About Me

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I'm an artist, educator, militant anti-theist , and I write. I gamble on just about anything. And I like beer...but I love my wife. This blog contains observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while.

Wednesday, October 11, 2023

WENESDAY #5404

One Of My Very Own



FOOD FOR THOUGHT


I've reached the age where my death would sadden some people but surprise no one. And I'm cool with that.

^^A1^^

Someone placed 3 color-coordinated rocks on every single ledge along this retaining wall.

That person shares my hatred of boredom. They had some time on their hands and they found some way to leave evidence of their existence.

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I'm pretty sure this is a fake bill - probably an advertisement or some such.

But I've often wondered what all those people thought who found one of my Key Packets with a free dollar bill enclosed. They must have thought I had lost my mind.

^^A2^^

The earth was around billions of years before we were, and is indifferent to our survival. There have been multiple mass extinctions in the past and we shouldn’t feel any safer. The only difference is we’ve advanced far enough to the point that we’ll probably know in advance when our species is going to go extinct.

The ten hottest years on record have all been since 2010.

 I have heard distractors say that all these climate change alarmists just want to ruin the oil industry but not once has anyone explained why a climatologist would have a vendetta against the oil industry.

^^A3^^

I am absolutely convinced that there is a large chunk of this nation who will believe anything - and I mean ANYTHING.

^^A4^^

I generally don't like hanging out with other old people, especially men. They get angry over anything that violates what they deem the proper way to live one's life. Most are disappointed that their dicks don't work anymore and feel the need to strike out at anything alien. I pity them.

^^A5^^

I want you to imagine what the United States would do if a few hundred Cubans landed in Florida and killed a couple of thousand Americans, took hundreds more back to Cuba as hostages, and then fired a couple of thousand rockets into and around Miami.

^^A6^^

I got a call from the library saying I was in “serious, serious trouble” for a long overdue book. Then they told me I would be fined $1.37 and I wonder if this is how rich people feel all the time.

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I thought I heard my wife masturbating in the bedroom but she was just putting on her pants.


ONE-EYED TROUSER TROUTS


I did not search for facts about the penis. I just ran across it on one of the sites I visit. I HAVE NOT verified the accuracy of any of this but it is kind of fun to think about.

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Men who have been hanged often get a “death erection” also known as “angel lust.”

^^B1^^

85% of women are satisfied with the penis size of their partners, although only 55% of guys like their size. About 90% of women prefer a wide penis to a long one.

According to condom manufacturers, only 6% of the world’s population of men needs an extra-large-sized condom.

^^B2^^

A man will ejaculate an average of 7,200 times during his lifetime. The average number of times he will ejaculate from masturbation is 2,000.

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*2000? Hell, I surpassed that number before I graduated high school.

^^B3^^

A “micropenis” is a term used by researchers to refer to a penis fewer than 2.8 inches in length when stretched. The condition affects only 0.6% of men or 6 in 1000 men.

^^B4^^

Despite popular belief, penis length is not linked to foot size.

^^B5^^

Approximately 79% of men are “growers” and 21% are “showers.”

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I do not know what that meant so I Googled it.

A "grower" is a man whose phallus expands significantly in length from the flaccid to the erect state; a "shower" is a man whose phallus does not demonstrate such expansion.

^^B6^^

Approximately 80% of American men are circumcised, while only about one-third of men worldwide are.

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A perfect example of "We've always done it that way" - because thinking for yourself is hard.

^^B7^^

Only one man in 400 is flexible enough to give himself oral sex.

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Think of a man you greatly admire: The Pope, George Washington, Brad Pitt, your father, Moses, Donald Trump - all of them have tried to suck their own dick. ALL. OF. THEM.

^^B8^^

If the penis is violently twisted when erect, it can break. There are no bones in the penis, but the tubes that fill with blood during an erection can burst.

^^B9^^

The nice thing about always being late is never having to worry about getting worms.

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Fun fact: Malcolm X was not his birth name. He was originally Malcolm Twitter.


OBJECTS THAT INTEREST ME


Think of the math required to plan that.

^^C1^^

And that's why they call them sewer rats.

^^C2^^

That looks like an armored assault motorcycle.

^^C3^^

But what if a long time ago a guy had a lot of time on his hands and left those laying around with the same motivation that I leave Key Packets laying around?

^^C4^^

That reminds me of a bartender I had one time. He had his tuition paid for by the Navy to become a nuclear engineer on a submarine. After two years he went before a board to be evaluated and afterward, the head guy told him, "I have never done this before but in your case, I writing into your records that you not be allowed anywhere near a nuclear submarine."

Ouch!

^^C5^^

Globe only showing Poland.

^^C6^^

^^C7^^

This guy loves his job you can just tell.

^^C8^^

^^C9^^

SIGNS, SIGNS, EVERYWHERE ARE SIGNS


This hospital celebrated its 900th anniversary.

^^C10^^

^^C11^^

^^C12^^

I don't know if the present awful graphic designs are due to awful graphic designers or a company's refusal to hire one. I'm thinking about dark gray letters on a black background for every button on every piece of electronic equipment in my office. Or my cable company displaying menu graphics with gray font on a black background instead of white on black or black on white. Shouldn't the first rule be optimum legibility?

^^C13^^

^^C14^^

^^C15^^

Why do some people insist on saying "At this point in time" instead of just "Now"?

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When people say I don’t mean to brag they’re bragging about not bragging.


A MASSIVE CARTOON DUMP


I'm done with cartoons. I have decided to insert an OOMVO between sections instead of my usual cartoons for two reasons: collecting the cartoons is too time-consuming and I really like making OOMVOs. There are 83 cartoons in this dump so feel free to skip what you deem appropriate - I just couldn't throw them away without sharing.

NOTE: I must have examined thousands of cartoons to glean these 83 and it might just be me but they seem to be getting less and less funny. But beware, some are rather subtle.

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^^Cartoons^^


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Here's an enlargement of the wires.

*Viewer Contribution





4 comments:

MIKE HARRIS said...

A1; The best quote on death came from the deep thinker Yogi Berra...“Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise they won’t come to yours.”

MIKE HARRIS said...

Terrific blog today.

Anonymous said...

Puzzle Time
So what's the answer?

Ralph Henry said...

Dear Puzzle Curious,
The cables are to deter waterfowl to protect the planes at a nearby airport
RH

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