TUESDAY #1514

Just sayin'...

Granted, this was in New Zealand and granted, it was a small sample (350) but I still think it's dead on.

My favorite bar/restaurant (where I eat at least twice a week) changed their gravy, contaminating it with lots and lots of ONIONS! I complained to the manager and the owner. Today (Monday) they went back to the old recipe. The manager had sent me an email Sunday to tell me the good news. So today (Monday) I went for my favorite meal; open faced roast beef sandwich smothered in good old fashioned brown gravy. As soon as I walked in, the manager told me that the old gravy mix had not arrived and that without the gravy mix no one in the kitchen knew how to make it from scratch. I was visibly disappointed. Luckily there was a chef (a real one from another restaurant) sitting next to me at the bar. Unbeknownst to me, he simply got up off his barstool, marched to the kitchen and concocted brown gravy. When the chef remounted his barstool, and told me what he had done for me, I thanked him and added, "I mean, who the fuck puts onions in a southern brown gravy?!" Then his face changed and he admitted that the gravy he had just made for me contained onions - obviously missing the whole crux of the problem in the first place.
Immediately all concerned parties dashed to the kitchen, removed the onions and brought me out a sample for my approval. It was delicious and the rest of my meal resumed without further protestations.
You have no idea what it means to an old man to be pampered like that. And now you know why it is my favorite bar/restaurant and this is my most favorite place to live.
If you ever visit me, I will surely take you there.

I've invented a new drinking game. First you settle down in front of any televised sporting event with a cold beer next to you. Every time you feel the least bit thirsty, take a sip.

Watched their last game where a defensive player kicked the ball into his own goal...

This was said to be the original plan for Mt. Rushmore...

TRUE: Sometimes my wife talks in her sleep and it wakes me up. The other night I imagined that during deep sleep her nipples began to have a conversation and I laughed aloud.

90 year old woman does two back flips...watch carefully...

DICKS; PENISES; WEINIES, ETC.

Just another reason....

There is a flood of then and now photographs on the net.

Here is the worse I've seen lately...

LET'S MOVE ON...

Merchandizing at its finest...

Cats love squeaky toys because they mimic the screams of their terrified victims.

Was this necessary?

I, for one, would love to have this service...

 It's not that I want to post untruths, I'm just too fucking busy to research everything I share....so sue me. I do try Snopes from time to time, but usually the stuff I post is too new for them to have time to assess. 

Ask your mom who her favorite child is. If she says she loves all her children equally, well, sorry, but it's not you.

Me and the wife with some of our friends before a concert...

God created whiskey and stairs so Irishmen in wheelchairs wouldn't take over the world.

You are not really drunk until you are speaking fluent Ozzy Osbourne.



Said to be true...

SCIENCE STUFF

And, yes, there is a scientist testing this theory...

No graviton, but as I understand it, they are getting pretty close...

Oh, look, somebody famous shares my concerns...

It's seems the first rule of science club is not to talk about science club...clearly.

LET'S MOVE ON....

Hey, man, where'd you get the headgear?

TOLD TO ME TO BE TRUE: At first they tried training fighter pilots to guide drones, but they weren't all that good at it. Come to find out, kids who played a lot of video games were perfect for the task...

This is the way my daughter looked when I told her that her Slinky was the skeleton of a giant worm...

Today in 1992, Rodney King said, "Can't we all just get along?" SPOILER ALERT: We can't.

That these are necessary I find ludicrous. Seriously. Would you look at that child's foot!

It seems that most everyone has a custom made business card to leave on the windshields of errant parkers...

One of my very own...

Water-boarding: Baptizing the terrorists with freedom.

How the fuck did they do that?

My brother and I now laugh at how competitive we were as kids..........but I laughed harder.

This is good news, right...........right?

I'll see your Jesus on a taco and raise you a Hitler in a pizza box...

 Tilt your head to the right...I missed it the first time.

This is the Solendon, the first known mammal that was the ancestor of us all....

This is his very, very close relative that is still alive today...

 They only live here.

 And after all these tens of millions of years, due to urban sprawl they are threatened with extinction because of these habitual murders...the domestic house cat...

And those fuckers aren't even hungry...they kill for the fun  of it!

I take great pride of adding as much beauty into my life as possible. Things like these used to be made and bought with pride and were both beautiful and utilitarian.

 Now look over at a doorknob in your house. Ugly isn't it?

SPORTS

Rub some dirt on it...

Now go back and note the give a shit look and his face. That, ladies and gentlemen, is a Man with a capital M.

This one is for House...may it never come to this for him...

MOVIES

We all waited through the rest of the movie for this to happen again, didn't we...

From Django.....very funny....

A party without beer is just a meeting.

How very, very clever...

Having a dog is the reason I only spend 97% of the day thinking about myself.

100,000 words....

(I so wanted to write one of my little mini-stories about this, but, frankly, I didn't have the time)

My wife complained that I never take her anywhere, but I reminded her that I take her for granted every day.

SAID TO BE TRUE AND I HAVE NO REASON TO DISBELIEVE IT: The bible has been translated into Klingon.

The old adage has been modified to "Those who fail to clear history are doomed to explain it."

You can not stop time. You can only endure it and focus on where you want to be when it kills you.

Interesting...









My wife decided to wear a burka for a week to see what 
the public reaction would be. The first morning she was sworn at, punched in the nose, kicked in the ass and threatened with death. God knows what's going to happen when she leaves the house.

(that, Gentle Reader, was a joke...a bad joke, but a joke nonetheless)
(Mel will like it)
AND THEN THERE'S THIS...
Here are 20 reasons I like the city where I live...

1. Wild fires – None

2. Forest fires - None

3. Hurricane – near zero

4. Tornado – minimal

5. Earthquake – zero

6. Gangs – minimal

7. Tsunami – None

8. Targeted in thermonuclear exchange - doubtful

9. Longevity of financial base – large university and seat of state      when   government - assured

10. Beach – One hour away

11. Mountains – One hour away

12. Affordable housing - plentiful

 13. No bears, alligators or man-eating animals of any kind

14. An international airport – 45 minutes away

15. Huge manmade lake – 30 minutes away

16. Coal fired, hydro and nuclear power plants

17. Great restaurants out the ying-yang

18. World class zoo.

19. Clean air and a river for unlimited water.

20. European Market with smoked sardines – Yes