FOLIO OLIO: WEDNESDAY

A friend sent this to me...

Just been watching Professional Ladies Beach Volleyball Finals and there's already been a wrist injury....but I should be okay by Monday.

Mixed feelings about the little plastic skirt...

War: Killing racism one battle at a time...

The person who stole my identity is giving it back. According to him, life sucks as me.

THINGS THAT PISS ME OFF:
1. People who say Dooblin for Dublin.
2. Gray font.
3. People who say "Now then", which can't be.
4. When I see a human's wrist poking out of a costume.
5. Sitting on my own balls.
6. Doors. In, out, in, out, fuck 'em!
7. Ugg boots.
8. People who tell me I look like Santa Claus. Don't do it.
9. People who talk about which food served in Stryofoam containers is the best as if it were real food.

I got a buddy who does this. Broke his colar bone a couple of years ago...like nobody could have seen that coming...

Is the opposite of "Freaking Out", "Freaking In"?

According to political correctness, I can't say black paint anymore. Now I have to say "Please paint the porch, Tyrone."

I love to fuck with strangers who want to shake hands with me. Sometimes I ask them when they washed their hands last. Other times (and this is my favorite) I start to stick out my right hand, then switch to my left and explain that my right hand is my porn hand.

We never expected this ending...

I once got caught by a girlfriend for cheating on her and managed to blame it all on her for spying on me. Yeah, I was that good.

Let's do male genitalia...

Got any idea what this guy is doing?

He is trying to salute and direct the chorus at the same time.

Do you think Jesus saw the irony that in the end, it was good carpentry that killed him?

There is an app to "hide" the naughty bits...

Take a close look a this...

Speaking of...

Yeah, yeah, yeah, women have monthly periods and suffer through child birth and shit, but they never tried to pee with morning wood.

Me: Genuinely can't believe after all the shit they are back together.
Wife: Who?
Me: My ass cheeks.

Okay, let's do breasts...

Yeah, I set you up on that one...

What if fast food joints operated like bars and were required by law to cut anybody off who obviously have had too much.
"Ma'am, you have three chins and you couldn't reach your feet if they were on fire; you do not get another Big Mac."

I started a band called "Lost Cat".
You may have seen the posters.

I've seen holes like this, but never knew how they were made. It's called Heat Drilling...

I saw a man with one arm shopping at a second hand store. I wished him luck.

Have you ever been so pissed off that you...

Last Black Friday posts.

This woman waiting in line for fifteen minutes.

True headline:

Live in the city, they said. It will be safe, they said...

There is no way you can use the word "reality" without quotation marks.

If you turn a taco sideways, it's just a sandwich.

I have to carry my phone around 24/7 just in case nobody texts me.

There is nothing sexier than a quidditch uniform.

I would like to own a nude beach where the people get to vote on who to accept.

I don't do drugs because you still have all the same problems you had before, except no you can't go upstairs because they are made out of fish.

I say "No" a lot. It lowers their enthusiasm.

My wife got all excited this morning that her Alphabits had a message. I asked her what the message was and she said, "Oooooooooooo." I felt bad telling her she was eating Cheerios.