About Me

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I'm an artist, educator, militant anti-theist , and I write. I gamble on just about anything. And I like beer...but I love my wife. This blog contains observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while.

Tuesday, February 12, 2019

TUESDAY #3701

One Of My Very Own
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EMAIL: ralph.henry.at.folio.olio@gmail.com
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I would like to be the first to wonder just what Donal Trump's hair is going to look like after a month or so in prison without a stylist working on that do every single day.
An artist's rendition:

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 MORE ANIMALS JUST TO PISS MY WIFE OFF

 "A kiss never tasted, is forever and ever wasted."
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Death of a single-celled organism.
 It's mitochondrial might notta could've.
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Nice recovery, Sparky.
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Well, shit...
Udderly devastating. 
He's lucky humans are around.
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Remember this brave and clever lady?
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Do you think Elvis Presley ever got over asking for his drinks to be All Shook Up?

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 THINGS TURNING TO SHIT

The old plastic bag extermination trick.
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Notice the oops?
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If you look closely you can pinpoint the exact second she realizes how her life will be until the divorce.
That ugly bastard must be monied.
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"Safety" Officers
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That should be on billboards all over the country.
If anybody had told me about these lunatics 20 years ago I would not have believed them.
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I presented this problem (in cartoon form) to my fifth graders and told them that there was a very easy solution.
All you do is let the air partially out of the rear wheels and back out. 
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Behaving much more manly than I would have.
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Best Indian Commentator Ever
You must listen to this play by play:
Make sure the sound is on.
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Back in 1956 I was riding my bike, fell off, and hurt my knee. I'm telling you this now because we didn't have social media then.

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 SHIT YOU DON'T SEE EVERY DAMN DAY

The medieval city of Maglic near Kraljevo, Serbia.
Think about hauling all that building material up the mountain. Damn!
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Tug of war: modern tractor vs. steam traction engine.
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This lift takes you above the clouds.
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 Am I the only one who wanted to see the anchor drop?
I think an army of men are going to descend on that with cutting torches and within a matter of days, it will be sold as scrap steel. The environmental problems left behind is horrendous.
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The future is now...
 
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 A black hole eating a star.
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 I'm so lazy that if it did snow down here in the South, this is how I would build a snowman.
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If you don't know the difference between "there," "their," and "they're" your an idiot.

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 PEOPLE DOING THINGS I CAN'T OR WON'T DO

This guy starts off with a rock...
 And with countless hours of scraping ends up with a sharp cleaver.
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I haven't seen this in years. Still made me smile.
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So very many questions.
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Looks like Fuckthatshitville, Alabama.
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Is this what they call a production...line?
From the look of that trail, he has made many, many trips.
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Stuck in a wheelchair his whole life, Micheal was able to start walking again. This is him 1 month after trying.
6 weeks old, Matthew was told he’d never be able to walk. Stuck in a wheelchair his whole life.  2 months ago he was told it was possible. This is him, 1 month into training, walking a full 40 yards without any support. https://mobile.twitter.com/Jayy_NA/status/1088577117141590016
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The average number of skeletons in a body is greater than one if you consider pregnant people.

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 PEOPLE MORE FAMOUS THAN I

 Lewis got out his pistols. He loaded them and at some time during the early hours of October 11 shot himself in the head. The ball only grazed his skull. He fell heavily to the floor. Mrs. Grinder heard him exclaim, "O Lord!" Lewis rose, took up his other pistol, and shot himself in his breast. The ball entered and passed down through his body, to emerge low down on his backbone. He survived the second shot, staggered to the door of his room, and called out, "O madam! Give me some water, and heal my wounds."
Lewis staggered outside, fell, crawled for some distance, raised himself by the side of a tree, then staggered back to his room. He scraped the bucket with a gourd for water, but the bucket was empty. He collapsed on his robes.
At first light, the terrified Mrs. Grinder sent her children to fetch the servants. When they got to Lewis's room, they found him "busily engaged in cutting himself from head to foot" with his razor.
Lewis saw Pernier and said to him, "I have done the business my good Servant give me some water." Pernier did.
Lewis uncovered his side and showed them the second wound. He said, "I am no coward; but I am so strong, [it is] so hard to die." He said he had tried to kill himself to deprive his enemies of the pleasure and honor of doing it. He begged the servants to take his rifle and blow out his brains, telling them not to be afraid, for he would not hurt them, and they could have all the money in his trunk. Shortly after sunrise, his great heart stopped beating. 
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 I have talked on the phone with that guy.
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The Mountain with a normal sized mug and normal sized wife.
 But all the steroids he's taken has shrunk his penis. Think about that.
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 Hahahabannanaha!
*MNBT
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I dig, you dig, we dig, he dig, she dig, they dig.
It's not a beautiful poem, but it's very deep.

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 FUN WITH LANGUAGE

Welcome to real life, kid.
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Fight the good fight!
We all have our priorities. 
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 I don't know who that is. Anyone?
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 How about Remember to clean up after yourself, Optimize your time, Act with good manners, Refer to adults for help/instruction. There, all fixed.
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Think vaccine hysteria.
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Did you read the tiny print?
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 I love making fun of the faithful.
I mean we have sent probes to the edge of the solar system and there no heaven could be found.
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Why do we act like we are unaware that this is the only planet we have?
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