FUN WITH LANGUAGE
I'm the guy where everything has a place and it goes in that place every time.
A loophole big enough to drive a serial killer through.
When I had my vasectomy I was asked to bring in a sperm sample. The first one was ruined because my dumbass used a spermicidal condom. On the second attempt, I jacked off in a small jar and since the office was closed I just put it on top of their wall-mounted mailbox with a note. It sat in the direct sun all day and killed whatever sperm were in there. I gave up and just assumed I was sterile.
MY WIFE'S FAVORITE JOKE
An American sailor asked a Japanese bargirl if it was true that Asian girls had horizontal vaginas.
And the bargirl replied, "Why, are you a harmonica player?"
That's a lie! That's America.
My teenage dick every time it saw a bowl of mashed potatoes...
...or an apple pie, or a pot roast, or a box of cereal...
Smoking Kills
"The best revenge is living well" is the kind of thing you say if you've never felt the joy of slashing someone's tires.
I have never pronounced an "L" so hard as when I ask the Home Depot guy where I can find the "caulk".
WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT
Somewhere there are people who think those things are edible.
A woman used 13,000 pennies to renovate an old floor.
And then there's this...
"I'm just as smart as people with doctorates."
No, you're not.
What the world would look like without US military intervention.
Catholic Foot Fetish?
Most amateurs will make this lone serif mistake every time.
I have a question about Soccer in European schools.
In America, College "Football" is a really big deal. Is College "Soccer" as big a deal in Europe?
Balance Machine
Breastfeeding
- sound off -
A Moment In Time
The person who took this photo swore it was not photoshopped.
It is magnificent.
Speaking of...
And...
Lipstick
*BTW They probably didn't let the guy who named it lipstick name anything else.
I have no clue what that is about but it looks distressing.
If you don't like dysfunctional government, just remember that every single Democrat voted to keep it dysfunctional.
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I call this a cheap political shot.
That's like insinuating that only a Republican would do such a thing and I assure you that's not the case.
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But never in my whole life did I ever think I would get into arguments over whether we should feed hungry children. What's wrong with some people?
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Now let's have fun with the most dangerous man in America.
I always figure everything out.
You just have to let me panic first.
I, myself, am understaffed at this time.
CREATURES GREAT AND SMALL
We all expect minor inconveniences when we commune with nature.
But some communers seem to go looking for trouble...
But some animals are just abusive.
How long do you think Americans would tolerate that?
Said to be a dinosaur tibia.
It was a real shindig.
"Shin" dig.
Diving Puffin
"I don't want to be warm, I want to be cold and made warm by a blanket. Why is that so difficult to understand?"
- my wife
If you want a guy who calls you every day and talks about your future together, date an inmate.
PEOPLE DOING THINGS
I CAN'T OR WON'T DO
I think the fireproof suit is an excellent idea.
How to become the most hated person in the group
in one simple step.
Can they be disqualified for shit like that?
Dance1
Dance2
I used to hang out with some real warriors at the American Legion. I heard things that the men never told anybody - including their wives - because they knew I wrote books and I might need their story.
And I remember every detail of every story.
Self-Defense
And...
Turns out that getting punched in the face hurts
4 comments:
In Reason we all should trust
Sorry, not going to trust someone who has sworn to kill me because of his religion
Regarding the unlabeled dysfunctional government slide...
So far, the most votes anyone has received for a replacement SOTH following the republican-led ouster of McCarthy is Jeffries. How about a handful (n=5) of republicans vote for Jeffries and this mess would be over? Jeffries is much closer than anyone else to getting this settled.
And yes..I know that would be crossing party lines, but let's face it, the hard right is almost its own party now anyways and not willing to side with the rest of the republican party.
Signed,
Not Anonymous
Puzzle. Time:
Shaquille O'tmeal
B16- fun fact! Tribes that are secluded from modern civilization in Brazil practice Ayahuasca and give it to new born babies right after birth.-Armando
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