FRIDAY #1731

Tonight I watched "Sharknado". I admit it. 
I did it for research into the lowest form of "entertainment" that humans could endure. 
I was not disappointed. We have reached a new low....and I mean that....but it was a hoot if you laugh at perversions.

 And now he wants to be a she. What must the world think?

The New York Times' prophetic 1983 warning about the NSA

Today at my new favorite bar the bartender told me she had three classes that day. One of them was Public Speaking and I gave her some advice.
I told her I had given hundreds of lectures; the largest to a crowd of about 3000. I told her that there is an old adage about pretending the audience is naked to relieve your stress, but I walked out on stage pretending I was naked.
She asked if that really worked.
I winked and said, "It did for me."
(I'm such a pig)

What a wonderful display...

A new horror book is out...

But seriously, you want somebody like that in charge of the NSA? Think about it.

Just something else to think about...

I was once handed the keys to one of these and asked by a family member if I would like to drive it. I said, No, and returned the keys...

That's a Ford GT, one of the, if not THE, fastest production cars in America.
I have a thing about rich people.

 I don't care about how you feel about the result of what he did, he did, in fact, violate the constitution.

So...ah...what are we teaching our high school students?

Banksy................they say....

I can still remember when accepting charity was considered embarrassing.
I don't want anybody to starve, but mooches or mooches.

It is never possible to please all the people...

China says it will stop harvesting organs from prisoners.

(that's a good thing, right?)

"I did an IQ test on the Internet. Told me I was smarter than most, just like I expected. Found out it was a sham.

I was too stupid to realise." - comment from an Australian viewer.

(read that again...it's fucking hilarious)

Another person who does his job better than you do yours...

Watched a movie last night where the subtitles were delayed by two seconds, so if you didn’t understand what the actors were saying, you look down and there it is. Unlike instantaneous subtitles, where you have to read it as they speak, and if you don't read them all, by the time you realize you missed what they said and look down, it's moved on to something else. It was a joy.

I have to put on subtitles for English, Scottish and Australian movies, by the way.

The way I eat steak with a vegan at the table...

Believe it or not, in a sick way, this is perfectly logical.
I mean it! Would the writers of the bible just make stuff up?!? OF COURSE NOT! Ergo: it MUST be true!

A very creepy ad from my childhood...

 Then he grew up...

5,000 YEAR OLD GAME PIECES FOUND IN BURIAL SITE IN TURKEY.

I want in the game!

I think they ought to measure snow storms on a scale of how invisible albinos would be across the average patio.

Believe it or not, there are people I've know for a while who don't recognize me without my hat....and that's true.

In my opinion, there aren't near enough people standing around to view this shit. This needed to be done in the Astrodome or some such place. I mean, DAMN!

How to divorce in 4...3...2...

Tesla Automobile...what can I say about it that hasn't already been said about the wheel, penicillin or fire?
I mean it, that motherfucker is amazing.


For me...a profound image...

I'm not sure how many problems I have, because math is one of them.

I used to be able to tell a pretty good joke, but now I always punch up the fuck line.

 Yes, there's an app for that....

A friend of mine told he that he came home and his wife met him at the door wearing only high heeled shoes. But he never told her he was coming home two days early.

Everyone talks to themselves from time to time. But when my wife does it, she interrupts her own conversation.


1909...

And somewhere there is the man who was the first man to fly naked....and we don't...even...know...his...name.

Speaking of pigs...

There once was a Vietnamese Pot Bellied Pig fad in New York. They sold for $100 or so. A guy from South Carolina drove up there with a truck load of piglets and sold them right over the tailgate for $50.

 Only, they were not the lilliputian Vietnamese kind, they were plain old barnyard pigs that would grow to 200 or so pounds if well fed.
That man is the hero of every Southerner who ever lived.

I'm not an alcoholic. I just have a lot to celebrate.

I knew a guy who gave up smoking, drinking, gambling and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.

This is a screen shot of a movie I watched. Do you see anything odd about it?

 The hinge is on the wrong side of the door.

I notice shit like that all the time....and pride myself on it.

Would anyone on the planet think that an outer ear "works"?

I can only guess that she did not live up to expectations.

Got my young daughters ID cards. My oldest daughter went around telling everyone she got an F in sex.

 Well, I would if she kept pissing on my carpet....I mean, damn Grandma...you've outlived your welcome.

There's a jacking off in the middle school bathroom joke in here somewhere...

Have you ever considered finding another hobby besides taking pictures of yourself?

Pretending to be an adult is fucking exhausting.

In front of the whole world.....The....Whole....Fucking....World....

When you start thinking that your life has a "Purpose", just remember, the only reason you are here today is because your mother didn't have a "headache" that night.

Everyone is entitled to an opinion except people who don't eat meat.

This vehicle makes my dick get hard...

I have no idea what this means, but it sounded rather profound...

On a scale of zero to thinking about what would happen if humans lost all their skin every winter, how high are you?

I want one of these for each of my shirts...

Fun night in Jersey...

My first pick-up truck looked exactly like this...same color and everything...

I fucking loved it!

I want to believe...

No....no, no, no......NO......

For my brother...

THERE WILL BE A POST TOMORROW.