TUESDAY #1921

Senator Joe Manchin delivered a grandstanding, technologically clueless, facepalm-inducing request to the Treasury Department to ban Bitcoin. In response, Rep Jared Polis wrote a mock-serious request for dollar bills to be removed from circulation, pointing out that practically every objection that Manchin raised over Bitcoin applies equally well to paper money.

A reboot of Cosmos, starring Neil deGrasse Tyson, premiered last night to some phenomenal reviews.

I fucking loved it...although I didn't learn very much...except this...
Prior to that premiere I watch dozens of the old Cosmos with Carl Sagen. Last night, Neil Tyson told the story of when he was a teenager, Sagen invited him to visit his lab and spend the night with him. Sagen gave Tyson a signed copy of his book stating confidence that Tyson would be a great scientist.
Yeah...wow.

You think the wires stopped its progress?

“The Super Chief claimed to be “The Train of the Stars” because of the many celebrities it carried between Chicago and Los Angeles. On this day it lost brakes at Los Angeles’ Union Passenger Terminal (LAUPT) crashed through a bumper post and a concrete wall and came to rest above Aliso Street. No injuries, but the engineer loses his job over the incident.”

Is Mona Lisa single?

Growing up, my best friend had a really hot sister. One time I slept over at his house and went to the bathroom and put her retainer in my mouth...and got an instant erection.

I have more or less given up posting misspelled words...there are so many...but this is a gem...

When killing them with kindness doesn't work out, boy, do I have some options for you.

When four-man bobsled took real nerves...

All I can say is, they must have had some really good drugs back then.

MEMORY IMPAIRMENT: The free prize at the bottom of the vodka bottle.

Burls are coveted by people with woodworking skills for their intricate grain patterns. "Burl poaching" now threatens redwood trees up and down the west coast.

Most of you regularly eat food made by people who would get paid less but it’s against the law. This people are pissed. They hate you and your clothes, jewelry, cars they can’t afford. If you think these people have not jacked off in the tea urn, you are sadly mistaken. Have a nice day.

Artist photographs young men changing clothes with their grandfather...

My first standardized test in school was in the 5th grade. The teacher told us not to worry so much because wrong answers would not count against us.
Well, I thought about that and with two or three minutes to go, I simply marked all my unanswered questions with C...knowing even at that young age that I was almost guaranteed to get 25% correct.
My question is, why isn't this TAUGHT as a test strategy?

(Did you know you can opt for your kids' non-participation in pedagogically suspect, meaningless, destructive high-stakes testing?)

And I don't really know what this means to testing...

I'm having a little fun with my cane and limp. People whom I haven't seen in a while always ask me what happened and I say rather dramatically, "Old football injury. Clemson/Carolina game, 1975. I was so drunk I fell down the stairs in the upper deck. Almost killed myself."

OOMVO...

I used to chase skirts all over Europe...then I got to Scotland.

Was told by two people who witnessed the event, that a woman got so drunk that she was dancing on the table, fell off, broke her hip and kept dancing. Upon hearing the story, a third party asked me if that was possible and I had to qualify my answer.
I can only assume that there isn't just a broken hip and an unbroken hip...there must be bad breaks and not so bad breaks and that this woman had a milder break than me, cause I couldn't even roll over much less DANCE.

 It's called mass hysteria and it is a well-known phenomena....look it up...I did.
But what it is not, is the creator of the universe taking time out of his busy schedule to come down here and fuck with high school dropouts somewhere in Alabama.

A perfect example of winning and losing the genetic lotto.

As most of you know, mankind used to think the sun rotated around the Earth. A remnant of this thinking can still be found in the phrases "rising" and "setting" of the sun.

Awesome video selfie of the F-16 pilot firing a Sidewinder missile.

I used to maintain the 50 year-old Sidewinder...talk about getting it right the first time! The Sidewinder was designed by a lowly Ensign in his spare time and was damn near perfect right off the drawing board.

Why are we still producing pennies if we lose money when we make them?
My bother-in-law was a business man and even as early as the late '70's he knew not to have hired help count the pennies in the till at night...it cost more in hourly wage than it was worth.

