THURSDAY #2167

There is a great debate happening in my hometown concerning prayers before high school football games. Here is my latest letter to the editor:

If someone told you that you were less likely to die in a plane crash if you were wearing a blue shirt, how would you respond? Would you accept it without question, or would you laugh at the silly man and/or contact local mental health officials?

Well, we are told that prayer helps believers survive all sorts of things. What do you think would be the result of a study to find out if there were more injuries to young players at football games where there were no prayers, compared to games with prayer? Or how about finding out if a greater percentage of citizens of more atheist (non-praying) countries (Sweden) were afflicted by cancer than a very religious (praying) country (Spain)? How about the death rate of praying people vs. non-praying people in a tornado’s path?  Or whether prayed for churches are destroyed in earthquakes less often than, say, houses of ill repute or gay bars, which one can assume few people pray for?

So let’s let this prayer debate abate until it can be proven effective, otherwise it’s just wishing by another name.

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The lander is on the comet. I'm about to pee in my pants for information, and what to I get from cable news? Two guys whose window cleaning platform malfunctioned!!1
I weep for the future.

If I install antivirus, will my computer get autism?

Can you explain this?

The tree blocks the sprinkler. 

Why do only bald people get cancer?

$100K life-size T-Rex skeleton is 40' long from nose to tail, is composed of 190 bones, is billed as "museum grade" and comes with an assembly crew that will stage it in any "anatomically possible" pose. His name is Stan.
I would want two..........and pose them fornicating.

Up close nobody is perfect...

...so can we all just get over it.

My, oh, my...

California is going through one of their worst droughts ever and I’m sitting here in South Carolina drinking bottled water from California.

"Hi, my name is Paul."

Have you noticed that UFO sightings seem to have stopped since the creation of high quality phone cameras?

Very subtle advertisement...

 Here's a hint...

Worth a repost for newer viewers...

After almost 70 years on the Earth I’ve finally reach one of life pinnacle events: The number of underwear I own are now more than the days in my wash cycle.

Trying to cram 4 hours of art making into 1 because I have the time management skills of a sea slug.

 HAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAHHAA!

Three reasons I support gay rights:

-       less competition for me

-       lesbian porn is nice

-       human rights and shit

Jupiter 'shepherds' the asteroid belt, preventing the asteroids from falling into the sun or accreting into a new planet...

Bless it's heart.

I usually try to keep my frustration pent up inside where it can fester quietly into a full-blown mental illness.

What would you have done....

A New Jersey businessman ordered a bottle of Screaming Eagle Oakville wine and was told it cost "thirty-seven fifty", and wound up learning a valuable lesson in sales when he found out that the actual cost was $3,750.

And here he is being presented with the bill...

I would NEVER have paid for it. Thirty-seven fifty is WAAAAAY too vague to warrant any obligation from me.

People who just want to see you smile...

You miss 100% of the naps you don’t take.

I feel compelled to re-tell a story for my new viewers...

In the 60's women used a lot of hairspray. Once a friend's wife ran out of hairspray before an afternoon outdoor affair, so she melted sugar, put it in a mister and held her hair in place. At the event it was hot, the sugar got sticky and when she met up with her husband later, her head was covered in every kind of flying insect you can think of.

That image just reminded me.

There are always two ways to look at things...

I haven’t shut down my computer in 3 ½ years.

Water's behavior in space...

That's a camera they left suspended in the water for a while. The images were exactly what you would expect.

 Florida, you came so close.

9 year-old spanish boy becomes young wildlife photographer of the year...

 Here's the award winning photo he took...

I really like photograph...

Because I was trained an elitist fine art painter, I once argued that photography was not a true art form. Now I believe that a camera is just another art tool, like a brush or a potter's wheel.

Cameras, even relatively inexpensive ones, have gotten so great...

 I have seen dozens of images like the one above.

Scientists put a camera on a toy car platform to photo penguins up close. It was quickly attacked.

So they made a larger one with the wheels hidden and one male came over and made advances. The male's mate then ran over and attacked her "rival". (there's a Youtube of it if you want to watch)

Now with the combination of camera and computer...

 ...almost anything is possible.

Yes, dear. Yes it is.

Afghan children study at an open area on the outskirts of Jalalabad, Afghanistan, province.

Think about all those eager minds in control of an IPad.

I am a little disappointed that just about every young American has access to the total amount of human knowledge and with such power they mostly look at clips of cute kittens and photos of their friends taken in bathrooms mirrors.

This woman was arrested in Ocala, Florida, on Saturday after police found marijuana and prescription drugs in her car.

Weed and pills....wow. I would have never guessed she liked being...altered.

Don’t get stabbed. Good advice no matter where you live.

One Of My Very Own...

 Real news story...

 My daughter's alternative headline: "Quadruple amputee is armed and on the run."

I think poker players who wear hats and sunglasses to hide their tells are the equivalent of athletes using performance enhancing drugs.

The Zap Self Defense Cane is an adjustable walking cane offered by collectible weapon seller BUDK that features a one-million volt stun gun on its base and a flashlight in its handle.

Words are nice...

I also ran across the word "Perhappiness", which means just what it says. 

Saw a photo essay of chocolate in movies...

 And spotted my old friend, Bill, in the middle.

Guy asked me for tips in growing a beard that reaches the level of gender neutral arousal.

I slapped him.

 Because of the ventilation system, sneezes on planes are much more dangerous.

 This is the way they leave...

And this is the way they return...

“Honey, we could keep yelling at one another, but one of us has to be the mature one…and you know it ain’t gonna be me!"

Forget the plants, look at that beautiful wall built by a master.

He plays water polo. (true)

On the internet, when the words “fun fact” are used, the only one having fun is the jerk trying to make you look like an idiot by repeating them.