NEWSY BITS...
I’ve laid an important bet. I bet real money that Scotland will
be voted independence. So, come on you members of the UK, do your part....I need the money.
Yeah, I know all about Scotland. I've watched the movie twice.
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Oh, really? Everybody on the face of the earth who wants to know can find out EXACTLY how to become a citizen of the United States. Do we have rules? Yes. Just like every other nation on the planet.
I don't want to sound.....callous, but I think we ought to give priority to anyone with an advanced degree, then college graduates, then AT LEAST high school graduates.
I know I am against of ANY immigrant receiving any government aid for...oh...EVER.
My wife will like this addition...
That's what the girl on the phone says every time we place an order no matter what we order. Every. Single. Time.
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I don't want to sound.....callous, but I think we ought to give priority to anyone with an advanced degree, then college graduates, then AT LEAST high school graduates.
I know I am against of ANY immigrant receiving any government aid for...oh...EVER.
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I admire their effort, but it did, in fact, lock Safari and I had to shut down my computer before it would come back up.
The people who do such things should be given long prison sentences.
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NFL NEWS....
Got my new Ray Rice jersey...
This is Nick Olivas when he was 14 he had sex with a 20 year old
woman. Now 10 years later she has tracked him down and is demanding he pay
$15,000 in child support plus a share of birthing costs and 10% interest. The
problem is at 14 he can't legally consent to sex and at 20 she was an adult,
this is called statutory rape and is illegal. The State of AZ is still pressing
for him to pay the money because he never pressed charges. Something 14 year old Nick had no idea he even
could do or how to go about it. The problem here is if the genders were
reversed everyone would be calling for him to end up in jail instead he is
being forced to pay child support.
(Kafka would have loved that story)
If the song changes during sex, I end up with a couple of stutter pumps until I find the beat again.
This guy has a Youtube that will blow your socks off...
I used to tell my children that the 12 pack of beer would go bad is I didn't drink it all in one day.
With one drunken impulse, this guy will be famous for years...
My wife’s dance style ranges from white drunk mom at a
barbecue to stripper whose rent is due tomorrow.
Tramp Stamp...
Tramp.........stamp.
Bacon is my favorite number in the alphabet.
For my friend, Joey...
It just occurred to me that Bill Gates could feel like a
million buck millions of time.
Photography...
Just think, Insomniacs, only 12 more sleeps til Christmas.
I have a thing for clocks...
EXCELLENT ADVICE FOR YOU YOUNG MEN:
Do not pull out the anal beads like you are starting a lawn mower.
That reminds me of the first time I....
...well, you know exactly what that reminds me of.
Nuclear annihilation and humor....
...what a wonderful combination.
You can't make this shit up...
Prowling?
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
Oh, my...
I think all gay marriages should start with "Queerly beloved..."
Well, shit.
Fucking Russians.
I'm pretty weird for a normal person, but I act pretty normal for a weirdo.
I'm pretty weird for a normal person, but I act pretty normal for a weirdo.
Those were from this book...
He's the guy that creates these marvels...
For most of us, the first time we drank was also the first
time we went skinny dipping.
Preschool children with irregular bedtimes are more likely
to develop behavioral problems (such as hyperactivity, or getting into trouble
with their peers) at age 7.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAAAHAHAH!!!
The only thing I do sober is drink.
Shit like this may not give me a hard-on, but it does make me tingle a bit...
Grunting while playing tennis increased the speed and
force of players' serves and forehands.
I can tell people are judgmental just by looking at them.
One Of My Very Own...
Where did pro football players go to college, you ask?
I was walking through my backyard yesterday and got caught up in a huge spider web. Five minutes after I got inside the police showed up. It seems three of my neighbors had called them to report a little girl screaming.
This man stated that this was (quote) “An impulse buy”….
"I "heart" NY." You can't make shit like that up.
Two minutes before it all stopped....2 fucking minutes.
But back in 1963, a resident of Nevşehir Province of Turkey
found a secret room behind one of his walls. Derinkuyu is not the largest nor
oldest underground city. But at 18 stories, it is the deepest.
Amazing. Simply amazing.
Found a No-GMO sticker on my corn at the grocery store and smiled, knowing corn has been genetically modified over hundreds of years to become the edible version we know today.
Found a No-GMO sticker on my corn at the grocery store and smiled, knowing corn has been genetically modified over hundreds of years to become the edible version we know today.
Want to know how I know cell phone use can't bring down a plane? Because no terrorist has actually done it.
This is old, but it still amuses me...
(I almost called the number just to see if it was legit but quite simply I have been losing so much money on my football bets, I can't afford it)
An artistically-presented salad was rated as more
flavorful than the same salad arranged in a normal way, with customers willing
to pay twice as much for the art-inspired salad.
Precisely.
Vegans have the exact opposite rules of Fight Club.
ARTY THINGS...
Always walk slowly on a college campus, everyone will love it.
Just a pile of junk?
Think again...
Gradients, Dan Tobin Smith.
I knew a dog that would retrieve thrown rocks from the bottom of a lake. If he couldn't find the right one, he would keep diving until he did...
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
Sorry, I'm still laughing over that tie knot thing from earlier. You call yourself a man and you actually do shit like that......DAILY!?
3 comments:
If you win your Scotland bet, do you think northern Ireland will follow? "The troubles" as they called them when I was there, are not done. Perhaps it would be the catalyst needed to initiate Irish independence as well.
I see your source credit thing at the bottom of the page again. Who the fuck cares where you get your stuff from. It's from the internet can't people just enjoy your blog. I think it's bullshit you need to do that. I don't care where you get it from I am amazed, educated, entertained and yeah once in awhile offended. That's just life. Keep up the good work and fuck those assholes.
I kind of agree with you about the credit thing. I've stated often that I don't care a whit if someone forwards something of mine. I would actually be rather proud of that.
But my decision to add that came from a plea from one of my favorite sites to do so. They are in it for the money and they didn't believe they had enough viewers to justify their time. Therefore were thinking of shutting down the site. All they asked is to use their stuff whenever we want, but to please give them a site shout out. I thought it was a legitimate request.
I do put it at the very bottom so you don't have to deal with it if you don't want to.
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