SATURDAY #4069

One Of My Very Own

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EMAIL: 

ralh.henry.at.folio.olio@gmail.com

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Sorry, these Valentine's Day bits are late...I forgot.

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After 210 days! I'm very happy for our friends Down Under!
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FUN WITH LANGUAGE

  
I don't have a dog anymore but I have a Beware of Dog sign.


And within view of that gate have a huge dog house I built 30 years ago.

The combination should give an intruder pause.
I also have a chain and lock...

But it's fake. I just loop that end over the hooked wire on the right.


I have a lot of fakery around my house. Here are a hasp and lock screwed to the door.

 But when the door is closed it looks like it's locked.

 ^^A1^^

  ^^A2^^

 
^^A3^^

I need one of you fine people to explain that to me.   
^^A4^^

   ^^A5^^

   ^^A6^^

The internet has ruined me.

   ^^A7^^

   ^^A8^^

I just bet you can.   
^^A9^^

   ????
^^A10^^

   ^^A11^^

   ^^A12^^

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   ^^A14^^

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  ^^A16^^

Speaking of spitting in your hands...

  ^^A17^^

A TV reporter who uttered a racial slur on air says she "combined the names of the Knicks and the Lakers"

  ^^A18^^

All things Ralph...

^^A19^^

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My brother has been remodeling his guest bathroom for over a year. The door has been off for almost as long.

And that's how you keep people from visiting your house.

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OBJECTS OF NOTE

 It took me much longer than it should to figure the last panel out.

^^B1^^

The old double-tap

And then he just drives off. I'm assuming he has outstanding warrants or a trunk full of drugs.  
^^B2^^

Legendary whiskey distiller Jack Daniel actually died in 1911 from kicking his safe after forgetting the combination. He injured his big toe, which got infected and eventually led to foot amputation. However, It was too late, the infection spread, and he eventually died from complications.
  ^^B3^^

I used to balance coins all the time but I no longer have the patience.   
^^B4^^

"I'm not a church-going person but Dear Lord please don't let this become a fashion trend!"

At least it has pockets. I like it just because it's different.
^^B5^^

   ^^B6^^

How would you calculate the size of the man's dick who drives that thing?  
^^B7^^

China no like international copyright laws.  
^^B8^^

  Janus?
^^B9^^

 Introduced circa 1962 by Lyman Metal Products, the Turnpike Toll Gun allowed drivers to shoot quarters and nickels into toll baskets. I imagine that, nowadays, whipping one of these things out at a toll booth could get you in trouble. But it's still possible to pick one up on eBay if you gotta have one.

   ^^B10^^

Anonymous coworker turns an office hallway into a high-end art gallery.

  ^^B11^^

They spent three days repaving large splotches of my street three months ago. The patches are already developing potholes...lots of them. My neighbor made this.

  ^^B12^^

 ^^B13^^

How da do dat?
^^B14^^

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 [the guy who's about to invent parties]

*drinking alone* I wish this was worse.

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HUMAN BEHAVIOR

Tarot cards, horoscopes, talking snakes...is there no limit on the bullshit we will believe?
^^C1^^

I can't make out the message on the left but I assume it is similar.   
^^C2^^

Can you deduce what's going on here?

They are playing poker and wagering surgical masks.   
^^C3^^

   ^^C4^^

   ^^C5^^

[verification needed]   
^^C6^^

   ^^C7^^

Pole Sitter Breaks Own Guinness Record With 67 Days In A Barrel

Vernon Kruger had set the Guinness World Record in 1997 when he spent 67 days living in a barrel at the top of a pole. Just this week, Kruger surpassed his own record atop an 80-foot pole in Dullstroom.
"I have broken my own record now - 22 years ago I broke it, it was a British record, of 54 days. I took it to 67 [days] and this time I'm going to try to push it to about 80."

He said it was "not too lonely" adding that: "This time we have social media so I feel more connected.
  ^^C8^^

A guy told the apprentice that he needed help getting rid of a dead body before work and the apprentice didn't even question it.

