TUESDAY

Coincidently, Ringo Starr died on the same day that...

 ...Ernest Borgnine turned 72....

When I talk about the game being fixed, Barclay's is what I'm talking about...

I was watching a Netflix movie the other night and could actually feel my brain atrophy.

Jesus Joseph and Mary!!!! I bet this place has an echo...

If a guy comes in and stands beside you in this bathroom, you might want to set him straight (no pun intended) right away.


I had to actually perform manual labor yesterday, but found I was allergic to it. My skin flushed and my heart raced. I got sweaty and short of breath. Very dangerous.

The other day someone told me I could make ice cubes out of leftover wine. Seriously. What the fuck is leftover wine?

I was watching a Netflix movie the other night and came upon this...my good friend Bill Roberson....

He's a stain glass artist/actor and made my back beautiful door. I look at it in awe every fucking day.


He was in a film with some rather heavy hitters....

And this should explain why his credits in Forrest Gump read: "Fat man on bench"....

What if dinosaurs were made up by the CIA to discourage time travel?




This took me much longer than it should have...

I looked in the mirror and didn't recognize the person staring back at me. Then I realized it was the bathroom window and I was looking at one of the siding guys.




Two cartoons I just don't get....

Here are the comments on the cartoon above....

Anybody read this? I would really like to know what they find humorous.

I will admit that I sometimes casually drop the fact that I have a master's degree. Not because I think it makes me smart, but because most people assume it does. It's called (I learned today) "Credentialism"; the irrational respect for a piece of paper that actually tells you nothing about the holder's intelligence.
Now that college debt has gotten out of hand, many young people have opted out of the Credentialism game.
My jury is still out.




Why.......why?

How is this dumb fuck going to explain that to his future kids?


If I started a religion, my first commandment would be:
"Touch thyself, or not...I don't give a shit, I'm not god."




This guy was funny as shit. He and his little girl got on a ride and he starts screaming and begging them to stop it in an eerie high falsetto. All the while the little girl was having fun....

These are all over China. It was stated that they keep the bums from sleeping under the bridge....

This guy doesn't get near enough credit. He is very, very good....

In a way, I feel sorry for the kids of this generation. They'll have parents who will know how to check browser history.

Oh, look, somebody just got some very good or some very bad news....

...maybe she was the 1,000,000th customer.


Do you think pigeons have feelings, like envy or loathing?

But, by god, he's got the perfect form.

Hemingway once said, "When you stop doing things for fun, you might as well be dead."

I agree. Life is so damn short, for fuck sake, just do what makes you happy. Although, true happiness may be that rarest of elements: Unobtainium.

This is America's real drug problem...over the counter happiness.

An interesting fountain...

Speaking of...

???????

Shit, little buddy, I didn't make up the caption...cut me some slack.

Pedestrian bridge over waterway....

Reuse...it's a good thing...

Did you notice the little foot-pedal part under it like a small table?


I've worked with many disabled kids, and I'm a real sucker for suffering children...

Read somewhere that the rest of the civilized world is catching up with us.

Nobody wants peace more than warriors...

I don't have a dirty mind.
I have a sexy imagination.




What a great idea...

My wife went to see Magic Mike and there was an awkward moment when she was leaving the theater and one of the staff said, "Thanks for coming."




Really, young people, it ain't that hard...

Guys should take the birth control pills. It makes more sense to unload the gun than shoot at a bulletproof vest.




Article stated this guy was beat worse than Rodney King...

But the city name of Towanda is what I want to discuss.
The wife and I watched "Fried Green Tomatoes" right before Christmas and I ordered a pen set with the word Towanda (the strong lead female character) on a plaque. I ordered it from an old guy my wife and I know and after a couple of days he called me on the phone....whispering.
"Ralph, did you order this for Debbie?"
"Yes, I did."
Still whispering as if sharing a deep secret, he said, "Then why do you want "To Wanda" on the plaque?"
I burst out laughing.....he thought I was fucking around on my wife and was just trying to keep me from getting caught.

One of my very own....

I can almost always tell if a movie doesn't use real dinosaurs....it's in the pixels.

You can always trust a guy who likes big butts. He can never lie.




Why can't we elect somebody like this guy as president?

The woman who manages one of my wife's stores told me she called her father to wish him a happy birthday. She had forgotten about the time zone problem and woke him up.
He asked, "What has a two inch dick and it hangs down?"
She didn't know.
He: "A bat. I paid for all that education...THINK, GIRL, THINK!!! Now what has a ten inch dick and hangs up?"
Again she said she didn't know.
Immediately he hung up the phone.
I would like to meet this guy.




Wheeeeeeeeeee...

Wife and I had sex. I asked her how it was and she said, "Reminded me of the San Diego firework show."

Often if you let your magazine subscription to lapse, they will contact you with a half price offer. I know personally that this works with phone service....you threaten to change and you WILL get a better rate.




I am of the opinion that these words are now absolutely meaningless....

My daughter flew in from DC today. I asked her how her flight was and she said, "The guys with the rubber gloves were surprisingly gentle."

Anybody.......anybody?

I'm thinking maybe pearl divers?


Every time a couple gets married, two single people die.

Okay, go down to the knee closest to you...like the knee cap. Now move up on the same line four stones...the light brown one. How do they keep it from following out the mesh?

I don't get it.....

Am I over-thinking this?

Another one of my very own...

Maybe, just maybe, she didn't want to drink alone.


Just when you think it couldn't get any worse...