Wow! People have made it a point to tell me what bad things would happen if we left Afghanistan. Mainly, little girls would not be able to go to school without America's presence.

Well, too fucking bad. They have dads, uncles, brothers, and granddads who, if they so chose, could make sure they went to school. But these pathetic bastards DON'T want them going to school. That means that figuratively and literally HALF THE COUNTRY'S BRAINS WILL BE LEFT ON THE SIDELINES.

I equate this to stagnation...JUST LIKE THE LAST THOUSAND YEARS.

And, to be quite frank, IT'S NONE OF OUR FUCKING BUSINESS!!!

We Americans could go to hundreds of countries in the world to make things all better, but we CAN'T AFFORD IT!

But you know what I want to be made better. I want every fucking neighborhood in America safe to...oh....take an evening stroll to a local market without the fear of being robbed, killed or rape. No..."fear of" is not the word....absolute fucking certainty of violence is something that many of us in America have become accustomed...like going into the wrong neighborhood or breaking some rule...like wearing the wrong gang colors in an area where you happen to venture.

Pleeeeeeeeez, folks. We can't solve the Afghans' problems...WE CAN'T EVEN SOLVE OUR OWN!

These next images illustrate EXACTLY why we should leave BOTH war zones NOW!!!

**************

Now let's distract ourselves from cruel reality with a few absurdities for a several minutes...

*****

If your son ever says that he doesn't want go to college, and would rather work on a farm, show him these two pictures... Then start doubling your contributions to the old college fund...

****

The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident in the Bay Of Fundy , Nova Scotia,

a man answered his door to find two grim-faced Mounties.

‘We are sorry sir, but we have some information about your wife’ said one Mountie.

‘Tell me! Did you find her?’ the husband shouted.

The Mounties looked at each other. One said, ‘We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?

Fearing the worst, the ashen husband said, ‘Give me the bad news first.’

The Mountie said, ‘I’m sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife’s body in the bay.’

Oh my God!’ exclaimed the husband. Swallowing hard, he asked, ’What’s the good news?’

The Mountie continued, ‘When we pulled her up, she had 12 twenty-five pound snow crabs

and 6 good-size lobsters clinging to her.’

Stunned, the husband demanded, ‘If that’s the good news, what’s the great news?’

The Mountie said, ’We’re going to pull her up again tomorrow.’

****

I haven't shown you a two-headed pig in a while...no photoshop this...

****

Take the time to read his choices of topping, then look what he got... Now a lesson from beyond, my friends. Why would anyone in their right mind order a pizza like that? Well, with this one act he put a smile on my face. His absurdity has circulated around the world to reach more people than ANYTHING YOU HAVE EVER OR WILL EVER DO. And I like it, but mostly because he specified which exact side his one ingredient was to be placed...when it made no difference whatsoever. BRILLIANT!!!

****

Every year, 5 people are killed by shark attacks.

Vending machines kill 13.

(next week on National Geographic Channel....VENDING MACHINE WEEK!)

****

Ever think of moving to an apartment? Nah, me neither...

****

TRUE:

ISRAELI RABBIS CLAMP DOWN ON BURKA:

Israeli rabbis clamp down on the growing number of devout Jewish women wearing the burka by declaring the garment an item of sexual deviancy.

(SEXUAL DEVIANCY?!?!? Wait til you get to the image of the lunatic with the bullhorn further down this post. That guy's wife ought to wear a burka)

****

And who said Jews didn't have a sense of humor?

***** (yeah, it took me a couple of seconds to get it also)

****

And we never thought to ask, "Where do little baby storks come from, Daddy?"

****

???????????

• ****

• I once had a $20 fine for an overdue book at the library so I brought it back and re-shelved it myself. The next day I had a friend of mine go to the library and check out the book. The system said it was the book was out, so they scanned it back in and my friend checked it out. I later went to check my outstanding fine and it was erased. They must’ve assumed that the mistake was on their end, which is what I was banking on.

(Ya'll really ought to start writing this shit down)

****

Answer quickly...Who is being rude here? If you didn't picked the red faced motherfucker with the megaphone, I think you need to experience working in an office across the street from that pious ass for just one day.

****

I once made a comment about the crazy Muslims celebrating 9/11 and holding up stupid signs...I admit I like making fun of people...but one very smart reader reminded me that in America religious zealots shoot abortion doctors and/or otherwise persecute your niece that you love for wanting to abort an embryo the size of a pencil point.

Interesting point that.

We have our nut cases, they have their nut cases. So...it's a wash?

FUCK NO IT'S NOT A FUCKING WASH. PEOPLE ARE DYING WHILE WE DISCUSS THE MINUTIA OF OUR SHARED STUPIDITY.

We KNOW nothing. We are a product of shit I don't even want to get into, but it is not THE truth. Inhale...think about it...now, let's figure out how to make things better.

****

Can you imagine what people around the world think about Christians if they only saw this billboard?

Yeah, I'm sure your god doesn't have anything better to do than judge such things.

****

On the 2001 New Zealand census, 53,715 people listed their religion as “Jedi.”

(and I want to meet every 53,715 one of those zany bastards)

****

Since Chris Hansen came along, about the only creepers in chat rooms are the ones getting turned on talking to undercover FBI agents.

****

One of my very own...

Silly, but short...

_________________________________________________________________________