SOURCE: CLICK HERE 
So very nonchalant.  
^^C9^^

  I personally doctored the B in Batman.
^^C10^^

   
^^C11^^

At least she doesn't talk back much.  
^^C12^^

I hate shit like this.

It has been done to death. Can any of you think up your own gags anymore?   
^^C13^^

  
^^C14^^

^^C15^^

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"Did you just elect a pope in there?" he asked as the vape cloud billowed from her car window.

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S.T.E.M. MATTERS

Are We Getting Closer To Pilotless Jets?

 I’m not surprised since pilotless commercial jet flights have been talked about for years. Unfortunately, there’s been little decisive evidence that suggests that autonomous flying is possible, until now.
Airbus has confirmed one of its test aircraft took off automatically at Toulouse-Blagnac airport in France last December.
The European aerospace company conducted a series of successful tests on autopilot last month, with two pilots on standby.
According to Airbus, the A350-1000 achieved eight automatic takeoffs over a period of four and a half hours.

 SOURCE: CLICK HERE
  ^^D1^^

How To Survive A Plane Crash

We think of plane crashes as long drops from high altitudes that leave no survivors. But plane crashes, as rare as they are, happen in all kinds of ways, and many are survivable. In fact, 95% of those involved in plane accidents survive. So you may as well learn what to do in that situation instead of assuming you're a goner. 
SOURCE: CLICK HERE
  ^^D2^^

Leading libertarian intellectuals are now disavowing the label (Tyler Cowan says he's now a "State Capacity Libertarian") thanks to the total failure of libertarianism to cope with climate change. 
SOURCE: CLICK HERE
  ^^D3^^

A Harvard Team Has Finally Solved The Mystery Of How Stress Turns Hair Gray

 The idea of stress turning hair gray is often called the Marie Antoinette syndrome, which is a reference to the often-told, but the most likely apocryphal, story of the ill-fated French queen’s hair, which is said to have turned white overnight after she was captured during the revolution.
While the idea of one’s hair turning white in an instant after a sudden fright is an amusing cartoonish fiction, there is a solid body of anecdotal evidence describing instances where hair rapidly turns white after months, or even weeks, of stress or trauma.
“Everyone has an anecdote to share about how stress affects their body, particularly in their skin and hair – the only tissues we can see from the outside,” explains senior author on the new study, Ya-Chieh Hsu. “We wanted to understand if this connection is true, and if so, how stress leads to changes in diverse tissues. Hair pigmentation is such an accessible and tractable system to start with – and besides, we were genuinely curious to see if stress indeed leads to hair graying.”
SOURCE: CLICK HERE 
  ^^D4^^

   ^^D5^^

Termites and Ants, both protected by a row of their soldiers in a stand-off, without fighting.

Much better in motion: 
SOURCE: CLICK HERE
  ^^D6^^

   I lost my virginity to a manatee back in '61. 
Panama City, Florida. 
I'd been drinking.
A lot.
^^D7^^

 3-Year Old Boy Becomes the Youngest Member of Mensa

 Do you have an IQ in the top 2% of the human population? If you do, you should apply to join Mensa, the international organization of geniuses.
Its youngest member is 3-year old Muhammad Haryz Nadzim, a Malaysian toddler who lives in the United Kingdom. He recently joined after scoring 142 on an IQ test. That's in the 99.7th percentile for the test.
Yeah, but can he hit a 90mph fastball?

SOURCE: CLICK HERE 

 ^^D8^^

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"I don't want to" is my mantra.
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 Married couple of differing religions forbidden to be buried in the same cemetery.

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 https://i.imgur.com/Fq0RBL5.mp4

https://i.imgur.com/yu8tRjR.mp4

https://i.imgur.com/XlBSGtY.mp4

https://i.imgur.com/sRBKnlr.mp4

https://i.imgur.com/t5JKNPx.mp4

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 My wife used to do shit like that all the time. Fun lady.

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 What happened here?