MONDAY #1948

I've named my new cane "Best Supporting Actor for Breaking Bad."

I wish them the very best...and I mean that. If for no other reason than for our men and women not to have died and been maimed for nothing.

THE INTERNET IS NOT VERY KIND 

TO FAT PEOPLE

Wouldn't you like to know this man's decision-making process....

(I think that was very funny)

Had a deputy sheriff spend the night with me last week. We talked into the night and I learned a lot. He told me that early in his career, a veteran cop told him that soon all of his friends would be in law enforcement. He, being young, didn't believe it, but it became true.
The reason is that they spend all day around the dregs of society and, among other things, only people in their perdicument would understand their humor. Law inforcement professionals have a sense of humor that made even me blush. One example: Most people could find nothing humorous in child rape....but my friend made a joke about it.

I find retards funny. Not the people; the word...

Changing the name of your...."illness" does nothing. As soon as we all switched to the term "Special", it took about a week for kids to start kidding one another by calling them special. I find that hilarious.
My school district decided to get rid of the grades A, B, C, D and F, and replace it with 1, 2, 3, 4. It was thought that it would get rid of the stigma of the students who never got "Straight A's". It took one grading period for young students to brag about getting all 1's, which is the exact same problem as prior to the change.

????

History is written by the victors. How very, very true...

I was talking to a woman I had never met at the bar the other day. Somehow, and I'm not sure how, within the first five minutes she admitted to me that she had a vibrator at home. I honestly didn't know how to respond to that.

If they keep killing off characters, I might actually be able to follow the plot.

Yeah, like that helps.

Well, at least he's got that going for him...

Thanks to my wife, there is stuff like this all over my yard. The gray wad atop the E in Welcome is dryer lint put out for the momma bird with a nest on my porch...

Which, of course, reminds me of a story. My wife was attending a charity function, so I entered my dark house alone. I was carrying something, so I left the back door open until I could put it down. But as soon as I sat down I here a loud, angry chirp. I assumed I had let the momma bird in the house when I left the door open, so I turned off all the lights except the porch light and left the door open, hoping the momma bird would fly to the only light visible. I sat there for over thirty minutes, with the chirp coming ever 30 seconds or so. Then my wife got home and I put my finger to my lips for silence, then whispered for her to listen. The moment she heard the chirp, she jumped up and said, "The batteries are low in the smoke detector."
It should be explained that I only hear out of one ear, resulting in my total inability to identify the source of a sound.

Two-legged dog gets around just fine thank you very much...

...that's true, by the way.

 This is a famous woman. Highlight below for her name...but guess first...Hint: I mentioned her in a post last week...

[ Annie Oakley ] 

OOMVO...

I will give that a C- on my humor scale.

Looks like we found the capitol of the KKK Nation...

I believe that most of the conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided completely if they had just made their towns big enough for everyone.
(give that one a moment)

Here in the South, the pollen count is so high that drug dealers make more money coverting meth back into Sudafed.

Milk man gives an extra treat on his morning rounds...

I liked 'True Detective', but the hotness of the women Woody Harrelson sleeps with still disturbs me.

I wonder if this is the Pope who buddied up with the Nazis...

I once had problems with the term "infallible" until a man explained that the Pope is infallible the same way our Supreme Court is infallible...the final arbitor.

I wouldn't go that far, but I can state openly that I have never felt inferior to anybody.

Rules....I have never met one that I didn't want to break...

He could house a family of midgets in those pants.

I'm not real sure why I hate sushi so much...but I hate the whole IDEA of sushi...

I never said that I was consistent. I do eat raw oysters.

You are permitted to masturbate to this picture...

Did I tell you that my wife painted my toenails black? It was kind of a bet....but that's another story.
There are a whole bunch of "Why" people. I'm more of a "Why the fuck not" kind of guy.

I sure wish I had thought of this for our road trips...

...especially the art installations.

The internet has decided that homophobia is stupid...

Years ago these same students would never have heard a view contrary to that of their parents and friends.

Get many of these in my comment box...

 I would have actually clicked on their site if they had included just one specific point in the blog. But each one has a compliment as generic as a horoscope in the daily newspaper.

85% of my time online is spent clicking "forgot password".

This is a guy transforming a town for a movie...

I did that once. Every sign is covered with a 1/4" plywood panel cut the exact size and painted to advertise a more apropriate store. Many window also have plywood painted black to cover signage on the real windows.

Another OOMVO...

I have been saying this for a long, long time...

I even posted a map of strategically placed buildings being purchased to house massive servers as close to the signal source as possible to be milli-seconds faster than the other guy.

Yes, it's painted...

Unused Soviet Moon Lander...