THURSDAY #2034

This is the guy who ran out on the soccer pitch...

 Favelas are the slums in Brazil.

Soccer in 3 seconds...

 Japan vs Ivory Coast represents the largest penis size differential in World Cup history.

 I laughed at all the players praying for victory in a soccer match...like asking god to take a little time off from supervising all those super novae to concentrate on a sporting event.

Well, we saw this coming, didn't we...

I have been most impressed with all the goalies (keepers) during this World Cup. They are, indeed, a breed apart...

Thank you, English guy...

Hobby Lobby is so offended by the idea of contributing to its employees' birth control expenses that it fought all the way to the Supreme Court over the issue. But its retirement plan has over $73M sunk into funds that include companies that make contraception.

No insurance will buy men condoms, so what’s the big deal that women can’t get their birth control paid for?

If you have a ton of fruit flies in your house, turn off all but one light source and wait 2 minutes. They will congregate there. Then, flick on a lighter and turn off the light source. The flies will burn their wings off trying to get close to the light source.

Kim-Jong Sexy Glorious Beast Divine Dick Father Lovely Iron Man Even Unique Poh Un Winn Charlie Ghora Khaos Mehan Hansa Kimmy Humbero Uno Master Over Dance Shake Bouti Bepop Rocksteady Shredder Kung Ulf Road House Gilgamesh Flap Guy Theo Arse Hole Im Yoda Funky Boy Slam Duck Chuck Jorma Jukka Pekka Ryan Super Air Ooy Rusell Salvador Alfons Molgan Akta Papa Long Nameh Ek is believed to have the world's longest name.

"Needs a little work, Harold."

Spent 30 minutes looking for the oil dipstick on my daughter’s BMW only to discover (online) that it has no dipstick…computer tells you not only whether you need oil, but the exact amount to add.

Bet you'll watch this twice...

I got a thing for lightning.

Can a person simultaneously become a zombie and a ghost?

Approaching the Columbia River for a cargo of wheat, The Glenesslin was sighted under full sail on a calm sea and in perfect visibility, standing in dangerously close to the Oregon coast. With no apparent effort to change course, the vessel crashed head-on into the rocks at the base of 1,600-foot-high Mt. Neah-Kah-Nie. A line was taken from the ship by people on shore and all hands left the ship safely, but none of them seemed able to satisfactorily explain the event.

Have you ever accidentally taken ecstasy?

It's only a matter of time...

If men could get pregnant, birth control would be available in gumball machines and bacon flavored.

One Of My Very Own...

Dogs consistently display the best traits of humanity.

It must be awkward to arrive late to an orgy that started without you. I guess I would just tiptoe around looking for an unoccupied orifice.

This happened to me one time...

A Corvette passed me just like that, then moments later, five cop cars. At the next exit three of the cop cars were pulled off the shoulder with guns drawn toward the forest. Come to find out the Corvette driver took the exit, then abandoned his car and headed into the woods on foot. Of course he was apprehended.

I always try to arrive…practically early.

Very, very powerful PSA....

There is no excuse. A man inflicting pain on a spouse is wrong and there is no way you can explain it rationally.

There are two types of people in this world. Those that can extrapolate to find missing information.

Women, if a week goes by and your man is not completely confused or terrified by one of your actions, you’re doing it wrong.

 Is that true?

Mutant family....check out the fingers...

Humans were all made in god's image?
Define image.

Road across frozen lake...

 Road across an unfrozen lake...

Do you think caterpillars know they are going to become butterflies or do they just go to sleep and wake up and go ‘what the fuck?”

In America you hear explosions and think fireworks are here. In other countries you hear explosions and you think America is here.

(we need to rethink this whole drone warfare thing)

What the American public doesn’t know is what makes them the American public.

What Americans know about Japan...

When you travel the back roads, this is a very welcome site...sight....site....

1800's sand filled jars....no glue...

I never truly understood licking things to claim them as you own until I encountered the clitoris.

The worst thing about eating an entire plate of sausage biscuits by yourself is everything I just said.

Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult, and that’s just not something I’m ready to handle.

Now, THIS is a statement!

Can you imagine if the roles were reversed...

...and women could show their nipples, but men would be arrested for the same thing? It's all bullshit, people, made up by people we have never even met.

Now the bad news.
It's only a matter of time that one of these go off in a US city....

Then what do we do? Think about that. What exactly do we do to retaliate? Scary, that.

I’ve been married for over 20 years and my wife has never quit talking in italics.

Photography...

Should parents apologize for making ugly kids?

Chimps Prefer Music From India & Africa Over Western Genres, New Study Shows

When someone describes themselves as a "foodie" I automatically assume they shit a lot.

AND THEN THERE'S THIS...
My daughter made my mother's famous sausage biscuit...

You flatten out the biscuit dough then cover that with flattened out spicy sausage, then you roll it all up and slice. We ate every damn one of them in one setting.