One Of My Very Own
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EMAIL: ralh.henry.at.folio.olio@gmail.com
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FUN WITH LANGUAGE
*"Christian tyranny" – what a wonderful term.
It is supposed to read: I DRAW YOU.
The internet has ruined me.
*Viewer contribution
Go ahead and convince me that it's not a cult.
Let's play a game.
Last night while I was watching Boston kick New York's ass I wondered what final score happens most often in a professional baseball game – so I looked it up. Now I want you to guess what that score is. I will post the correct answer tomorrow. BTW I thought it was 1 – 0 and I was wrong.
I was going through a lot lately...
That woman obviously never wrote a blog. Had she written a blog she would've found out real quick from the comments that there are a lot of people who think about her incessantly.
I concur.
You know how when everyone is clapping along to the song and you join in and it’s fun at first but after a while, you’re like oh shit do I have to keep this up for the whole song? That’s what life is like.
My neighbor hates it when I figure out his wifi password but it’s his fault for writing it down and putting it on his fridge.
THINGS THAT REMIND ME OF A STORY
They filmed a movie in my city once rented a house where most of the action took place. They sent the owners on a vacation and promised to put the house back exactly the way it was. They took pictures of every tabletop, every closet, etc. to use as a card for replacing the items that had been moved. One of the problems was the grass. It was filmed in the winter in the Grass was brown but the movie took place in the summer, therefore, they had to paint the grass green. When the homeowners return they demanded that the green paint be washed from their lawn. Luckily they had used water-based tempura for that very scenario.
As a son of the south, I remember learning that the confederacy started a war without one single canon factory. That sort of sums up how Southerners do things.
The same guy who sprayed the grass for the movie entered a Halloween costume contest at a bar that had a grand prize of an automobile.
The car was used, of course, but my friend still wanted it so he worked on an elaborate Godzilla costume that took him weeks. The winner of the contest was a young man who only wore a silly hat and a store-bought mask. When my friend protested, the owners of the bar simply said, "He really needed a car." And that was that.
A teacher friend of mine married a dermatologist and they bought a huge house right next to a railroad track. When I asked them if the noise interfered with their sleep they both said, "You get used to it." I have also heard the same thing about people living near airports.
Do you remember me telling you that I positioned my new box so that I could look at it every day? That photograph sort of reminds me of how I like to look at new things that I've made.
One of these days and I hope it's not too long, we will look back and say, "Do you remember when we had those printers that wouldn't work?"
During one of our road trips my wife would signal for the truck or that we were passing to blast the horn very similar to the clip above. But my wife didn't actually know how to give the signal. And instead of mimicking pulling on the horns cable, she did it this way…
We got some very strange looks from the truckers.
At first, I thought they were living caterpillars but they are just the tops of weeds that have hairs. I'm assuming the vibration causes it to move.
When I was young we would bet someone that they couldn't put one of those seed pods on their tongue and say the word "caterpillar" three times. And by the second "caterpillar" the motion of the tongue would push the seed pod down their throat and a good time was had by all...except for that one guy.
^^B9^^
My friend was a colonel in the Air Force and he and his friends were once on a temporary duty assignment. That night each of them had a hooker in their room. My friend heard a knock at the door and it was a hooker that was with his friend telling him he should come very quickly. When he arrived at the room he found his friend dead. It was a running joke that the dead man always wore silk pajamas when he slept. Therefore before the coroner got there my friend had to dress his friend in his pajamas so his wife wouldn't read the report and wonder why for the first time he had slept naked.
^^B10^^
When coming out of sedation keep your mouth shut.
I companied my wife when she was to be sedated. The doctor came out and said, "Your wife's language embarrassed my whole staff." I looked him right in the eye and said, "Why the fuck are you telling me this? What am I supposed to do about it – fuss at her?"
You can’t buy gifts from a sex offender registry. I know this now.
A good response to any question is “what do you plan to do with this information”, especially at a McDonald’s drive-through.
HUMAN ODDNESSES
I'm all for anything that'll get people out of their fat asses...including myself.
In his defense, he is wearing a hood that would curtail the feeling on his head.
Indeed. Biden's son served. Now try to imagine one of Trump's sons in a firefight.
This man is going to fall. Your job is to guess where he is going to land.
A. On the milk crate.
B. Against the wall.
C. On the glass table.
D. In the fire.
And what a fall it was!
More proof that mental health is woefully underfunded in this country...
-sound on-
-sound on-
-sound on-
-sound on-
I blame the supervisor.
If you bring her flowers to apologize, don’t bring them in a vase. She might still be pissed. No sense in arming her.
So aliens build high-tech spacecraft & travel thousands of light-years just to give random people colonoscopies?
OBJECTS OF INTEREST
An unfortunate chemical oversight in fountain design.
Story Time: When I was writing seriously I kept a notebook next to my bed because I would dream scenes to be added to a novel. The other night I dreamed a gag to amuse you good people here on Folio Olio.
"I have abused my wife's asshole so badly that she can no longer retain her fecal matter. She tried wearing adult diapers but her leakage kept spilling over the waistband and down her legs so I just sealed the ankles of her slacks with duct tape so she didn't traipse her shit up and down the aisles of Publix again.
NOTE: I asked for and received permission from my wife to share that with you.
What a marvel of technology.
I think that every golf cart in the world should be equipped with solar panels on the roof.
The most appropriately named object in the universe.
And it's still in perfect shape.
Thiccus Barbius
I'm assuming it's an ice maker malfunction.
There were dozens of comments like this one concerning the Samsung refrigerator:
If you are in the market for a new fridge just know that my 4yo makes more ice pretending to be Elsa than my four-year-old Samsung refrigerator.
We desperately need a banana for scale.
I wonder what they taste like. Have any of you people ever eaten one?
The Anaconda and the Sloth.
Sometimes I forget that another component of religion is guilt relief meaning you can blame the devil for all of the evil you perpetrate. "The Devil made me do it."
4 comments:
^^B11^^
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5zMtKTB5Yso
Indeed. Biden's son served. Now try to imagine one of Trump's sons in a firefight.
^^C4^^
You need to let go of who served and who didn't, on average reps are more likely to serve in the military than Dems. Neither Biden nor Trump served, you've chastised Trump for this before but never Biden, it's called double standards.
Looking at your 2020 senate 28 Democrats vs 63 Republicans served but I doubt you would mock the Dems for that.
https://www.militarytimes.com/news/pentagon-congress/2020/12/28/veterans-in-the-117th-congress-by-the-numbers/
^^B4^^ living near an airport
Years ago I read a study that looked at the physiological effects on folks who lived under one of the flight patterns at LAX. They found that while people did, in fact, consciously "get used to it", the effect on their body, especially the levels of stress hormones, never ended. They were getting just as fucked by the noise after years as they had been when they first started hearing it.
B is different, the Q is in the opposite corner and the Queen is facing the other say.
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