TUESDAY #1803

I can't wait until those pricks come after something you like...like burgers or leather or lipstick or chocolate.
Is this what government is meant to do...baby sit us?
I'm not done yet....but it won't solve the problem. You show me a 20 year old kid who wants a pack a cigarettes and he/she WILL find it. What you have done is create a whole bunch of criminals. Please think about that.

Dream on, Sparky...

I'll add that to the top 10 weirdest boners of my life.

The imagination is a terrible thing to waste.

As I understand it, there are great health risks of eating fellow humans....besides the fact that they are dead...seriously...

...but you have to admit, that looks rather tasty. I wonder, in their civilization, what low life bastard gets the asshole and dick and other less than desirable parts? Have they invented coins to flip yet?

 Stare at the center flashing dot and the other dots disappear...

I just figured out why some people don't like Mac computers....they don't play games very well. That explains a lot.
You gamers spending hours mashing buttons just the right way to explode an alien space shit, when you could be mashing a woman's button just the right way and she will suck your goddamn dick. Now, once more, try to tell me about the allure of your games. 

What ever happened to originality?

Might be the artist in me, but I have found it vexatious to do things just because other people are doing it...whether fashion, hair, tattoos or car. But maybe that's just me.

Production of the SR-71 line...

This plane was so fast, it out flew a missile that was shot at it. All the pilot did was add throttle. Let that sink in for a minute.

Now Russia has a plane that will catch it.

This would cause me to pee in my underwear...if I wore underwear...

 Two thin-toed footprints pressed into a sandy riverbank more than 100 million years ago are Australia's oldest known bird tracks..

TWO THINGS I LEARNED FROM WATCHING JURASSIC PARK:

1) Round doorknobs...always.

2) Own a stove you can fit into.

 I was working on an indoor mural on a huge construction site when an old Mexican came in with his young helper to do some drywall work. They worked for ten hours without so much as taking a break to pee...that I witnessed.

I know this is not timely, but it reminds me of a conversation I had recently...

Having gone completely nuts last week when my Gamecocks beat unbeaten Missouri, I wondered if anything else in life has ever made me behave with such pure glee. I've discussed this with several people, so now I will ask you. Has anything in life caused you to jump up, dance around the room, scream, butt bump everyone in the room and tear up...besides sports.
Someone suggested the end of the World Wars and I couldn't really argue cause I wasn't there...I missed it by a few months.

I, of all people, should have thought of this...

 I do have a new idea for another money sculpture, but I need those little rubber bands that they use on children's braces. Anybody got any ideas where I could find like 300 of them cheap?

I would so do this...

I always smile when I approach one of these. I floor it and my cart's max speed is 25, so I'm dead on every time.

 And to think, this young man has dictated...yes, dictated, that we can't use a word but he uses in almost every sentence....

Yes, Master.

Why Titanic was a movie about time travel...

How I looked at the table of handsome young men when that beautiful woman in the crowded restaurant walked over to my table, took off her panties and waved them in my face and allowed me to smell them...

Gangs only become MORE powerful in prison...

MONDAYS: Brought to you by the same people who brought you 6 am, a hair in your scrambled eggs, court dates and beer farts.

Only 518 people have been to space. That means 99.99999926% of the population have, in fact, not.

Walking Dead summed up in one sentence...

This is a very clever scam...

 The credit card company will throw this out and not pay it because 1) It's ridiculous, and 2) The math is so very wrong.

If your hair is wrong, your entire life is wrong...

It's a nice painting, I guess...just needs something...I don't know....Fascist...

Guy bought a house and pulled up the carpet...found this...

Liposuction is like alterations to your birthday suit.

Why modern light porn doesn't turn me on anymore...

And to think, when I was growing up they did it with just an airbrush.

Yellow Man to the rescue...................wait for him....

Growing up is when you go from using drugs for fun to using drugs for survival.

For all you people who think that god created all men equal, I have two words for you: Ron Jeremy.

You ever notice how religious people like to use meaningless catch phrases...

Well, I have. I will ask a question and their response is a bible verse or worthless phrase like the one above that may or may not have a damn thing to do with the topic. That's called brainwashing, people.