One Of My Very Own
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EMAIL: ralh.henry.at.folio.olio@gmail.com
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You know you're old when you have to enter your birth year online and you have to spin that bitch like you're on Wheel of Fortune.
"A Republican is someone who can't enjoy eating unless he knew somebody else was hungry."
- Mary Karr
HUMAN ODDITIES NOT NORMALLY SEEN ON A FRIDAY
Brandon Belt hit 16 foul balls in the first-inning battle against Jaime Barria that ended in a fly ball to right field. Belt's 21-pitch at-bat is the longest on record since 1988, as far back as the data is available.
Why are people still swayed by cults?
"Scream" is a PSA about a woman who's surprised to find that her voice box has been replaced with a musical instrument.
PSA?!?
The last time I went through the drive-in at Bojangles this speaker was malfunctioning and I could not hear the lady. So after several harrowing minutes, I said "Just give me whatever you think I deserve." And when I picked up my order it was perfect.
*That is a nice way of saying go fuck yourself.
I’ve never seen a person look more like Danny Torrance, Shelly Torrance, and the Overlook Hotel carpet at once.
My wife's scumbag cousin began to drop by and see my wife's grandmother several times a week. We all thought it was very touching until we discovered that he had been stealing the morphine patches that she needed for chronic pain. But that's not the worst part. The worst part was that she could not get a refill.
He died of an overdose several months later.
Oh hell no!
I was once asked to return to a town to "repair" a mural I had painted years before. When I arrived I discovered that the stucco was deteriorating to the point that I could pull off dining room table-sized chunks with just my fingertips. They had it re-stuccoed by a professional this time and paid me to repaint the original mural.
I read that they cut a large bone in half and then rig it up to a device that holds the bone a short distance apart so that the ends grow toward each other. Then the device is lengthened over time. It was stated that it was very painful.
It used to be so easy to find a job.
That's the way my wife spent half of our honeymoon while I watched playoff games on the TV.
End it was all caught on camera.
Well, I guess that is what peak performance looks like.
A prime candidate for my Situational Awareness Seminar.
Bumblebee Tuna
*Verification Requested
How long have you worked there?
Three years.
Sean Murphy Baseball Butt
Want to get a rise out of your wife? Just ask her, "Why do we wrap our wet wipes in strips of newspaper before we flush them down the toilet?"
Men dream of women and women dream of themselves being dreamt of.
- Sten Didrik Bellander
WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT
Sunset on Mars
Somewhere in India...
I would love to know the kinds of insurance those companies carry.
How nasty was the bitch?
Did you notice the scratches on the inside of the lid?
Say what you will about our airport security but we haven't had a terrorist incident in a long time.
The Internet has ruined me.
"You made it, keep walking" - Jack Pierson
I think they put it in backward. The screen portion of the pipe is supposed to go on the bottom.
Because of light pollution, it has been decades since I've seen a true night sky and I miss it.
The reason so many men have a foot fetish is that they lost their virginity to a sock.
A gorilla dies of old age at a zoo right before the zoo opens. It is the only gorilla at the zoo since they are not very profitable.
However, the gorilla is their most popular attraction by far, and they can't afford to go a day without it. So the zoo owner asks one of his workers to wear a gorilla suit they have in storage for an extra $100 a day if he will go in the gorilla cage and pretend to be the gorilla until the zoo can afford a new one.
Quickly, the new "gorilla" becomes the most popular craze at the zoo. People from all over are coming to see the "Human-like" gorilla.
About a month in, the craze has started to wear off. So, to get peoples' attention back, he decides to climb over his enclosure and hang from the net ceiling above the lions' den next to him. A large crowd of people gathers to watch the spectacle in awe and terror. Suddenly the man loses his grip and falls to the floor of the lion's den. The man starts screaming "HELP!! HELP!!!" Suddenly a lion pounces him from behind and whispers in his ear, "Shut the fuck up right now or you're going to get us both fired."
CREATURES GREAT AND SMALL
This turtle looks like it knows all the secrets of the universe
A glass octopus is nearly transparent, You can see straight thru to the optic nerve, eyes, & digestive tract. Live in the aphotic zone at around 3,000 feet.
I would really like to see the statistics of how many Indians are injured or killed by those holy beasts.
Watch carefully…
*If my wife was a bee she would have been super easy to train.
Do you suppose that dog is buckled in somehow?
Life will find a way.
We feed our jellies nauplii, which are just teeny tiny little crustaceans. It’s important to dip the container into the water before pouring the nauplii out because any bubbles that are introduced could potentially tear a hole in the jelly’s bell.
And it's just as laid-back in the wild.
My spirit animal.
Baby Squirrels
It looks like we found our Disney princess.
The old leg sweep.
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2 comments:
A1: Sounds like The Kid Who Batted 1.000 - book from 1950s. A would be chicken farmer is able to foul off any ball in the strike zone so walks every time at bat. He hits a homer in the World Series to win, retires from baseball and builds his chicken farm an retires from baseball.
Raul
B10: LOL
Raul
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