TUESDAY #1441

This man helped cover up pedophilia for decades.
If there were a hell, he would be soon be the mayor...

If I were rich, I would surround myself with beautiful things like this...every doorknob, every hinge...

Dear Women, 

Do you practice this 'Come Hither' look in front of a mirror to make sure you have it down pat?

Fuck is the duct tape of the English language.

I so hope this is not shopped...

Whoever is in charge of making sure I don't do stupid shit is fired. 
My ideas are rated on a scale of one to invade Russia in the winter.

Metal Detector Sandals...

My wife is so beautiful that when she had to strip down at the airport for TSA, she got applause and a modeling contract.
She's one of the few people I can sleep with sober and I really appreciate the blaspheming bitch.

(the caption is true, by the way)

Boys, just remember, if your girlfriend doesn't put out on Valentine's Day, her ugly friends will.

Touted as the world's smallest automobile...

 As a cart driver myself, the guy is a jerk. You are not allowed to slow all the other traffic down. Pull over.

This is a weird face they found in (on?) the ISS...

 Hand me my space machete.

This is a pigtail butt plug.

 Think of the fun you could have with that.

Little boy was born without fingers. They just printed him out a robot hand and it works.

We are all going to have to pay more attention to this 3D printing thing. The possibilities are mind-blowing.

People say that stoners are lazy, but guess what, assholes, that blunt doesn't pass itself.

Life is short, so smile while you still have your teeth.



I never knew this.

I do remember that Lewis and Clark were armed with air rifles that would shoot a very powerful, deadly projectile. I was thinking that after the apocalypse, it would be the perfect weapon. You could shoot stones, bolts, etc and never have to scavenge for bullets.

In Japan they have "Planing Competitions" whereby they try to shave off the thinest slice of wood.

 The winner was just 9 microns.
I don't actually know what a micron is, but I'm still impressed.

I was the smartest kid in the 9th grade two years in a row.

I like a man who knows what he wants...

If you are sad about being alone on Valentine's Day, just remember, nobody loves you on the other days of the year either.

 As I understand it, this lake has never seen the light of day. It's miles under the ice, yet it still has life. I find that interesting.
But wouldn't you think that with all that ice on top of it, that it would be pressurized? Think about it.

The thin little line is where it is estimated the ocean level will be in a hundred years.

The hard to see little circles are major cities that will be wiped out. Well, Chile is fucked.

If it wasn't for my incredible willpower, I would be exercising right now.

White people buy their drugs in a pharmacy.

Speaking of...

I knew a girl who called her boyfriend Daddy.
I guess that's better than calling her daddy Boyfriend.

One of my very own...

Sexist? I say if you own a sports bar with mostly men as customers, you would be a fool not to hire people like this. Life is not fair, boys and girls. You need to get over that...

Does it bother anyone else that god was standing in the dark talking to himself when he said, "Let there be light?"

 Can't open a chip bag or fast-food ketchup? Use two coins like this...

I have learned that if anyone, anywhere is asked "Are you stoned?" the answer is always "Yes."



These guys do this so much that the whole herd is red...

I don't know why.

If there was an award for losing stuff, I would win it.....then promptly lose it.

Curiosity's first drill test...

 Mars on another scale...

It's my guess that after the invention of the camera, it took about 24 seconds before somebody decided to shoot a naked woman...

With my back out, I have been watching a whole bunch of movies. And every time a phone rings in the movie, I answer my own phone. I hate that shit.

Salad is like eating food that my food eats.



I used to play in places like this when I was growing up...

Her publicist requested that all unflattering pictures be removed from the internet.

Well, the internet doesn't like to be told what to do and this is one of hundreds of manipulations...

An optimist: A man who can watch his wife get gang banged in broad daylight and still appreciate the weather.

A guy asked me, "If you were president, what would be the first thing you did?"
I answered, "Change the way people pick presidents."

Oops....

Yes, that was the ring.
That's what you get for getting married on a fucking bridge.

Don't you just know a guy made this up...

That motherfucker needs to meet my wife.

Hypnopompic: pertaining to the semiconscious state prior to complete wakefulness.
My favorite time of day.



There are no innocents...

For every superfund site, there are thousands of well-meaning Americans up bought up every single product produced there....and liking the cut rate price.

The next time someone tells you that god created us in his image, remind him that the average vagina is deeper than the average penis.

Directors are always killing off black people in movies. I think it's to punish them for being loud in theaters.

Well, little fellow, maybe you don't go to the same movies I do.

Give this a moment...

 At first I thought this was manipulated. Now I believe it was shot from the inside of a building and the dark shape is the curtain.

Being vague is almost as fun as doing that other thing.

I found this hilarious....

On the morning that Daylight Savings Time ended I stopped in to visit my aging friend. He was busy covering his penis with black shoe polish. I said to him, "You dumb ass! You're supposed to turn your clock back".

Having become consumed with things made of cash, I couldn't resist posting this...

They are putting vitamins in Coke now. Isn't that like bullets with Neosporin?


I really like architecture, but never, not once this much...

...although I've thought about it once or twice.

OOMVO...