Sign at a Midas Shop in my hometown:
"NEED NEW BRAKES?
DON'T BE SO FROWNIE
WE'LL MAKE 'EM STOP
LIKE JADAVEON CLOWNEY"
I made a lot of money on football this weekend...thank you very much. In my opinion, betting on sports is a lot like life. Nobody really knows what they doing, so they just lay their chips where they think the odds are in their favor. Sometimes you win....most times you lose...unless you are patient.
Most interestingly...3 (three) NFL games began their games with the score: 2:0. Most unusual...as a matter of fact I doubt that it has ever happened before.
But there are always down sides to gambling. My Green Bay Packers got beat by a bunch of faggots from San Francisco. My wife had to coax me out of this emotional breakdown...I was in a closet...
FACT 1: I bought another couple of CD's of the world's greatest arias. I like to play them while I watch football.
FACT 2: We have an intercom system between my office out in my studio and the house.
So, I cranked up a beautiful aria and then sent it into the house via the intercom. When I went into the house my wife smiled at me and I said that I felt like that guy in Shawshank Redemption.....she didn't get it....I hope you do.
"WAR! What is it good for? Absolutely nothing!"
WHAT THE INTERNET HAS TO SAY ABOUT WAR
This is what this motherfucker is going to look like when he orders the strike even without Congress' approval....
"You can't fix a country by bombing it...just sayin'," I said.
"Worked on Japan," my daddy would have said.
"Worked on Japan," my daddy would have said.
Pretty good looping, sir....
There's no such thing as too much information...or is there...
"Excuse me, miss, may I buy you a drink.......or two?"
....or twelve?
Dogs, you gotta love 'em...
Go back and watch the puppy's eyes.
This is what my nut-less dog looked like when he fucked my fixed bitch dog all afternoon...
This is what my nut-less dog looked like when he fucked my fixed bitch dog all afternoon...
Number One Rule of Pugilism: Do not hit thine own self....
I don't need a football game to get drunk and scream at my television.
But just a reminder, there are many fantasies not involving football....that's what she said.
But for the sake of your emotional well-being and that of your loved ones, I pray your favorite football team excels this year.
How to get your ass kicked, lesson one....
The best part about pooping with the door open in the morning is being able to see everyone's expression at Starbucks.
Stop with that fucking drum, Ahmad!
I saw a poor old lady fall down and break her hip today.
At least I assume she was poor, she only had $2.00 in her purse.
Shit you really want to see on TV...
I don't like rap music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like rap music, denigrate means 'put down'.
Gambling addiction is a disease, but it's the only disease where you can win a buttload of money.
I didn't even know a person could get a cramp from keegal exercises until my wife got one and wanted to be rushed to the emergency room. I figured I'd just take your to the 24-hour emergency vet place out on the highway. He just threw some water on her and went back to his poker game.
I want to see this man's face just so I can buy him a lifetime supply of condoms so he doesn't reproduce...
This woman's job is to explain animal fucking to young children.
They DO NOT want to give me that job.
This is brilliant...
This is brilliant...
They build the bridge which is extremely strong, then when they leave they just take it with them.
This girl needs to be the center of attention at a Mandingo party more than any girl I've ever met...
(Mandingo party...look it up)
This is not speeded up. These things are far superior at this task than us mere humans...
This is not speeded up. These things are far superior at this task than us mere humans...
And nobody knows why.
It's a beautiful day. I think I'll skip my meds and stir things up a bit.
This is actually pretty impressive...
It's a beautiful day. I think I'll skip my meds and stir things up a bit.
This is actually pretty impressive...
I watched this event on the telly and was amazed at the pools of water on the court. I would have thought that it would have been smooth as a pool table...
Opal in wood...I can only assume petrified wood...
I was into horse meat before Burger King.
Here's to another summer of complete disregard for age-appropriate developmental milestones.
Check out the last candidate...
I'm a multi-tasking procrastinator. I can put off all kinds of things all at once.
Speaking of...
If you preen your beard into this shape...
This is all I can think of....
Your mouth looking like a sideways vagina and I always wonder what my dick would feel like in it....but maybe that's just me.
He who sacrifices his beard for a woman deserves neither.
Meanwhile on Rodeo Drive...
What could the question have been?
Highlight: [ Mary had a little... ]
On the internet, people are using the term abstract art in ways I never did. This may be a lot of things, but abstract isn't one of them...
Well, it makes counting your catch much easier...
I don't worry about avoiding temptation. At my age it starts avoiding me.
"What's a nine letter word that begins with "C" and ends in "D" and helps stave off Alzheimer's?" the wife asked while solving the puzzle.
AND THEN THERE'S THIS...
One thing above all others is a strain on my marital tranquility…trash…literally. I know that the trash pick up is early Thursday morning, so the container has to be rolled out on Wednesday. I know this the same way I know my name….but I always forget. I forget what day of the week it is. Try to explain that to a woman who operates three successful stores, does all the taxes, manages all advertising, does all the shopping, deals with all investments, and other "chores" that need not be itemized in this limited space.
I admit it...I'm spoiled.
Think about it...
I admit it...I'm spoiled.
Think about it...
Women bleed from their private parts ever month. They vomit more than a Mumbai untouchable.
I was raised when there were very, very few mom's who worked outside the home....
Then the man comes home all tense and shit and wants her to perform like a porn star....
Guys, it ain't got to be this way. You can be a team player if you just give it a little thought.
No rewards. No promise of a blowjob. Just do your fucking part! Trust me. It will pay off in the long run...
AND THEN THERE'S THIS...
Do you really want to learn something today. Take a few minutes to watch this TED talk...
>>>>> CLICK HERE <<<<<
A funny thing happened. I have a photo of all my great-nephews and nieces as my desktop image and when I opened the image above, this is what I got...
(Bruce, show that to Kyle...it's his legs)
>>>>> CLICK HERE <<<<<
A funny thing happened. I have a photo of all my great-nephews and nieces as my desktop image and when I opened the image above, this is what I got...
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