FRIDAY #1820

NEWSY BITS

Young guy told us he was going to Europe for three months. I said,  “I hope you don’t get butt raped by one of those gangs of gypsies.”

“WHAT?!”

“Well, they might have put a stop to that since August, but it turns out it’s a rite of passage thing among gypsies and Europe is eat up with fucking gypsies.”

Can you spot the American...

I think these are fascinating because they are not fossils, but an actual dinosaur feather in amber...

College students who cheated on a simple task were more likely to want government jobs, researchers from Harvard University and the University of Pennsylvania found in a study of hundreds of students

There ought to be some kind of Nobel-type prize for the guy who invented the ice dispenser in the fridge door.

It's not easy being retired, you know. I had to get dressed today...and there are other pressures.

I'm pretty sure if one person is unconscious during intercourse...that'd be rape.

 At least it worked for me.

OOMVO...

A conscience doesn't prevent sin, it simply prevents you from enjoying it.

A FEW PHOTOS FROM THE PAST

 As a child, I visited a child in an iron lung. He talked to us by looking up into a mirror set at 45 degrees. I'm not proud that it freaked the shit out of me.

 That reminds me of Men in Black when Will Smith was given that little tiny gun.

My nephew in his tree stand...

 And if I might add, that's a pretty awesome selfie.

Try to guess what great mind came up with this:

My 11 year-old great niece, Caroline

Fucking brilliant...

 As a teenager, I was tasked with cutting more firewood than I care to remember. It was during this time I vowed never to own a house with a functioning fireplace. And I never have.

Buddhist extremist cell vows to unleash tranquility on the west.

My daughter is very concerned about this problem now that we have paperless computer voting machines...

Scientists find world's oldest animal, promptly kills it...

 And it was alive when it was collected. As the clam grows, it adds a ring very similar to trees; then just counting them give the age.

How do you tackle a 400 pound running back...

 You don't.

OOMVO...

I can just hear Ode To Joy....

Being smart is useless without someone to be smarter than.

And then.....he eats his own vomit.

Have you ever....never mind...

Never really thought about that two-headed girl driving before...

Is fat really the worst thing a human being can be? Is fat worse than vindictive, jealous, shallow, vain, boring, evil, or cruel? Not to me.

NOTE: I gave doing seven day a week full posts a shot and....no. It's just too much fucking work. I will post tomorrow, but after that I have to see if I've gleaned enough stuff for a Saturday post. And I'm going to bring back the Sunday Anti-Sermon.