MONDAY #1890

I would appreciate it if you read this...

It’s been an interesting week.

Last Sunday I developed a bone jarring, hacking, gagging, quality of life denying cough that wouldn’t go away, so I went to the doctor for some killer codeine-laden cough syrup and some respiratory meds who’s major contribution from all I’ve been able to discern was to shut down my bowel activity.

I was literally coughing every five minutes…so much that it left me weak from the lack of sleep. I was seriously sleeping at 20 second increments.

This went on until Thursday evening when I had closed up my studio for the night, turned off all the light and….tripped over my black dog who was laying in….IN! the doorway and broke my fucking hip. I knew it instantly.

In all my years I’ve never been in an ambulance…but I have now.

So not once but dozens of times, I got to use my favorite line. When anyone asked me if I was allergic to anything, I would reply: Penicillin and gravity.

Imagine a disorder where just laughing causing excruiating pain....now imagine the same disorder while coping with that cough I I told you about. That, Gentle Reader, is why they invented pain killers that potent that a person has difficulty knowing the difference between a memory or part of a weird-ass dream.

X-ray was BY FAR the most painful thing I have ever experienced, then it got late and they just doped me up for the next day’s schedule. But at least I could catch up on my sleep...right?

Not so fast. This is a picture of my feet. Those red things are just hospital socks, but the white wrap looking things are minature blood-pressure cups that are called slappers. They are used to make sure too much blood won't gather in your lefts during a nights sleep??????? and when they fire ouf a plate facing the sole snaps out thus "slapping" the food. Then it pressurizes and depressurizes, then immediately slaps with another pressurization.

That's when I learned that you really don't have to take it. I told all the nurse that they could take them off or that I would do it myself. I explained being very, very sleepy and it would be impossible for me to sleep with that going on...plus I understand the need for the device for long term care...but not 24 hours of not moving....otherwise I would have been deen years ago.

I found out that there is at least one advantage to being the laziest man in the world. When the x-rays were read, the doctor told me I had broke it and that there are two option. He asked, “Are you an active man?”

I asked, “Define active.”

 “Do you play sports, run, sky-dive (my wife laughed out loud at that) dance competitively…”

I laughed at that last one, and said, “No, I am about the fartherest thing from an active man you are likely to find.”

He said, “Good!” then clapped his hands together and added, “We’ll be out of here in no time. You see we have to options. One was is a complete hip replacement, but in your case we can just go for replacing just the ball part of the ball and socket.”

So surgery was scheduled for Friday evening. Upon awakening on Saturday they had me up in a walker. The area was really traumatized from the fall and the surgery, so it still hurt like shit, but the bone and replacement ball didn’t have any sensitivity. I put full weight on it 12 hours after surgery. And now the doctor let me come home at 10am, just enough time to get a good nap in before the big game.

With all that said, you might want to prepare yourself for some very abbreviated Folio Olio posts for a while.

Found this on my back porch from my bar...

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Atlanta...

I found a cent just like that one time.....

Looked it up and it was worth about fifty cents.

An ancient book that opens six ways...

Couple doesn't notice bear...

More architectural porn...

Sometimes words just not enough...

Now read this carefully...

So now we have the T-word.
No, that was a joke but this is not: activists want "retard" stripped from the language and replace with........you guessed it...the R-word.
So let's take this to it logical conclusion. We have so many words disignated to "-word" stutus that we run out of letters. What do we do then? Do we begin with the "Ni-word"?
It's all just so silly, if it didn't lead to real stuff that harms reals people.

Have I ever introduced you to my wife's family?

 An image that will live forever on the internet...

 Well, I guess we know what her producer's couch skill was...

Good ole Ceasar getting his arm chewed off...

 ...so he kicks the shit out of the dog....but it was a whispering kick.

Speaking of...

My city is trying to pass a law to impose special licences on pit but owners. I am agin' in.

Ever wonder how they get bull semen these days?

OOMVO...

OOMVO...

 And even in this day and time it's not all that rare...

This mouthpiece MAKES oxygen...

You will never be this cool...

 I know it's backwards.

Speaking of the "War on Drugs", these things are completely totally regulated, when means, of course, they are the most abused...

It does concern me that most Americans think that if there is one sad part of your life, then it must be treated with a drug...

Anytime I find myself bored, I try to imagine the sounds people around me make during climax...

These are called "caps" and I bet there are a whole lot of young viewers who have no idea what they are for...

When you really, really got someone you want dead...

Speaking of...

AND THEN THERE'S THIS...
I bet on the underdog again...had Baltimore last year, but I was also force to take Denver a few times, which means I more or less broke even.
The game was just an embarrassment. Here's some funnies from the internet...

Two things led me to believe that Seattle would win.
1. Defences win championships and Seattle has the best.
2. Denver is the No.1 turnover champion...which ain't good.