One Of My Very Own
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EMAIL:
ralh.henry.at.folio.olio@gmail.com
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Borys, are you okay?
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
The Citizens United decision made bribery legal.
Imagine if in, say, the year 2000 someone told you that in twenty years half of Americans would be against college, and science...and voting...doctors, vaccines, women's rights over her own body, and would call people who beat the shit out of Capital Police heroes?
Only children have certain personality traits that few children with siblings possess. But interestingly, the firstborn exhibit many of those same traits. The reason is that the firstborns were only children for months if not years.
I wonder if my dog would look at me differently if he knew I was made of bones.
I have a degree in graphic design. It's not real but nobody can tell because I'm pretty damn good at that shit.
ON A PERSONAL NOTE
If you start a conversation with, "I'm going to tell you something that I don't want you to tell anyone" I will tell you I don't want to know. My reasoning is if you trust me enough to share the information then you should trust me enough to know who I can and who I can't share it with.
We used to have "Super Market Tabloids" and they were filled with titillating...well, lies. But now we have Super Market Tabloid fodder brought onto your screen with a touch of a button and somehow people believe it. People actually believe that Democrats sit around and drink the blood of children because an anonymous source on the internet told them it was true. How did we get this stupid?
I have tried to use self-checkout twice and fucked it up both times. I called for assistance and the lady did EXACTLY what I had done forty times but hers worked!
I would have paid someone $100 to put my new router table together for me. The instructions were AWFUL. It took me two days.
I do not allow anyone to use "But I was looking at my phone" as an excuse for ignoring me while I was telling them something. I'm an eye-contact kind of guy.
This is me when I heard someone screaming at someone in the kitchen and wondered if there was something in my meal that shouldn't be there.
My wife and I gave up on traditional gift-giving decades ago. Just being nice to each other every day makes up for gifts.
When I had a chore I really didn't want to do I used to do it naked just to shake things up a bit...no pun intended.
I was once asked what I would do to satisfy a woman and I replied, "Whatever it takes." I still think that is excellent advice.
The toys are great. Shopping together for them makes them even better.
At least try things out of your comfort zone.
Experimenting with different locations works for me.
And lastly, it has been my experience that getting a good buzz on gets rid of a lot of foolish inhibitions.
My wife likes to play a game where she tells everyone that nothing is wrong and then allows stuff to build and build until one day she irrationally explodes.
(*that is a lie)
I swear the wife who orders groceries and the wife that actually has to cook the meals are two entirely different people.
SHIT YOU DON'T SEE EVERY DAMN DAY
A woman to whom I was once married was an advertising exec and organized a TV commercial filmed inside an airliner. She ORDERED ONE to be delivered on a flatbed just like that...sort of. They only needed half of the plane cut down the aisle.
Interestingly, my mural crew chief used to work for a company that leased out items like that plane to movie sets, etc. He said they had whole buildings filled with a particular prop like telephones. They had ancient ones and every type of phone since.
I had a truck like that once.
Let's play a game.
We've all picked up something to take home after work. I want you to try and imagine the absolute strangest place for these bags to be. Take your time.
You are wrong. Keep guessing.
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That's amazing.
I'm assuming that's iron rust. But it could be algae.
It's all about the light.
With the right kind of rope that could stay there for decades.
Cuttlefish = not fish
Starfish = not fish
Jellyfish = not fish
Silverfish = not fish
Shellfish = not fish
Seahorse = fish
Just remember, someone out there is quarantined with your ex.
(That was for humorous purposes only - my ex is a very nice person.)
LESS THAN OPTIMAL
I'm actually rather proud that I was never caught for any of my felonies.
Here are some comments left for that picture:
A picture is worth 1000 words
A friend of mine used to be a district manager for Jiffy Lube. He said each location budgets for ~6 engine rebuilds a year
Happened to me once. Oil change place forgot to put the drain plug back in.
One time the guy wouldn't change my oil because my drain plug was "iffy". I never learned how he knew that without removing it.
BTW: Afterwards I took my truck to my favorite mechanic and ordered a new plug and installed it. Total charge: 85¢.
Astronomer Johannes Kepler's Mother was Put on Trial for Witchcraft
The early 17th century was a strange time in which religion, science, and superstition were muddled together, both for individuals and for society at large. Johannes Kepler was a deeply religious man who studied astrology as well as astronomy, and not as separate subjects. Today he is best known for using physics to determine the laws of planetary motion. But in 1615, and for years afterward, he was busy trying to keep his mother from being executed for witchcraft.
Katharina Guldenmann Kepler was by all accounts an outspoken and unpleasant woman, whose enemies exaggerated her faults and habits (such as making home remedies) until they resulted in her arrest. Katharina, already in her 70s, was arrested twice and spent more than a year imprisoned each time while her guilt was assessed. The astronomer put his life on hold to handle her legal defense. Read the story of Katharina Kepler's struggle against accusations of witchcraft at The Conversation.
Grifters Gonna Grift III: The Grifitening
The US Army’s Universal Camouflage: A Terrible Mistake
That last part is distressing as hell. Maybe my art will bring up my name a little longer.
I would like you to come up with the funniest thing you can think of for this young man to be saying to his woman.
7 comments:
Ok! Now can we talk about your car’s warranty?
D-6
One of my wives coworkers went to a oil change company like Jiffy Lube. Her engine seized after getting an oil change from them. She went back to the shop and told them what happened. They told her they wouldn't do anything about it. She said "I guess I'll go talk to my boss and see what he thinks." Their reply "Oh really and who do you work for?" She told them the name, biggest law firm in the city. Before she got back to the office, there was a message. We will take care of everything.
Assholes, just trying to take advantage of SYT. Sweet Young Thing
Puzzletime: "Think of it like this, Allison. Would you buy a car before test driving it? You're already in the car for Pete's sake. So just let go of all that, 'saving myself for marriage nonsense', and let's see if this is the ride for you."
or....
Marriage?! Why would we want to ruin such a great thing? We've been perfectly happy for seven years now and you want to talk about marriage?
BRAVO PUZZLETIME ANON!!!!
^^ B1 ^^
I had a friend who when asked if he could keep a secret, would always answer, "You can trust me. It's the people I tll that you can't trust." No truer words ever said.
^^ B3 ^^
I was at a Walmart recently, and the self checkout would not give me my change, and displayed "please see Walmart employee". When that employee determines,ined there was a technical issue, she called "Kyle" to the rescue. Kyle was 16 years old and fixed the issue immediately.
^^ D10 ^^
Everyone actually dies three times:
1. Actual death
2. The funeral, burial or other ceremony of friends
3. When your name is uttered. the very last time.
#3 spooks me. Is that why rich folks get buildings named after them?
How many Wives has JNR got?
@Burgervan - That was really good! It took me a few seconds to se it from your perspective (the correct perspective).
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