FOLIO OLIO: MONDAY #1913

This is my wife (aka Auntie Perfect) at yet another fundraiser on Saturday...

This is the longest I've ever seen her hair (at least for decades). She is letting it grow in preparation for having her head shaved for yet ANOTHER fund raiser.
There is no way for me to adequately express how much I love and respect that woman.
(True story...I teared up a little writing that last sentence)

I want to start a Precedents Day, but it's tough because there's never been one before.

This just isn't right, y'all...

Would a qualified white person please explain this to me...

I'd like my headstone engraved in Bud Light font.

I think that would solve most of everyone's problems.

This motherfucker may have cracked his fucking skull...

CURLING!!!!

Abby, is this possible?

It's pretty gutsy that you call yourself a salad, potato salad.

Well, that just seems to be just a little too easy...

Remember, the swordfish does the same thing.

One way to know if someone is lying to you is if their facial mole is in a different place every time you see them.

Oh look, part of my new cane...

What is the point of owning a fish? They are just furniture with the ability to die.

Brilliant digital ad in Stockholm....

All of you may know this device exists already, but I didn't...

OOMVO...

It was a very productive day today, turd-wise.

What if Rob Lowe robbed Lowes? Just imagine the headline: "Rob Lowe Robs Lowes"

I have found that telling someone or several someones about really embarrassing things that you can't forget helps you to forget.
Most of the time, when we "confess" the reaction is, "Shit, man, we've all done that."
Try it. I mean it.
Then forget about it.

"We have HBO" - apparently still a bragging point in the motel industry.

On a kind of related note, South Carolina (arguably the most backward, stupid state in the union) is discussing legislation to legalize the growing of hemp.
If you don't know about the outlawing of hemp, you might want to do a little research.

Back in my day, you didn't even know who was calling you when your phone rang. Shit was scary.

Most people would’ve found that hard to jack off to.

I own one hand-knitted sweater...I wish I had more...

What a magnificent skill to have. I hold these people in high regard.

Planning a beach trip with extended family this summer. I am thrilled....truly...

Watching young children frolic on the beach is my very favoritest thing to do in the whole world.

Baby naming books that ought to be...

Strangers with easy-to-pronounce names were judged as being more trustworthy and safer than strangers with difficult-to-pronounce names.

Having sex with dead people sure is weird, but shouldn’t be illegal....I mean, talk about your victimless crime.

I have urinated on myself…recently.

Future Walmart goddesses......in training…

I’ve never prostituted myself for a cheeseburger.

At least I have that going for me...which is nice.

What a way to promote nuclear medicine.

It makes me sad to see young, beautiful young women at my bar and every time they are drunk and accepting drinks from strangers that they will, most likely, fuck that night.

This guy does this with every kind of stone and rope you can image. I like it...

You won’t "find" happiness…you MAKE happiness.

????

I'm afraid that if I stop drinking all at once, the cumulative hangover will literally kill me.

Of all the things I hold in high regard, rules

are not one of them.

(my credo...truly)

Shit is about to get ugly, folks...

I saw a chart about who is and who is not the bad guy. It listed countries invaded, countries bombed, number of innocents killed, etc. In every instance, Putin was zero. US was in the thousands...yet this guy is always portrayed as the villain.
(Okay, with the latest developments he HAS invaded ONE country)

My wife's reaction when I ask her to use her finger during a blowjob.

Seriously, I knew my future wife was a keeper when on our first intimate evening she put on knee pads.
I mean it! She has a rule...she always wants to blow it before I stick it in...like a Nintendo cartridge.