TUESDAY #1671

THINGS OBSERVED LATELY...

(Reuters) - "A security guard shot and killed a Jewish Israeli man on Friday at one of Judaism's holiest sites in Jerusalem, the Western Wall, which was immediately shut to visitors, police said.

The guard opened fire after the man, in an adjacent restroom, was heard shouting "Allahu Akbar," Arabic for "God is greatest", police spokesman Micky Rosenfeld said.

Rosenfeld said the guard opened fire with his pistol because he suspected the man was a Palestinian militant. The victim turned out to be an Israeli Jew in his 40s."

Note: Who in there right mind screams Allahu Akbar at a Jewish shrine? 

Adjacent observation: What 16 year old gets so drunk at a drunken party that they pass out and NOT expect unpleasantness?

Next: That tennis player made the same observation and was severely criticized.

Even in automobile accidents the jury regularly splits the fault between drivers...there is seldom a purely good guy and a purely bad guy. Rapists should be punished, but you don't walk through the ghetto with hundred dollar bills hanging out of your pocket.

Everyone has said the word nigger. But as soon as you admit it, you are classified as a racist...(think of that cooking show lady). I want one of the accusers to stand up in front of me and swear they have never used that word.

53% of sexual misconduct cases in military filed by males.
I wonder how many there were before Don't ask, Don't tell was repealed...just for the sake of knowing.

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

George Zimmerman.

George Zimmerman who?

Okay, you’re on the jury.
(Stupid thing to tell a jury, but it makes sense. Any prospective juror who somehow convinced the judge and lawyers that they were too stupid to follow the news were accepted.

An observant reader noticed that in the "Bizarro" comic there was a weird little image in the corner. Here's another weird image I found. I guess he just does that sort of thing every so often...

Kid hears for the first time...

Not sure I will ever get inured to such things.
That's a "what the fuck" gesture if I've ever seen one.

 Retired person's clock...

I got banned from laser tag for trying to use a knife to save ammo.

Not so much anymore, but I always used to not think with money. I gauged the worth of something in the hours it took me to make the money.

The funniest people are the stupidest people...

...or is it the stupidest people are the funniest people?
Or both?

What kind of religion would ask you to bath in a cesspool...literally? Major flaw if you ask me...

Have you ever had so much wine that you just forgot to put on all your clothes?

Yeah, me, too.

Today's kids will never know the feeling of slamming down a phone after an argument. Now all they can do is poke their screen with an angry finger.


Have a wash and be inspired....

Ironic isn't it.....or is it?

Life Lesson 342: "If it smells like shit wherever you go, look under your own shoe."

Speaking of...

I don't understand why people are so amazed when I tell them that my grandfather survived Auschwitz. I mean, most German officers did.

A beautiful blond led the milk man into her bathroom and told him she wanted enough milk to take a milk bath.

He asked, "Pasteurized?" 
She said, "No, just up to my boobs. I can splash it the rest of the way."
(Can you imagine me finding that image by chance on the exact same day I heard the joke? It's true. Pure fucking karma)

And if I'm not mistaken, it will continue to burn for a hundred years...or more...

Alice In Wonderland poster...

 ...made from the entire book...

With enough sensors, this thing could deliver parcels in New Your City...

Try to always be yourself…unless you suck…then try to be like me.

If obesity is a disease, is this handicapped seating?

This guy is the reason we can't stay in our cars anymore...

It was either too hot or too cold except for those three days in May.

One of my very own...

Believe it or not, this headline makes sense...

 Gophers are such a problem that a $3 per bounty is paid for the feet.

This is why shotguns were invented...

Africans are like British people for black people.

I have a friend who went to India on a religious pilgrimage. He studied all the religions, gave up on all of them, but still thinks we humans are just too special to not be created by a higher power.
Special? Has he looked around lately?

These guys are getting more sophisticated...

This kind of reminds me of people who are into graffiti...they usually don't ask for permission. Again I ask, what if someone came upon your lawn and did that? Or painted it on the side of your car?

I still find it interesting that something this naughty can...

...lead to this marvelous...

I understand people who shoot these animals. I like it better if they eat them, but without us they would overrun our roads, our crops and, perhaps, our children on the playground....

But if you are just into it for the thrill of the hunt, then a long lens camera can be just as satisfying.

I was more or less accused of being old fashioned the other day. I take exception with that...

My wife and I have young friends covered in tattoos, hair like the gent above, every sexual orientation you can imagine. I try very much to judge people by how they treat me.

I told my wife that a new study shows that sex is a cure for headaches. She said, "That defeats the whole point of having them."


There is a swamp in South Carolina where the Fire Flies (Lightning Bugs) flashes become synchronized. This is not them, but it's still true...

Starting at about age 5, my mother used to hold my butt cheeks open while I took a shit. I got my wife to do it for me now. Yeah, she complains sometimes, but I buy her shit to make up for it.

A prostate exam? I don't even let anyone wave a finger in my face!



You know your technique sucks when even your dog pukes the first time...

Tact is for people who aren't witty enough to be sarcastic.

OOMVO...

When you think that things couldn't get worse, imagine jellyfish floating around in the air instead of water...or your skin being transparent.

Okay ladies, you asked for it...

Whenever I'm having a bad day, I just look at this for a few minutes...

AND THEN THERE'S THIS...

Sunday I got up at 7am to watch my once mural partner, Billy, install his first real solo mural; just in case he ran into a problem. He, as expected, performed perfectly. It was hot, however, and I, along with his friends that showed up to help him, witnessed something we had never seen. About half way through, Billy called a break and sat on the curb in the shade to drink and smoke. He sweated so...severely that when he stood up it looked like someone had poured a gallon of water on the curb. It ran over and down the face of the curb and for about five feet down the gutter...and that shit is true! We were all amazed. Billy then showed up that just by standing on one foot he could make sweat ooze from his shoe and dampen the asphalt. It was a thing to behold...a disgusting thing, but a thing nonetheless.

The next day I got this email from him:

"You're the man, Ralph. Thanks for the opportunity to try one on my own. Not to get sappy, but I could not have done it without your obvious material support. More Importantly, 12 years of Ralph's School of Mural Painting is better than any fucking Master's Degree. Let's go shopping next week and get baby some new shoes.

(He's going to buy me a pair of shoes for my limited assistance...and I will cherish them...and that's just another reason the boy is in my will)