FRIDAY #4783

 One Of My Very Own

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EMAIL: ralh.henry.at.folio.olio@gmail.com

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Have you ever heard a six-year-old read at a high school level?

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THAT WHICH IS PROHIBITED

A viewer sent me this...

Then I decided to collect every weed gag I ran across. Hope you enjoy it.

Stoners don't sound like that. Do you know what stoners sound like? 

"Yes, your child is doing well in my 3rd grade."

"Hello, State Farm Insurance."

"I'll write you a prescription for that."

"The reason I pulled you over was that you have a taillight out."

"I'm taking my grandson to the zoo tomorrow."

^^A^^

I call that entrapment.

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^^A3^^

Never, ever down edibles before going to the grocery store.

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READ ALL ABOUT IT

Yeah, he knew exactly what he was doing.

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I once had a bartender who hated EVERYTHING. Gary the Painter and I worked hard to come up with something that she would like and were unsuccessful for two years. Seriously. She hated PUPPIES! She was the one we took bets on the year of the Firebird in which she was conceived.

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She is so very close to understanding the problem but, alas, too uneducated to realize it.

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That German girl would pull her bra straight down then turned it around to unclip the clasp. I will never, ever forget the way her breast would spring back up into place...while I stared in awe. I once applauded and begged her to do it again.

^^B12^^

I might as well admit if I could get paid for pics of my dick I would buy a much better camera, lighting system, and get some great tattoos.

^^B13^^

*Danny, do you agree?

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Yeah, it's easy to make it on the radio when all you do is tell uneducated people what they want to hear.

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People who grew up with money will look you right in the eye and ask you insane shit like, "Do you ski?"

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I'VE BEEN THINKING

Sports as War Training

It could be argued that sports are but practice for some war-related skill. 

Baseball - Throwing rocks and hitting the enemy with a club.

Football - Knocking an enemy off his feet.

Basketball - Throwing a burning bundle up into a second-story window of the town of your enemy.

But what about soccer? I can deduce no war-related skill development in soccer...besides kicking them in the ankle...or falling down and whining like a snake bit little girl every time you are touched.

^^C1^^

I taught many kids with names like HisHoliness, HerMajesty, etc. One really bright kid's first name was Lord Cambridge. But my very favorite was a kid whose name was spelled Lutherique but was pronounced Laquintheous. True...I swear.

^^C2^^

I didn't sleep very well last night. I got up and put on a light jacket because it was kind of chilly. Do you see the problem?

I buttoned one side of my shirt to one side of the jacket. My wife thought it hilarious...put it on Facebook...got 483 likes.

^^C3^^

My daughter sent me the best masks on the market. They are super comfortable and don't fog my glasses.

It has foam around the edges for a super tight fit.

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I will state upfront that I do not know the solution.

But just like healthcare...

We MUST do something. ANYTHING. If that doesn't solve the problem then get a Plan B. But the first step is convincing people that we have a problem.

^^C5^^

During the early hours of January 15, 2022, unidentified large drones have been seen flying over all of Sweden’s nuclear plants. 

"Meanwhile military movements have increased throughout the whole country. Sweden’s most eastern point, the Baltic Sea island ”Gotland”, now has military units patrolling the streets, likely as a response to the fact that several Russian navy landing crafts have entered the Baltic Sea."

*The Bear is restless. And restless Bears are very dangerous. And Russia knows that no matter what it does the US will not fire a shot.

^^C6^^

They advertise that it tastes just like real chicken or beef, etc. You add several hundred chemicals to tofu to get it to look like, taste like, and have the same texture as real meat. But why just meat we already eat? Why not more exotic meats?

He: I'll start with the Bengal Tiger Liver Pate.

She: Very good, sir.

He: Follow that with a half dozen Spotted Owl Wings.

She: Yummy.

He: Sea Turtle Soup.

She: Served in a Leopard Skull?

He: Of course. And a Bald Eagle breast with a Polar Bear blood glaze.

She: Excellent.

He: Follow that with Lowland Gorilla Brain in a bed of Blue Whale Spleen.

She: Large or small?

He: Large. And lastly, I would really like six Brontosaurus Deviled Eggs with ground White Rhino horn topping.

She: Coming right up, sir.

*I had a real good time writing that.

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But then why is it okay for Big Pharma to do the same thing?

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I know the present covid fears are not the same thing but when I was growing up we were reminded of the possibility of this every fucking day.

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Before you accuse poor children of being stupid remember that many of them are trying to learn while sleepy, hungry, sick, or in this case, can't see properly.

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Did you understand exactly what that sign attempts to convey? Of course. So why all the criticism?

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Oh, Gentle Reader, Mr. 

Noam Chomsky on the coming American Fascism

-sound on-

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Don't Look Up trailer

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MYTH #1: WE CAN’T ACT UNLESS THE SCIENCE IS 100% CERTAIN.

MYTH #2: DISTURBING REALITIES AS DESCRIBED BY SCIENTISTS ARE TOO DIFFICULT FOR THE PUBLIC TO ACCEPT.

MYTH #3: TECHNOLOGY WILL SAVE US, SO WE DON’T HAVE TO ACT.

MYTH #4: THE ECONOMY IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN ANYTHING, INCLUDING IMPENDING CRISES PREDICTED BY SCIENCE.

MYTH #5: OUR ACTIONS SHOULD ALWAYS ALIGN WITH OUR SOCIAL IDENTITY GROUP.

SOURCE

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Ladies, are you tired of sitting around and watching your man play Xbox? Try getting your own fucking hobby.

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HUMAN CREATORS

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Adventures at the Gym

And...

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Have mobile game ads gone too far?

My wife used to do that to me all the time.

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And this was my response...

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The caption read: "Replica of a prehistoric tea-pot that was found in Iran."

There were many comments on the site where I found that which stated that it wasn't Iranian and wasn't a teapot. Anybody?

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A robot designed to mimic human facial expressions

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My favorite line to use in an argument is "I don't need to take that from someone who sucks toes." It shuts down anyone who does suck toes and completely derails and confuses anyone who doesn't. Either way, I win.

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THAT WHICH IS SELDOM SEEN

^^E1^^

Two photos of Pluto, 25 years apart

I would like to thank every single person who helped me see that.

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The TV froze at the perfect time at the bar. It was like this for over 30 minutes before they noticed...

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This is a rock formation that people think looks like Jesus.

Go figure.

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Real or Photoshopped?

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Fish Survival Technique

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TRAINS

Switch to steam and get the food cooked at no additional costs.

Something like that in America would surely lead to numerous incidences of this sort of thing...

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Attempted murder - man pushes woman in front of metro in Brussels

Very alert driver and excellent brakes saved her.

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Shipping container thefts in LA - Amazon and USPS

That graffiti should have been a sure sign that the train cars would not be safe if parked there.

*In the apocalyptic book I wrote, the survivors avoided stores and warehouses but looted the shit out of marooned train cars.

^^E10^^

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I'm not even sure what the objective is but I will say start at the bottom and exit the top.