SUNDAY #3720

One Of My Very Own

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ralh.henry.at.folio.olio@gmail.com

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LIFE IN THESE UNITED STATES

Back in the day, we had to walk to school in the snow uphill while being chased by a dog and all five of us children only had one shoe...and we shared it.
^^1^^

The man on his fucking phone. Are you not entertained?
^^2^^

I got a phone call one day offering me a job to run art classes in the most secure federal prison in America in Colorado. It was the same prison in which El Chapo will spend the rest of his life.

 The lady explained that I would have to do through14 metal detectors to even get inside. These detectors would even pick up the eyelets on my shoes or coin in my wallet. Further, I could not give the inmates access to anything potentially sharp including pencils, paint brushes, etc.
I turned the job down.
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Just arriving for her shift, the bartender spotted the money on the bar and asked, "Are Y'all gambling on the game?" I said, "No, we were betting on whether you would ask a stupid question. I won."
^^4^^

Americans have been taught since birth that no matter what is wrong with you there is a medicine that will make it all better.

And we gobble that shit up. 
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This Mother Moose has been returning to the same backyard to have her calves for the last six years.

 She feels safe there and will probably return every year of her life.
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Who could blame him?

But then there's this that I stumbled upon the same day...

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Wife: Don’t talk to me till I’ve had my coffee.

Waitress: …all I said was “What would you like to order.”

Wife: You’re doing it again.

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Hahahabannanaha!
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EXTRAORDINARY PEOPLE

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He's probably their uncle.
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Two of my favorite lines from the letter: 

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Usually, we only get to see the success.

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I'm betting he practices in front of a mirror.
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Try to follow this...

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Everybody does their share.

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Bill looks like the guy we all picked on in school.

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How to prepare a Giant Squid

Here's the fascinating whole video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qmuxw4iZvjU 
YouTube is doing a great service with all their tutorials, and I mean that. You can find how to do just about anything there.
^^16^^

Football coach Aaron Feis, who died shielding students during the Parkland shooting. 

I get the sentiment, but it suggests we are all going to be clothed and recognizable and walking around. When I was young I had a bunch of questions about that.

It's all just so silly.
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 Three conspiracy theorists walk in a bar. You can't tell me that's just coincidence.

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Good night, you magnificent bastard. 
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HOMEMADE WEAPONS

Desperate times require desperate measures.

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Oh, my. 
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Interviewer: Why do you think you'd make a good waiter?

Me: (says nothing)

Interviewer: Are you...waiting?

Me: *nods*

Interviewer: Holy shit.

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WONDERFUL LANGUAGE

This guy is very clever.

 Expect me posting more from him.
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The Fresh Ten Commandments

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Makes sure you read all of this.

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If you go to Ikea without your significant other, the store will provide you someone to fight with, free of charge.

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OBJECTS THAT MERIT SHARING

That's what restaurant reservations look like on Valentine's day.
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The Pale Blue Dot Celebrates Its 29th Anniversary

February 14, 1990, at the urging of Carl Sagan, Voyager 1 did something for which it had never been designed: it turned around and imaged the planets of the Solar System, one at a time, and transmitted that data back to Earth. From such a great distance — 6 billion kilometers, or 3.7 billion miles — it created a one-of-a-kind family portrait of our home that had never been seen before. You see Earth in the above image a little more than halfway up the light band.
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 Can you 3D print those?
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I would have set up a permanent viewing station with tinted eyepieces similar to this... 

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My little heaters have a little switch on the bottom so that if toppled it shuts itself off. Trucks need little switches that turn the truck off when an appendage is askew. 
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Foot Wash Off Guy on aisle 6.

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Not in Kansas Anymore

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Women Who Look Like Sluts But Probably Aren't
Now, this is a tramp stamp!

I'm not much for violence of any blush.

^^40^^

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 Try not to be stupid. It's living that is hard; dying is easy.

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This is called Metzitzah b'peh. That man is putting the freshly sliced genitals of a baby into his mouth.

This is a legal thing to do. It is, in fact, insane.

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 That smile afterward.

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