About Me

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I'm an artist, educator, militant anti-theist , and I write. I gamble on just about anything. And I like beer...but I love my wife. This blog contains observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while.

Monday, September 3, 2018

MONDAY #3537

One Of My Very Own
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EMAIL: ralph.henry.at.folio.olio@gmail.com

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Send your $2 today to:

BUY RALPH A MONDAY BEER

Dano's Pizza

3008 Rosewood Drive
Columbia, SC 29205

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Yeah, something like that will make the highlight reel every time.
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Nice

A lot went down at that funeral.
Most infuriating was this prick.
The old reach-around side boob on international TV.
It was a disgusting display on every level.

I wouldn't trust that prick around any of my children...or wife.

This guy's ogling was almost as bad.

Then there's is this gesture...
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I once owned a bar in Myrtle Beach, SC and like most seasonal bars, mine was open from Memorial Day until season's end on Labor Day. Every Labor Day I remember the joy I felt being about to return to graduate school and leave the drunks behind.
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Today at my haunt bar, I was working on Folio Olio as usual when I hear some drunk woman ask me a question. I didn't so much hear the question as I recognized the change in pitch at the end of her question. After she repeated herself I turned and explained that I didn't hear very well. Then she said, (I swear) "Mind if I read over your shoulder?" I shrugged and continued the preparation of my blog. Within seconds I wrote a comment under an image that read something like "Yeah, well, I'm out of here." Then this drunk woman asserted "It should have read, 'It's not my job'." 
Now, you people who know me well can imagine the four or five million destructive comebacks going through my mind, but my glare did the trick. She retreated to her stool and I continued unmolested.
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Have a great day, Gentle Reader. And I mean that with all my heart.
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PEOPLE NOT LIKE YOU AND ME

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This was a survival skill from the dawn of humanity. And it hasn't changed much since then.
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The guy in red's reaction.
"Okay, then, I'm out of here."
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Is it too much to ask for one of them to do that naked...just once?
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This is Cliff Keith Hillegass.
He invented Cliff Notes and saved many an education.
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Holy fucking shit. Who does that?
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I would immediately organize and over and under on the number of years before she regrets that.
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He's probably a member of the Que, Que, Que.
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My wife is out of town, so I have successfully eaten hot dogs for the last four meals which all happened before noon.

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DISCUSSABLE UTTERIFICATIONS

I knew a girl whose parents lived in a house just like this in Birmingham, Alabama of all places.
They simply could not control the mildew due to the moisture oozing from the walls and ceiling.
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I've been asked why I removed my Pastafarian fact from my blog bio. The truth is I don't remember removing it and now I can't remember how to put it back.
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In America, there is an overwhelming loathing of poor people...in my opinion.
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I think "got caught" is the key phrase here.
The chances are very, very high that both his parents smoked or smoke dope and watch porn.
It would scare me to death if my children didn't do shit like that.
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It is call misinformation and Trump is a master of it.
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A very few pedophile troop leaders almost brought down the Boy Scouts. But the Catholic Church seems to be immune. Not from me.
Imagine using this defense when it involves children:
It sickens me.
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This sign was found in Omaha, Nebraska. There has yet to be any official explanation.
And that's the most exciting thing there is to see in Omaha, Nebraska.
As an avid practicing art installation practitioner, I know exactly what it is. 
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The miracle of potty training used to be accomplished by parents – mothers, mostly – simply telling their children what to do.


They did not ask said children if they wanted to use the potty, offer rewards, sing potty songs, play potty games, sit with their children while they got used to the idea, follow them around the house asking every three minutes if they wanted to try and use the potty, scream, weep, threaten Inquisitional beatings for wet or soiled clothing, much less consult lists of "readiness signs" pulled out of thin air. They simply told their children, "You are no longer wearing diapers. You are going to use the toilet like the rest of us. Any questions?" To that end, they provided minimal structure, scolded (sans drama) "mistakes," and voila! Within several days to a week, their kids were using the toilet reliably. I was one of those kids. My mother, as is the case with many moms of her day, did not even remember toilet training me. That's how easy-peasy it was before people with capital letters after their names began opining on the subject.
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Eating the fifth hot dog was not all that much fun, but I've given up on too many goals in the past and I not giving up on another.

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THINGS I DIDN'T KNOW YESTERDAY

Spinner dolphins living up to their name.
I think that's a mating ritual. That's how I do it anyway.
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I don't know what this is...
But I know I want one.
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Archeologists Reconstruct The Face Of A Soldier Who Died In Pompeii
I wonder why they didn't color it a little more realistically.
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Frog with eyes in its mouth as a result of macromutation.
macromutation is a mutation of large phenotypic effect; one that produces a phenotype well outside the range of variation previously existing in the population. Mutations with effects in early stages of development can have large phenotypic consequences.
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I found that hard to believe and did some research. And the best I can understand, it's more or less true.
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Speaking of mining...
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Here's a radical idea: Make destroying our planet illegal.
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Beekeepers can feed bees with pollen supplement if there is a shortage of food. 
They have used it in Australia where there has been low rainfall for a year. They had to get the bees ready for almond pollination.
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The 17th Century Bond That’s Still Paying Interest

This 370-years-old bond is still paying interest.


Sometimes a company or a government issues bonds that never mature. They are called "perpetual bond", and as the name suggests, they remain in force for as long as the issuer wishes to. This allows the bondholder to reap benefits for long periods.

While perpetual bonds sound like great long-term investment instruments, they are not. The only party that benefits from this kind of an arrangement is the bond issuer because it allows them to raise money without ever needing to pay it back since these bonds never mature. The investor gets a yearly payout according to an interest rate defined by the issuer, which can change at any time and is usually kept low enough for the company to make a profit. And once inflation is factored into the equation, the value of the yearly payout starts diminishing the longer the investor holds on to the bond.

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Dynasphere
An early competitor to a car that was too clunky and hard to control. I can just imagine.
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I'm not saying I was unpopular in high school, but my nickname was Anon.

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STUFF YOU DON'T SEE EVERY DAMN DAY

I'm thinking that is just a piece of vine being pulled along by a fishing line.
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That freaks me the fuck out.
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A guy moved into a new house and there was a semi-burnt ouija board in a fire pit out the back.
I say he locate the former owners and partially bury the board in their new backyard.
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Want to guess what this is?
The aftermath of hail through the sunroof.
Wow.
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Another "croaked true"...
Looks like a foot, doesn't it?
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Alligator with a pool noodle.
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????
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Eel Drama
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But less dramatically we experience close calls like that every day.
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Earth and Moon between Saturn's Rings
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WILL POWER 

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Loved the “fifth hot dog” line, utterly hysterical

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