WEDNESDAY #1549

My dream has been postponed for at least another year. I have been waiting a lifetime and can only hope that it will happen before I cross the veil.
You see, last night Oregon State won and are moving to the next level of the College World Series. Today my South Carolina lost, ending the possiblility of the Cocks playing the Beavers in the championship game.
Think of the headlines there could have been.

And what does it say about the NSA that even though they take in all our data, they couldn't even detect that their own guy was getting ready to rat them out.
And how is it that the love-big-government-liberals are more vocal in their opposition to violating our privacy than the hate-big-government-conservatives?

SERIOUS QUESTION: As I understand it, photons spend a long, long time bouncing around inside the sun before they break the surface and travel to earth. But on earth that  photon hits something and bounces off. My question is, do individual photons bounce around forever? Or do they weaken and die?
And if they do last forever, why isn't the universe full of them by now?

A line from "Oh, Brother, Where Art Thou"; You ain't no kind of man if you don't got land.
It could be argued that mankind's decision to "own" land was the beginning of most of the evils we see in the world today.

 Something you don't see every day...

Feeling powerless? Just remember, a single one of your pubic hairs can shut down an entire restaurant.

Did you ever notice that in every movie the two kings and/or main generals always end up fighting one another in battles involving thousands of men. What are the chances.

He said that in most books and movies you can more or less relax in the knowledge that no matter how dire the circumstances, the hero will make it through to the end. He decided to make people afraid (literally) to turn the page for fear one of their favorite characters will be killed off...

Am I the only one who thinks that kangaroos look kind of like T-rex deer?

Goals are important. Otherwise you spend your whole life running up and down the field and can never score.

The same process that produces super-smart, super-creative apes (like us) is also responsible for helping cockroaches evade our attempts to murder them.

There was a documentary, Lust for Luxury, that listed the advancements to mankind brought about by man's quest for the best of the best...

In the earliest sailboats the rudder (called steering oar) was attached to the right side simply because most men are right handed. Because of this, the left side was the side that would be moored to the port.....thus modern day port side and starboard side.

How narcissistic is it that people want their bodies embalmed to retard rotting?

How fucking true...

HERE’S A LIST OF EVERYTHING I’M GOING TO GET DONE BEFORE MY COFFEE,

Wrote no one ever.

Well, that's one way to do it...

The IRS is the new N-word.

AND THAT'S A MOTHERFUCKING FIREMAN!!!

Thank you apostrophes for being pretty cool, even though sometimes you can be a bit possessive. 

"I say, old chap, shall we move to the other side of the thoroughfare?"

You miss 100% of the shits you don't take.

Results of a huge study; said to be the largest such study in the world. It involved those little door hook notes like you put on a hotel door.
Thousands of people were left notes that asked them to turn off their AC to save money. Another group was told it helps the environment. And the third that it was being a good neighbor.
There was 0% electricity saved.
Then they changed the message to read: 74% of your neighbors turn off their AC's.
This was hugely successful.

My young friend is dropping out of graduate school because his supervising professor is such an asshole. He sent a formal letter of withdrawal with all the correct headings, etc, but had it sent back with this note:
When referring to me, use Professor, not Mr. The only Mr. in the building is the janitor.

My wife thought that cloud computing, was updating her Facebook while flying on an airplane.

Some things are best left unexplained...

How come nobody ever talks about straight pride?

My daughter told me that our relationship means the world to her therapist. She further said that her gift to me was her admitting that my long-standing paranoia of government surveillance was completely justified.

One of my very own...

If I learned anything from Shawshank Redemption, it's that prison is a good place to make friends.

Magnet cap collector...

People shouldn't be allowed to get their driver's license until they beat Rainbow Road on Mario Kart.

What if Axe Body Spray was invented by women to more easily identify desperate men?

I so wish this had lasted just a little longer to show her facial reaction...

Nothing says "I'm a fat ass" like wearing a T-shirt in a swimming pool.

I thought the guy was trying to save his air conditioner from the fire...

 ...come to find out he is just escaping. Bummer, that.

This house still has a cannon ball embedded in the wall...

If you type "Google" into Google, you can break the internet.
Please, no one try it, even for a joke.

My wife left this for me...

 ...and I think it has sexual overtones.

When I told my doctor I was experiencing memory loss, he made me pay in advance.

There is a site listing comments overheard in a Goldman Sachs elevator. These I quote directly...

 ...Others I just stole outright.

This is impressive, but we are all so used to advancements that when we get 1000GB on something the size of a grain of rice we will say, "It's about time."

You know how when your appliance is giving you trouble, you smack it with your hand and then it's all good again? That works with people, too.

I've been known to delete a "ha" from a "Hahahahahahahaah" because I thought it was too much.

Sorry, but I have so many of these that I will share every picture of them I find...

My wife is on a new miracle diet. She eats what she wants and hopes for a miracle.

Yes, Gentle Readers, there is a site online where you can scroll for 100 yards...

Sometimes I forget what I'm watching during the commercial break.

 That reminds be of the hundreds of times someone has come up to me on a mural site and said, "You're so lucky to be so talented." I just smile and say, "It occurs to me that the more I sweat the luckier I get."

If you don't swear while driving, then you're not paying attention to the road.

He's explaining that with modern technology, anyone can be an award winning photographer...

My friend, Big John, said he can't stand Steven but upon questioning couldn't tell me why. Some people. 

My wife watched her first porn movie last night. She looked so much younger back then.