MONDAY

Bringing American values to the world....

Someone once said that everything he learned in college can now be found for free on Wikipedia. I assured him that it wasn't true for art school.

My wife changes the WiFi password every night, then won't give it to me the next morning until I do my chores.

Never trust anyone who is entirely sober.
You know how those people are.

Following the invitation I showed up at my young friend's house. He said, "Well, you ready to go?"
I said, "Go where?"
He, "For a run."
Me, "Fuck no! I thought you ask me over for a rum!"




Fuck, no!

It makes me sad to know that my right hand has never and will never touch my right elbow.

This is what I look like when I lose a bet with a late game field goal.....

Woman tries to take wheel chair up escalator....with predictable results....

A news guy got in trouble for laughing. 
How could you not?

My daughter is thinking of moving to Pennsylvania.

She wanted to know if I thought she should be concerned about this....

 I told her she should look on the bright side......water that boils itself.

Seriously, it's 2012 and people call other people to ask if they should be concerned that their water burns. I mean damn!

This is what I dream about doing every night...

 Oh, wait, this is what I do every night!

Absolutely beautiful...

A mosquito landed on my balls.
Hardest decision of my life.

The longer I'm left unattended in the examination room, the more tongue depressors I can lick and put back in the jar......just sayin'.

I've never understood the word "homophobia".
It's not a phobia. You are not scared.
You are just an asshole.
Imagine choking in a Chick-fil-A and the only person who knows CPR is gay.

I don't see the problems with gay weddings.
Have you ever been to a wedding that wasn't totally gay?

When I'm blowing bubble, I do it slowly and pretend that it has separation anxiety.

If there are UFO's, I wonder if there is a glass bottomed UFO for tourists.

Never got hit by an airplane, then........it just falls down for no discernible reason...

Anyone of you stoners know how to make a paper mache bong? Thanks in advance.

 Oh, look, women exploiting another poor man...

I invented a new app that shows yesterday's weather...it's 100% accurate. 

TRUE:  I know a banker who has all of his stocks set on a hair trigger. That means with one click of the mouse, everything is sold instantly. He said that everyone he knows in the money business has their investments set up the same way. He says that when he sees signs of imminent doom he will be left with a ton of cash.
I countered that when the doom comes, his cash isn't going to be worth anything either.

The Scientologists took over Clearwater, Florida. They set up hotels with mattresses everywhere, even the parking garage, and imported members who had bogusly declared residence, then when it came time to vote....they won.
What do you think would happen if Muslims did the same thing to an American city. Seriously, what if they all just moved to, say, Enid, Oklahoma, won every position in the local government, then declared Sharia Law. What would we do about that?

I love the smell of new jeans. Not those pre-washed ones, but the stiff bright blue ones. They smell like #10 white duck, otherwise known as artists' canvas.

Excellent point....

TRUE:  This is one of the last photos taken of this jerk off before he shoved a firecracker up his ass, lit it, then was rushed to the hospital...

Nobody liked Carl Sagan on his bad days....

"We don't see this often..."

Do you think animals feel rueful?

I'm deathly allergic to peanuts. How nutty is that?

"Hey, Folio boy, you kinda racist ain't ya."

Oh, you want racist. I'll show you racist...

 Oh, yeah, the fuck I did.

The last thing the shark sees before lunch....

Let's take a look at Syria, shall we.....

You'd think he would have kept one hand free to zip his fucking fly....

?????

One of my very own...

Meanwhile at Buckingham Palace....

Another of my very own...

I didn't read the book, but I saw the movie....

 Anyone who thinks war is anything but horror needs to see that movie.

Who can we trust nowadays?

Well, thank you, advice guy.....

Nobody knows how to fix anything nowadays. It's all remove and replace; whether it's a part or the whole system...aka, buy a whole new one. Even auto mechanics don't "fix" a car. They plug it into a computer and the computer tells them what part needs to be replaced....like the HAL 9000.

Complexity breeds complexity and we all know it can't go on forever.

"Bird" watching....

"Houston, we have a problem."

So, nowadays, can anything be made to fly?

I watched a documentary that stated that one of the most important developments in evolution was the lowly egg shell.
The fish came out of the primal soup, but the amphibians still had to go back to lay soft eggs. With the development of the egg shell (which is basically a soft egg surround by water), the animals were allowed to conquer the land, far from water.




Oh, the art I could make with this...