MONDAY #2136

NEWSY BITS...

I found that profoundly touching. I mean that. 

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 Not anymore. But before you start panicking about Ebola killing everyone you know and love, remember that we are all supposed to be dead from bird and swine flu by now.

What kind of sick fuck gets the virus tattooed on his body?

Seriously?

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Brandon Donovan showed up for practice because he forgot he retired.

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I think that Kim Jong Un isn't missing, but merely auditioning to be the next Bond villain.

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Ladies and Gentlemen, Victor Wooten....

In case you like a little background music while you scroll. (be forewarned, I hated the hoots from the audience)

Last night my friend spent the evening turning wine into vomit.

What happened when Cinderella got to the ball?

She gagged.

Recently in Fuckthisshitistan....

"Excuse me, do you have time to talk about our lord and savior, Medusa?"

Once licked, an butthole can never be unlicked.

In meetings I'm the guy who waited for the speaker to ask "Are there any questions?" and I would jump to me feet and say, "Of course, not. You presented the information so clearly that I'm sure all of these women are smart enough to get it the first time. But thanks anyway."

As we filed out on time I got pats to the back.

This speaks volumes...

Jason Torchinsky does some good armchair sleuthing to present his case that this is probably the first color photo of a car. He also talks about how early color photography was achieved. The secret ingredient: potatoes!

Top baby names for 2014: Bareth, Robaldo, Gunblayde, Terby, Gulb

 These are called "Utilikilts:...

 I kind of hope they catch on...

Their catalogue also had these neat sandals...

 What kind of cruel, ignorant bastard would do such a thing?

I bet college professors never get tired of watching freshmen get fat. 

Most things are strange when seen upside down...

That one bat kind of looks like that drunk friend we all have, don't he.

Radioactive emission of Uranium visible to naked eye in a cloud chamber...

Wedding rings taken from people going into concentration camps...

How dull the world would be without stupid people...

Did you find it?

That's What He Said...

Scientists confirm the human body is 75% water, still unclear what the other 25% is, "spaghetti we think" says one scientist

One Of My Very Own...

Inhabitants of La Gomera, a small mountainous island in the Canary group, use a whistled language called the Silbo to communicate over great distances....

New Sport Idea: Have a bunch of quadcopters with clay pigeons hanging below them on a long string. Then the controllers try to steer to the shooter before the shooter can shoot the clay pigeons…kind of like a living video game.

I stumped them with beer, chocolate pudding and six month old milk.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!! 

 Unique face swap...

My wife has Been Banned From Olive Garden…again...

That look my wife gives me when I embarrass her in public and she can’t get even yet…

"I'm thinking about how I'm going to ram my fist down your fucking throat and jerk out your heart. That's what I'm thinking. Can you tell?"

We white people just don't get it...

I don’t trust people who don’t eat bread.

STREET ART

This first one is extraordinary...

 Look carefully at this...

Amazing...

 Then there's people who spray paint their name on a beached whale...

A BEACHED FUCKING WHALE!?!?

AND IT MADE IT ONTO THE EVENING NEWS!!!!

Ya'll ready for this shit?

I didn't think so.

Drone looks down on eagle...

They have even flown a drone directly over an active volcano...

 You can see it backlit here...

An airplane or movie ticket for a baby should be at least a thousand dollars.

That’s because Amazon put them out of business.

Halloween is just around the corner...

Mostly my workout routine consists of exercising poor judgement.

Smart dog entertains himself...

Few things are more satisfying than seeing a submarine punch through ice...

At first I thought the guy was added cartoon character using photoshop. Also, who took the picture? 

You might want to look at this twice...

Absolutely no comments should be given at a vending machine when someone is trying to get it to accept a wrinkly dollar. It’s just bad form.

I love language. How about this one...

"Solid dick" used to mean straight talk.

I do not get this cartoon. Anyone?

Amazing Near Miss In The Americas Cup Race

Note To Self: Dont Go To Prison In El Salvador

Why I don't trust surveys, especially in the lying US...

Think about how weird it would be to be a pet fish and swimming around and suddenly it starts raining food.

Late for work? Hungover? Feeling down? 
I don't care. Take the time to watch this rather long (20 min) video. It lays out much better than I ever could why I have the above and the below graphics at the end of every blog post. I think you will thank me.
http://www.ted.com/talks/glenn_greenwald_why_privacy_matters?utm_source=newsletter_weekly_2014-10-11&utm_campaign=newsletter_weekly&utm_medium=email&utm_content=talk_of_the_week_button

The American Library Association's code of ethics demands that library professionals "protect each library user's right to privacy and confidentiality" and they've been taking that duty seriously since the first days of the Patriot Act.

And if you are really too busy right now, please remember to come back to it later. Thank you.