Something that only Americans do. 

I always thought alligators were the king of the swamp, but within a week I've posted the motherfuckers eaten by first a python, now an OTTER.....go fucking figure...

If those internet dating sites are so successful, why do they offer a lifetime membership?

Hubble and Chandra telescopes have captured an image of a galaxy being destroyed, torn apart by invisible cosmic forces 200 million light-years from us, in the constellation Triangulum Australe. Honestly, my brain just can't comprehend the scale of this event. 

So it's come to this...

 That's real, my friends. It even comes in a tape that can be used on the spur of the moment.

Sometimes I tell people I'm wearing a thong just to see the look on their face.

 Is that money feeding into the camera?.....why?

Doesn't this seem just a little....awkward?

I have posted pictures of meals. But it was when I ate bull balls and another time when my buddy ate pig cheeks...otherwise, give it up...

Two things I know for certain:
1. Bert and Ernie are gay.
2. I will not die a virgin.

When toilet training my daughter, I would give her an M&M every time she peed in her potty. Then every time she wanted an M&M she would just drop her pants and pee no matter where we were.
Behaviorism gone bad, very bad...so bad it embarrassed Pavlov.

Really?

 I've seen some really good men married to complete assholes.....and vice versa.

So, what's the real difference between painting a picture of a face, or vase, or landscape and painting a picture of the shape of numbers? There is no difference...

The word "font" only refers to things like "bold" or "italics", and the actual style of the letters is called a "typeface".

I have no idea...

It has been found that 100% positive reviews on a website decreases customer trust.

This evening's forecast indicates a 0% chance of my wife cooking.

Ladies, be very, very careful from whom you take advice...

The same people who want you to alter every single aspect of your appearance are the ones trying to sell you something...the products to do the altering.
And men, try not to look just like everyone else...

...because when you start to look just like everyone else, you start to think like everyone else and that best describes bees, not human beings. You are better than that.

I'm not 100% effective with my communication skills. After all, I'm not an idiot whisperer.

 It was stated that the real problem is that their brakes don't work in mud. Did you know they had brakes? I didn't.

TRUE: I told my wife that I had awakened very early and just lay there until 7am. She asked me why I didn't just get up. I said, "I don't think the internet is even open that early."
(I was very proud of my quick-wittiness so early in the morning) 

Guy looks high as giraffe balls...

You know the meth was good when you want to fuck a dog and you choose a PITBULL!

Opposition to illegal immigration is not about racism or anti-multiculturalism, so stop playing that card. One should not illegally immigrate to another country and expect its citizens to just deal with it.

Location, location, location...

I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain realizes what I'm doing.

It's amazing to me how much is known about the trilobites.  Even just reading the Wikipedia summary is a lengthy endeavor.  The one above is an example of the truly remarkable ones that have been recovered in Morocco.  And assuming this one is real (there are lots of fake fossils), imagine the hours that were spent with dental tools to free it from the matrix.

Found myself standing at a gas station next to a woman driving a huge Suburban. I nodded at it and said, "I see you've exercised your climate change option."
She but looked at me quizzically...like a puppy.
(you can get by with that shit when you have gray hair and a cane)

I will never tire of famous people doing something stupid...never!

My two daughters are only 15 months apart and people would often ask if they were twins. I would say, "No, they're triplets. I just leave the ugly one at home."

Baa-ram-ewe!

I am still amazed at how much more beautiful a smiling face is. I think smiling and laughing is very, very important and I have spent much of my life doing it and causing it.

A better OOMVO...

There was a 4 car wreck today in Mexico...93 people died.

When we were dating, I sneaked a peek at my wife's address book and next to my name was written: "Free Food."

This is a map of which industry owns your state government...

Yet another cane gag: When something happens that I don't like, I say, "I didn't lose a leg in Vietnam to put up with    (fill in the blank)  ."
They always say something like, "You lost a leg in Vietnam?!"
And I say, "No, you idiot. I JUST told you I DIDN'T LOSE A LEG IN VIETNAM! Pay fucking attention, will you."

Terrorists don’t use cell phones or emails anymore. As Bin Laden proved, they use hand delivered messages.