MONDAY #1809

By far the greatest moment of the LSU/Bama game.

On the LSU campus, he is now famous. Go figure.
I took LSU and 12 1/2 points and still lost. Umph.

There is a feature to connect you to a live help person for help on a new computer. If it works the way we think it works, I've got some advice for her....

This woman was kidnapped; her family hunted down her captor, saved her, killed him…

Police on why the family got there first: “It just so happens where they were looking was where she was found.”

(god I love language)

Olympic Torch given the tour of the outside of the ISS...

Something I can't say I've ever seen before.

A New Mexico woman in her fifties who was subjected by federal agents to a two-handed (!) vaginal and anal examination, an involuntary X-ray and CAT scan, and was forced to defecate in front of strangers. The woman was suspected of being in possession of drugs, on the basis of a drug-dog alert at the Juarez/El Paso border crossing. No drugs were found. The federal agents -- it's not clear what agency they were with -- did not obtain a warrant. The doctors at University Medical Center in El Paso performed the procedures without the victim's consent, including the CT scan.

....Does that...outrage you? Or are you thinking, oh, she probably "looked" guilty or some such shit.
Well, I AM outraged. There is a reason the whole warrant thing was invented to start with and shit like you just read WAS THE FUCKING REASON!!!

I will admit, during my life I have fucked married women, but even a low-life like me would have to draw the line at this...

 Okay, smart ass, tell us about invading Russia with winter coming.

You might want to listen to this wise man..

Here's another language miracle from my nephew:
"From an article I read today...interview with a winner of a half-marathon:

“I finally reached my goal of breaking 90 minutes,” she said with that strong English accent that is so common in England where she’s originally from."

I know it may not be true, but this guy looks like he's got the funnest job in the world...

It's official...'Huh' is the universal word.


This seems like a whole bunch of time and expense...

I would hire this clever motherfucker...

How come Frodo had to leave Middle Earth anyhow?

Anybody got a leather coat they want to get rid of cheap. I found this one on line and really liked it....

It just sort of looked like me, what with all the pockets and shit.
Then my wife found this...

She said I have very good taste....but no.

I wants people to notice her intellect...

I agree with this up to a point...

There are people I want to be proud of me and my behavior, but they are family.

I've done this. Have you done this?

OOMVO...

It’s called supersaturation and I don’t understand it…

Let's not forget that we still have people dying in a war...

This reminds me of roadtrips with my homies...

Reposts…so many new visitors who haven’t seen the old stuff that I liked. So, either enjoy it again or ignore it. 

I think he's done that before.

OOMVO...

So, let me get this straight. A big kid comes to your house on Halloween without a costume and you don't think they "deserve" some of your cheap candy, so you give them a rock. Now you have a pissed off big kid on your porch with a ROCK?!

 WTF did I just read?

I saw this in our local grocery, and couldn't help but marvel at the logistics needed to get this crab from a boat in Alaska to Texas. Fresh and ready to eat.

Having been in the bar business a couple of times, I have bought more than my share of stools. I know stools, and they all suffer from common ailments...weak glue, ill-fitting joints, crappy wood, etc.
Well, about ten years ago I go to Walmart and buy a solid oak stool. I examined it very carefully. There were no knotholes. They were all sturdy as a rock. I have owned it for 10 years with daily use and it's still tight as a drum, meaning that the joints were tight and the glue was high quality. I tell you this because the stool cost me $9. I don't know how they can even ship the stool here for $9.
Plus, it is the only affordable stool I have ever seen that had a seat made of one piece of oak, not the lamented shit that will crack and pinch your ass.

And remember, the prayers of an amputee has never, ever been answered, and I find that just a tad telling.

These people look like real pricks....

I would have laughed at the cleverness.

I want to be that cool ass motherfucker when I grow up...

???

 $500.....hmmmmmmmm.

That zany caption guy...

If company's advertised honestly...

When you see it...

Take a good look at this masterpiece...

 Now look at this...

 I have begged other street artists to explain it to me, but I've come up empty. I just don't get it. Oh, I understand that people play with color and shape, but after the millionth time you paint more or less the same thing, you would think people would just move on to something more creative.

It's like middle school students who draw the same cartoon character over and over and over. Why?

Yeah, been there, done that. I took great pride in positions that, at the time, I thought no other human couple had ever attained...then they invented the internet...

...and I realized I was a real novice.
Speaking of...

Is nothing sacred? No, Happy Mutants, nothing is sacred.

Watched a documentary of what shit went on in Serbia and Bosnia. It was genocide. Everybody knew it, but nobody did anything. We thought Europe should deal with it since it was in there own backyard, but when the Europeans finally did go in, they were given specific orders not to shoot anybody...not even to stop the slaughter of women and children....

Anyway, these people just kind of look like they are aware of those facts.

 My buddy, Jack, was teaching a class and threatened to send a girl to the office. She said, "If you do I will tell them you touched my butt." She was in the 5th grade.

They learn fast in the hood.

What about those in heaven with their dead relatives walking on streets of gold? Oh, that’s right, we have been up in the heavens with cameras and shit and it wasn't there. 

What a wonderful fund raising idea...

Sam the Clam. That will only mean something to the people who were there with me at the time of the train ride, but I will never forget it...

 I actually read that it was not destroyed by ignorant vandals, but rather from simple disrepair from lack of funding. A few roof leaks and you can kiss your scrolls goodbye.