you are still an artist.

I have a much higher definition of the word "Artist". Maybe we ought to coin a new word for every kid with a can a spray paint being called an artist. If I know anything for sure, it is that being an real artist takes A LOT of practice....practice that results in throwing away the 90% failures you have to endure before you get it right. I'm not sure allowing any teenager with a can of spray paint to practice on a wall that everyone must look at every day is such a good idea.

I equate it with giving the title 'surgeon' to anyone with a knife.

And he could have filled dumpsters with his failures.

LET'S HEAR FROM THE ANTI-DEIST...

"Noah," said god, "When you get the animals unloaded from the ark, do me a favor and burn some of them for me as an offering......I like offerings."

Ah, yes, the uplifting story of Noah, where an all loving god massacres every living thing on the planet, including millions of men, women and every single living child and baby for the sole purpose that they didn't give him enough attention. How charming.

And people have no difficulty believing that two of every animal could fit on one boat, but evolution is ridiculous.

Curiouser and curiouser.

You know, for an entity who created the universe, he strangely behaved exactly like earthly Bronze Age barbarians.